This is a guest blog by Amy Koko, writer and author of her blog, Ex Wife New Life. I loved reading Amy’s story and I wanted to share it with you. While reading this, you will not only be laughing out loud, but this is an inspiring story that every divorced person should read, because it’s about accepting, moving on, and letting go of that anger we all tend to hold on to. Enjoy!
Life Goes On, by Amy Koko
I’m a sister wife!! My ex has remarried. As he said in his wedding speech, (of which a video was smuggled out of the ceremony and into my greedy hands, ) he has met the love of his life. DUDE! Does 27 years of folded socks, dry cleaning pick up, oh- and birthing four children count for nothing these days? Please don’t tell that to this uterus that now hits the water when I sit down to pee.
Was I a perfect wife? Sooorrrrt of…..I admit there were a few things I could have done better. There were times when a lone, dirty black sock, would end up in the dryer with a Bounce sheet, so that there would be a pair for my unsuspecting hubby in the morning. I am sorry there would be way more creases in his pants AFTER I ironed them, but I gave it a try, didn’t I? There was the time when a gentleman knocked on my door and told me he would lay mulch for just 50 cents a basket. By the time my ex came roaring home, we were at $1,020.00, with only half of the front yard done. But who had the nicest flower bed on the street that year? Yes indeedy, that would be me, so why hold a grudge?
Of course, it has been a rocky road, this whole divorce thing, especially being replaced before you even knew you were being let go. I went into it kicking and screaming. Oh- and a little stalking and some drunk texting. (If you happened to be one of the lucky recipients, please delete in case I ever decided to run for Governor or anything.) It boils down to one big question, how will I survive this?
Here’s what I want you to know, YOU WILL. Surround yourself with loving friends, a good therapist and most importantly other people who know what you are going through. Find support groups with members you can relate to. You may have to go through several before you find the right fit for you. I went to one where everyone was sitting around talking about their ex’s and crying. I realized I did not want to be one of them. That was a turning point for me. I finally found one with women like myself, ready to stop answering “I’m divorced,” when asked what they do, and build a new life.
The journey was arduous, but my life is happy and full. I am now, in a very good place with my ex. I finally gave up the anger that was causing me huge IBS flare ups and the need for extra botox, and came to terms with the fact that we were no longer a couple. I would even like to offer some advice to the new Mrs. K. I don’t want her to be surprised when during a dinner party her new husband gets up, goes into the bedroom, comes out in pajamas and proceeds to watch the military channel. Just carry on with your guests, I found that works best. Be ready when the doorbell rings and no matter where you are in the house, he will turn to you and demand “Now who is THAT?” Also, he gets very testy in sushi restaurants when they bring all the rolls at once. You may want to order a few at a time….just a heads up.
Bottom line? Life goes on. Sometimes my son will look at me in a certain way with the right side of his mouth turned up, and I see his dad 30 years ago. My oldest daughter lets out a laugh that I first heard 35 years ago when I was standing at my high school locker. Both of my middle children have his laughing blue eyes, however one is dark haired like me, the other blonde like him, a perfect mix. We shared a life for 27 years. No matter what is says on paper, there is no erasing that.
In conclusion, I want to say that divorce forced me to take a good long look at myself, and really get to know the person I am now, not the wife, not the housekeeper. What an amazing feeling to be able to live my life MY way without asking permission to enjoy my new found passions. I love to write. Who knew? I have four great kids, and a respectful relationship with the man who gave them to me. I have a new found inner strength that I never knew was there. My advice? Get through the anger, embrace the acceptance, and your life will be full and fabulous.
Amy Koko is a writer and the author of the blog, Ex Wife New Life. She has been featured in Huffington Post, BlogHer network and Creative Loafing, Tampa. She loves long walks on the beach, is comfortable in an evening gown or jeans and is addicted to Real Housewives of any city.
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