Guys Offer Turn-Ons and Turn-Offs in Dating


By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

Dating, especially after divorce can feel like you’re in unfamiliar territory. It’s hard to recall what’s going on in the minds of the men you are now going on dates with. But honestly, dating and men probably haven’t changed much since the last time you were in the dating scene.


To help offer you some insight into what the men you’re dating are thinking, I polled a few thousand men on Cyber Dust and asked them what their turn-ons and turn-offs are when it comes to dating after divorce.


Here’s what they had to say:



  • Whining
  • Being needy
  • Acting shady
  • Nagging
  • A sense of entitlement
  • High maintenance
  • Someone who thinks she is better than everyone
  • Using sex to keep a man
  • Closed minded
  • Insecure
  • Bad breath
  • Bad teeth
  • Signs of being unhealthy or unkept
  • Liar
  • Cheater
  • Talking way too much about the same crap
  • Smoking
  • Materialistic
  • negativity
  • Not willing to compromise on anything
  • Causing drama where none exists
  • Nasty attitude and disposition




  • Little touches, and innocent grabbing of my arm or fingers
  • Good conversation
  • Brains
  • Sarcastic humor
  • Eyes
  • Playfulness
  • Being open to trying new things
  • High heels
  • Upbeat
  • Someone who works to keep her body fit
  • Driven
  • Kind
  • Well read
  • Has options
  • No makeup
  • Being herself
  • Not needy
  • Independent
  • Deep conversation
  • Open minded
  • Confidence
  • Vocal and say what they like in bed
  • When a woman knows who she is and is proud of it
  • A woman who is comfortable with her body, including naked-doesn’t matter if body isn’t perfect]
  • I prefer plump and healthy versus skinny and unhealthy
  • Intelligence
  • The ability to debate and think critically and challenge the status quo
  • A great smile is the best trait
  • Just being genuine and interested
  • Honesty
  • Loyalty
  • Being the true you
  • A woman who is genuinely happy


What is notable is that there 10 more turns-ons on the list than turnoffs, which means to me, men really love and want to see the best in the women they date.


Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph


In closing, if you are new to dating after divorce, it’s great to remember these turn-ons and turn-offs, but it’s even more important to love yourself and be yourself. If you try to be anyone but you, that might be the biggest turn-off to the men you date. And, you are really depriving yourself of authentic happiness.




Katz and Stefani Family Law Attorneys



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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

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