What It Is Like To Fall In Love After 50?

what it is like to fall in love after 50

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

Falling in love after 50 is really really surprising to men and women. How I know this is, I’ve gotten countless emails from readers who are getting divorced and they write that a huge fear for them is that they will never find love again.

Then, the same people email me 6 months or a year or 2 years later and tell me they have fallen madly in love. I swear, I could write a book. It’s that predictable! (in a wonderful way!!) I also personally experienced it and can explain what it is like to fall in love after 50.

 

While 50 sounds really old to someone who is in their twenties and even thirties (at least it did to me when I was young), someone who falls in love after 50 feels as young as they did when they fell in love at 16 or 22 or 30. Falling in love at any age feels giddy and heart stopping and scary and all consuming. Let’s be honest. It feels fucking great.

What is it like to fall in love after 50?

 

At age 49, I found myself facing the end of a six-year relationship. At the time, I was very relieved to be out of a situation that I had felt in my heart for a long time wasn’t right. I felt immense sadness, but my gut spoke to me that I did the right thing.

 

Katz and Stefani Family Law Attorneys

 

Although fearful of being single again—this time on the brink of 50, I felt strongly that it was better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.

 

I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I would never again find love, and was actually at peace with it. I had had a romantic wedding and two beautiful kids and thought maybe that was all that was meant to be for me.

 

I decided that this was a great time in my life to have some fun by engaging in some online dating. I figured I’d go out with a few guys, have some great stories to tell, and post them on Divorced Girl Smiling. Perfect, right?

 

Vestor Capital

 

What I never expected was that shortly after the breakup—before I had even gone on one online date, I would end up going out for dinner with a man I knew from my gym who was recently single. He and I had become friends over the years, and would talk while working out.

It was crazy, but after our second date, I thought, ‘Am I in love?’ It was so totally unexpected, but the new relationship had all the components one needs/wants for love: respect, trust, likability, attraction, chemistry and a lot of laughter. I felt like he just got me, and there was something about this whole thing that felt very very right. Over 5 years later, those same components are not only there, but they are stronger.

 

What it is like to fall in love after 50 truly is wonderful, and here are the reasons why:

 

1. People over 50 have learned from our mistakes and are putting our best selves forward.

2. We don’t have unrealistic expectations or get easily disappointed. We have nothing to lose.

3. We are more open-minded and less judgmental.

 

Sign up for the Divorced Girl Smiling newsletter to receive weekly articles that might help you during and after your divorce!

Sign up

 

4. We aren’t looking for a husband/wife. We just want to love and be loved.

5. We are willing to be more vulnerable, therefore making the relationship deeper and more meaningful.

6. We are more self-confident and care less about what the other person thinks. We therefore show our true selves in the relationship.

7. We have gratitude for the relationship, respect it, value it and make it a priority.

 

Going Through a Divorce? 7 Names You Need and Why

 

I’m not going to say that love under 50 can’t be good. I know many, many people over 50 who had a great relationship and marriage in their younger years, including me. But I think falling in love after 50 tends to offer a connection that can be the best love yet.

 

When you fall in love after 50, it’s like you’re taking everything you’ve learned in life and pouring your best self into your new love. And he or she is doing the same right back. The ingredients that make falling in love over 50 truly wonderful are: self-awareness, maturity, vulnerability, authenticity and appreciation for every day.

 

Listen to the Divorced Girl Smiling podcast

 

If someone asked me, “How do you know if he/she’s the one?” here is my answer. When it’s right, you like everything about yourself and how you are—both when you are together and apart. The person brings out the best in you. The person makes you laugh. You’re not afraid to be yourself with the person. You will do anything for the person—not just say you’ll do anything, really mean it. And that advice goes not just for those falling in love after 50, but for anyone at any age.

 

So, if you are over 50 and you’ve kind of given up on love because you feel too old or jaded or scared to get hurt, think again. If you’re willing to take everything you’ve learned, have confidence and be your authentic self,  keep an open mind, and forget any expectations except for living for today, over 50 might just turn out to be the best years for your love life!

Like this post? Check out, “9 Signs of a Healthy Romantic Relationship”

 

Listen to the Divorced Girl Smiling podcast

 

Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph

 

Leslie Glazier Real Estate Agent: My Review

Gmail

LinkedIn

Featured Expert Articles

Jackie Pilossoph Jackie Pilossoph
Creator, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling
20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self

20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self

Elaine Koby Mossr Elaine Koby Moss
Vice-president and Senior Advisor, Vestor Capital
Want Financial Security After Divorce? Here’s Your Checklist

Want Financial Security After Divorce? Here’s Your Checklist

Dan Stefani Dan Stefani
Divorce Attorney, Principal, Katz & Stefani
Thinking About Divorce? Here Is Your Legal Consultation

Thinking About Divorce? Here Is Your Legal Consultation

Leslie Glazier Leslie Glazier
Real Estate Agent, @properties, Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist
Leslie Glazier, real estate agent

Leslie Glazier, Real Estate Agent: My Review

Don Gordon Don Gordon, Ph.D
Executive Director, The Center for Divorce Education
Child

7 Things That Contribute To Negative Effects of Divorce on Children

Ellen Feldman Brian James Ellen Feldman and Brian James
Divorce Mediators, C.E.L. & Associates
Child on a swing

How Does Mediation Work? A Step-by-Step Process


Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

15 Responses to “What It Is Like To Fall In Love After 50?”

  1. Renee

    I agree! When I gave up at 49 years old, he- MY true love walked in unexpectedly. It’s been a wonderful year. We are happy, in love and passionate. It’s like a puppy love on steroids. We are grateful because we had a tough time in previous relationships and marriages. But God blessed the broken road that led us to each other. Amen .

    Reply
  2. Andrew Ezzy

    Thank you for your honest page. I lost my wife to cancer in 2014 and now are bring up my two teenage kids on my own. Being a single dad is the hardest job I have ever done. I turn 50 in April 2019. I work in law enforcement (no I am not a cop) as Senior Environmental Officer for the Tasmanian EPA. Kids and I surf, bush walk, rock climb etc. please google my name to find additional information .

    Reply
  3. Himalee P

    Is it even possible to find someone normal after 17 yrs of relationship… has anybody thought about why me…why me…I m not a bad person..

    Reply
    • Lynn

      Yes! My guy was married for 32 years and I was for 21. It took almost nine years, but there are normal guys out there. I was dumped after 20 years after giving my heart, soul, everything to my ex husband. I often wondered “why me” but now I know I was destined for a deeper and more fulfilling relationship.

      Reply
  4. CeeDee Morris

    sooo true! I am 54 dating the love of my life that is 52! we have both been divorced 2 years! We get along and the sex is amazing as is everything else – did I mention the sex is amazing??? 🙂 Happiest I have ever been!!

    Reply
  5. Avesha

    As a relationship and personal coach I can honestly say you are right, dating and really anything at this stage in our lives is amazing. Mostly because after living our lives… making mistakes and working on ourselves…we know who we are, we have accepted ourselves and by this point we know what we want. We are more confident and self aware and most likely financially and emotionally stable. Kids are grown. Careers are established and we have freedoms we never had in our younger years.
    This makes for a very carefree lifestyle and relationship.
    As the article states, we are hung up on marriage proposals and happily ever afters. We are looking for adventures, passion and self discovery.
    Great article…and for those hoping for love, keep the faith. It all starts with self. Self love, self care. Confidence, true confidence is everything.
    Avesha

    Reply
    • Avesha

      I meant to say we are NOT hung up on marriage proposals.

      For relationship coaching please visit my site at Avesha Empower.

      Reply
  6. Chris

    I was married for 26 years and At 58 I’ve given up on finding love. I’m not attracted to older men and they don’t seem to want a woman their age anyway. Seems hopeless to me.

    Reply
    • Lynn

      Yep, I get it. It takea a bit to find the evolved man who is interested in dating a woman his age….but they are out there. You do have to put in the effort (I went on over 100 first dates), but my life is so much more with my new guy. I was totally fine alone, but a great partner is worth the work.

      Reply
  7. Kimberly

    This may sound weird but in high school I was dating a guy not knowing his best friend was in love with me. 35 some yrs later the best friend and have gotten together and I am madly in love with him. Only problem is, is that he’s had a lot of issues lately which I wont name and it keeps us from ever spending quality time together. I’m 51 and I feel like I’m in high school. I want to spend every minute with him but can’t. I feel like I’m going crazy because I love him so much and I’m a very emotional person so tears flow easily. LOL. Hes not the perfect guy…he gets into trouble and does not take any grief from anyone. I just hope I’m doing the right thing by falling this hard for an old classmate from all those years ago

    Reply
  8. Stephen Wardley

    I’m a 64 year old male and although I have had a handful of relationships over the years, none of them have ever resulted in anything meaningful and I’m now beginning to wonder if it was something about my very formative years as a child that have left me incapable of loving anyone. I understand I was an unplanned child and never knew my Father until I was 10. I would love to find out if this was the reason but I don’t know how to go about it. I’ve rather given up on love now but feel I need to know even if I can’t do anything about it.

    Reply
    • Tania

      Stephen, we all have a past. We all have a story. And many of us were denied the love and care that every child is entitled to. It leaves a scar, it changes who you might have been in a way nothing else does. I get it. Alcoholic mother, unknown father, adopted by complete strangers at the age of 12. That doesn’t happen unless some truly bad stuff went down. So I’m kind of an expert on this topic. Yes, it puts you in a deep, dark emotional hole. However. You can either stand at the bottom of that hole, staring up at the light, waiting for the explanation that will never come, the apology that will never come, or you can just start climbing. That little boy is still inside you, and now it’s YOUR responsibility to love him, and care for him. He deserves every kindness you can bestow upon him. Get him into the light, and start making an effort for him.
      The world is full of people to love, who want to love you back. But they aren’t going to come knocking on your door. You are capable of tremendous love, you just haven’t found the person who can get inside a closed heart. So open it up, and go find them.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *