“Why when he left me, does he treat me like crap? I don’t understand. He’s got what he wanted, he’s with her. I’m left to bring up our son alone and yet he is absolutely vicious to me. How do you handle a bullying husband? I’m being bullied non-stop and just don’t see a way out. I work with him, the girlfriend, and their nasty group of friends who seem to love my life being a mess. My life is in pieces and they find it funny. Why do I deserve this?”
Let me start off by saying you deserve NONE of this. A bullying husband is about power, and right now he feels like he has the advantage over you. I feel for you in this situation. I can only imagine how hard this is, especially because he is carrying this into your workplace and involving others.
While I would tell you to stand up for yourself and take back your power, I fear that may make things worse. There is no reasoning with a bullying husband, or in this case, a pack of bullies.
Here are my 5 tips for you for your bullying husband:
1. Record each incident of your bullying husband.
List what happened, who was involved, where it happened and the time. Give this information to either your attorney (if you still have one), or your Human Resources representative. It’s important to create a written record in the event this goes to Court. An attorney, Human Resources or the Court will want evidence to support your statement.
2. Stay safe.
While it seems your bullying is verbal, we want to ensure that no physical harm will come to you or your son. If your safety is at risk, immediately start the process for a restraining order.
3. Your health matters.
A bullying husband can impact your mental and physical health. Mental consequences such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks and low self-esteem are all possible. In addition, physically, headaches, muscle tension, insomnia, frequent illness and digestive problems can come from bullying.
Taking a moment to quiet your mind, journaling, and exercise can be beneficial in managing your stress. It’s important that you stay in optimal shape mentally & physically, not just for yourself, but for your son.
4. Support System.
Having a support system during and post-divorce is key. You have to express your feelings about everything in a safe space. Take a look at your list of friends and family. Anyone you feel safe with talking to and discussing what’s going on? Have you thought about seeing a therapist or divorce coach? Either of them will give you an action plan on getting through this tough time.
5. Understand you are not the problem.
I seriously doubt that you are your ex’s first bulling victim. Understand that he is the problem not you. Stand firm in that belief. Be clear in setting your boundaries, and don’t waiver. Be confident in speaking with him and follow through on your statements. Also, in regards to the group of his friends who are bullying you, shame on them. They are most likely unhappy with their own lives so they deflect their own emotions by bullying an innocent person who they barely know.
I hope this list helps you. Please stay in touch and let us/me know how things are going. Take care and know that this too shall pass!
Debbie LeSean is a divorce expert and life coach to high achieving women executives navigating the divorce funnel. She is an author, public speaker & founder of the nonprofit, 2LIVE Daily, which helps families navigate the mental health maze. Debbie helps women remove the executive mask to gain clarity on their goals and purpose, and achieve a breakthrough. A graduate of V.C.U. and Liberty University, Debbie uses her degrees in Counseling & Executive Leadership to shift mindsets, eliminate limiting belief and release the emotional heaviness that often accompanies divorce. Debbie is a two-time divorcee who took the time to heal WHOLE before stepping into the “best relationship ever.” To connect with Debbie, you can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit her website at debbielesean.com.