Dating someone new is the best! It’s a blissful, fairytale-like time that is meant to be enjoyed. All that said, let’s be honest, there is so much infatuation going on that the couple can’t see a single fault in the other person. In other words, they have permanent beer goggles for at least the first three months.
One of the reasons it feels so great is that after months and months (sometimes years and years) of dating weirdos and creeps and men or women who broke your heart or let you down or disappointed you or made you feel hopeless that you would ever find romantic happiness again, you meet someone and something magical happens – a powerful connection that takes on a life of its own and takes the two of you on a whirlwind of romance.
You see each other every possible chance you get, you talk on the phone for hours when you’re not together, you send cute texts to each other every half hour, you gush to your friends about him or her until they are nauseous, and if there’s a holiday with gift-giving involved, look out. It’s a major production.
The sight of him or her makes your heart pound. The two of you can’t do enough for each other. The chemistry you feel is indescribable, and frighteningly perfect.Things can’t get any better. Your new guy or girl can do nothing wrong. You are seriously pinching yourself because you can’t believe how lucky you just got and you’re afraid it might all be a dream.
But all that said, one tiny little bit of the older and wiser you is waiting for the shoe to drop. Only a tiny bit, though. It would take a lot to change the hue of those rose-colored glasses you’re currently wearing. But the reality is, the newness will wear off. That isn’t a bad thing. In fact, the relationship could turn deeply meaningful, loving, committed and blissfully long-term, which could last the rest of your life. Or, it could crash and burn next week and you could end up saying to yourself, “What the heck was I thinking?”
Whichever way the relationship goes, it can’t stay where it is today. Romantic relationships are ever changing, which is both good and scary. A relationship changes because with time we continue to get to know more and more about our partner, and it can change our opinion of that person, positively or negatively in different degrees. Even after decades together, couples still find there are things they never knew about each other. Add to the mix outside factors that can affect the relationship, i.e. stuff happens. It is during the most difficult times that we find out a lot about what we have (or don’t have) in our partner.
New relationships are exhilarating. Everything is fresh. It’s untainted and pure and easy and it just feels so darn good. For those who are divorced or widowed or who haven’t dated or been in a relationship in a long time, a new relationship is often delightfully unexpected. Why? Perhaps because the bar has been set so low due to the hurt the person has faced in the past. So when love hits, it’s kind of shocking.
Whatever ends up happening in the new relationship – whether it ends in happily ever after or it blows up after two weeks or it turns out to be something in between, just knowing you still have the capability to feel sexy and attractive, and to give and receive love and affection is a huge gift, which should be cherished and appreciated, and never, ever regretted.
Here are 8 tips for dating someone new:
1. If you are worried the shoe is going to drop, don’t. Just enjoy now. You deserve it. The shoe may never drop or it will. It’s out of your control so try not to think about it.
2. Be your true authentic self right from the start. If you try to act like someone else-like someone you think your new partner will like, he/she will eventually see the real you and might not like it. So, if you act like “the real you” from the start, and he/she likes it, you will never lose.
3. It’s OK to show vulnerability. It actually makes the relationship better. When you are vulnerable and you see that your new person loves you for it, you will feel amazing!
4. Remember that you deserve all this nauseating happiness, especially if you’ve been through hurt and heartbreak during and after your divorce.
5. Don’t ignore red flags. If he/she is drinking 8 beers on every date, that’s a red flag. If he/she is getting late night texts, that could be a red flag. Talking about his/her ex in a negative way excessively is a red flag that might mean the person isn’t over the divorce. Your gut will spell out red flags. The important thing is to listen to your gut. I’m not saying break up, but be aware of it.
6. If you stay together for a long time, try to always treat each other the way you are treating each other now-with adoration and respect. Listen to each other, I mean really listen. Stay thoughtful and appreciative of each other. Never forget that relationships are all about enjoying spending time together, and trust.
7. Have protected sex until you both get tested for all STDs. I cannot stress this one enough. Did you know that there is a very high percentage of STDs in men and women over 50? Because we aren’t worried about getting pregnant, women don’t use condoms, and don’t realize how vulnerable they might be to an STD.
8. Take a minute to appreciate and have gratitude for the new relationship. Pray daily to keep it this way. I promise you, it works!
Like this article? Check out my piece, “The Perfect Kiss: Which One Defines Yours?”