Falling in love after 50 is really really surprising to men and women. How I know this is, I’ve gotten countless emails from readers who are getting divorced and they write that a huge fear for them is that they will never find love again.
Then, the same people email me 6 months or a year or 2 years later and tell me they have fallen madly in love. I swear, I could write a book. It’s that predictable! (in a wonderful way) I also personally experienced love after divorce and can express my feelings on what it is like to fall in love after 50.
While 50 sounds really old to someone who is in their twenties and even thirties (at least it did to me when I was young), someone who falls in love after 50 feels as young as they did when they fell in love at 16 or 22 or 30. Falling in love at any age feels giddy and heart stopping and scary and all consuming. Let’s be honest. It feels effing great!
What is it like to fall in love after 50?
Here’s my story. At age 49, I found myself facing the end of a six-year relationship. At the time, I was very relieved to be out of a situation that I had felt in my heart for a long time wasn’t right. I felt immense sadness, but my gut spoke to me that I did the right thing.
Although fearful of being single again—this time on the brink of 50, I felt strongly that it was better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.
I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I would never again find love, and was actually at peace with it. I had had a romantic wedding and two beautiful kids and thought maybe that was all that was meant to be for me.
I decided that this was a great time in my life to have some fun by engaging in some online dating. I figured I’d go out with a few guys, have some great stories to tell, and post them on Divorced Girl Smiling. Perfect, right?
What I never expected was that shortly after the breakup—before I had even gone on one online date, I would end up going out for dinner with a man I knew from my gym who was recently single. He and I had become friends over the years, and would talk while working out.
It was crazy, but after our second date, I thought, ‘Am I in love?’ It was so totally unexpected, but the new relationship had all the components one needs/wants for love: respect, trust, likability, attraction, chemistry and a lot of laughter. I felt like he just got me, and there was something about this whole thing that felt very very right. Over 7 years later, those same components are not only there, but they are stronger.
What it is like to fall in love after 50 truly is wonderful, and here are the reasons why:
1. People over 50 have learned from our mistakes and are putting our best selves forward.
2. We don’t have unrealistic expectations or get easily disappointed. We have nothing to lose.
3. We are more open-minded and less judgmental.
4. We aren’t looking for a husband/wife. We just want to love and be loved.
5. We are willing to be more vulnerable, therefore making the relationship deeper and more meaningful.
6. We are more self-confident and care less about what the other person thinks. We therefore show our true selves in the relationship.
7. We have gratitude for the relationship, respect it, value it and make it a priority.
I’m not going to say that love under 50 can’t be good. I know many, many people over 50 who say they had many fulfilling relationships in their younger years (which includes marriage for some). But I think falling in love after 50 tends to offer a connection that can be the best love yet.
When you fall in love after 50, it’s like you’re taking everything you’ve learned in life and pouring your best self into your new love. And he or she is doing the same right back. The ingredients that make falling in love over 50 truly wonderful are: self-awareness, maturity, vulnerability, authenticity and appreciation for every day.
If someone asked me, “How do you know if he/she’s the one?” here is my answer. When it’s right, you like everything about yourself and how you are—both when you are together and apart. The person brings out the best in you. The person makes you laugh. You’re not afraid to be yourself with the person. You will do anything for the person—not just say you’ll do anything, really mean it. And that advice goes not just for those falling in love after 50, but for anyone at any age.
So, if you are over 50 and you’ve kind of given up on love because you feel too old or jaded or scared to get hurt, think again. If you’re willing to take everything you’ve learned, have confidence and be your authentic self, keep an open mind, and forget any expectations except for living for today, over 50 might just turn out to be the best years for your love life!
Like this post? Check out, “9 Signs of a Healthy Romantic Relationship”
I agree! When I gave up at 49 years old, he- MY true love walked in unexpectedly. It’s been a wonderful year. We are happy, in love and passionate. It’s like a puppy love on steroids. We are grateful because we had a tough time in previous relationships and marriages. But God blessed the broken road that led us to each other. Amen .
LOVE it!! Enjoy!
Thank you for your honest page. I lost my wife to cancer in 2014 and now are bring up my two teenage kids on my own. Being a single dad is the hardest job I have ever done. I turn 50 in April 2019. I work in law enforcement (no I am not a cop) as Senior Environmental Officer for the Tasmanian EPA. Kids and I surf, bush walk, rock climb etc. please google my name to find additional information .
Are you an Aussie? I tried finding you via Linkdin and FB.
Is it even possible to find someone normal after 17 yrs of relationship… has anybody thought about why me…why me…I m not a bad person..
Yes! My guy was married for 32 years and I was for 21. It took almost nine years, but there are normal guys out there. I was dumped after 20 years after giving my heart, soul, everything to my ex husband. I often wondered “why me” but now I know I was destined for a deeper and more fulfilling relationship.
sooo true! I am 54 dating the love of my life that is 52! we have both been divorced 2 years! We get along and the sex is amazing as is everything else – did I mention the sex is amazing??? 🙂 Happiest I have ever been!!
You’re adorable. I’m so happy for you!!
As a relationship and personal coach I can honestly say you are right, dating and really anything at this stage in our lives is amazing. Mostly because after living our lives… making mistakes and working on ourselves…we know who we are, we have accepted ourselves and by this point we know what we want. We are more confident and self aware and most likely financially and emotionally stable. Kids are grown. Careers are established and we have freedoms we never had in our younger years.
This makes for a very carefree lifestyle and relationship.
As the article states, we are hung up on marriage proposals and happily ever afters. We are looking for adventures, passion and self discovery.
Great article…and for those hoping for love, keep the faith. It all starts with self. Self love, self care. Confidence, true confidence is everything.
I meant to say we are NOT hung up on marriage proposals.
For relationship coaching please visit my site at Avesha Empower.
I was married for 26 years and At 58 I’ve given up on finding love. I’m not attracted to older men and they don’t seem to want a woman their age anyway. Seems hopeless to me.
Yep, I get it. It takea a bit to find the evolved man who is interested in dating a woman his age….but they are out there. You do have to put in the effort (I went on over 100 first dates), but my life is so much more with my new guy. I was totally fine alone, but a great partner is worth the work.
This may sound weird but in high school I was dating a guy not knowing his best friend was in love with me. 35 some yrs later the best friend and have gotten together and I am madly in love with him. Only problem is, is that he’s had a lot of issues lately which I wont name and it keeps us from ever spending quality time together. I’m 51 and I feel like I’m in high school. I want to spend every minute with him but can’t. I feel like I’m going crazy because I love him so much and I’m a very emotional person so tears flow easily. LOL. Hes not the perfect guy…he gets into trouble and does not take any grief from anyone. I just hope I’m doing the right thing by falling this hard for an old classmate from all those years ago
I’m a 64 year old male and although I have had a handful of relationships over the years, none of them have ever resulted in anything meaningful and I’m now beginning to wonder if it was something about my very formative years as a child that have left me incapable of loving anyone. I understand I was an unplanned child and never knew my Father until I was 10. I would love to find out if this was the reason but I don’t know how to go about it. I’ve rather given up on love now but feel I need to know even if I can’t do anything about it.
Stephen, we all have a past. We all have a story. And many of us were denied the love and care that every child is entitled to. It leaves a scar, it changes who you might have been in a way nothing else does. I get it. Alcoholic mother, unknown father, adopted by complete strangers at the age of 12. That doesn’t happen unless some truly bad stuff went down. So I’m kind of an expert on this topic. Yes, it puts you in a deep, dark emotional hole. However. You can either stand at the bottom of that hole, staring up at the light, waiting for the explanation that will never come, the apology that will never come, or you can just start climbing. That little boy is still inside you, and now it’s YOUR responsibility to love him, and care for him. He deserves every kindness you can bestow upon him. Get him into the light, and start making an effort for him.
The world is full of people to love, who want to love you back. But they aren’t going to come knocking on your door. You are capable of tremendous love, you just haven’t found the person who can get inside a closed heart. So open it up, and go find them.
Having been single for over 14 years after a 25 year relationship, I just started a relationship with someone. We had a crush on each other in 6th grade and reconnected. You nailed it in this blog! There is a contentment and awareness that is hard to explain, yet alone believe. A couple of things you didn’t address, speed and sex. I am finding that over 50 relationships can move quickly because honesty is easy and you both know what you need and want. And sex…you feel like 16 but your bodies are not. Incredibly, you have a deeper enjoyment, along with a lot of laughs.
If you are out there waiting, relax, it will happen when it is meant to. Enjoy everyday to the fullest being happy with you and you will have so much more to give when love happens!
I’ve been alone for a while now and have come to feel like a partner would be a significant improvement in my life. I’m a bit of an individual with a penchant to chat with total strangers, but can assure any prospective partner that I’m seeking a secure relationship.
This is spot on! Post-divorce After dating several men of varying ages and backgrounds I had pretty much settled on the fact that my love life was in the past. Then just for companionship I went online and ended up meeting the most wonderful man and unexpectedly fell in love with him. He wasn’t really even my “type” but i thought I would give it a go he was funny which caught my attention. A decade older than me which also was not anything I had ever considered before. You’re right though – when you bring with you knowing what you don’t want and knowing what mistakes not to repeat, how not to take someone for granted and to live each day to the fullest it makes for a beautiful and easy loving relationship. Those small things are sooo big. I’ve never felt so happy, confident and comfortable in love before in my life. The sheer love and respect that we have for each other blows my mind. It is something that I never knew existed in real life.
After two marriages and two divorces and at 55, I found the love of my life online. I just can’t imagine living the rest of my days without Brian. He inspires me and I admire him. He is surely my last love and I am for him!