Ask any newly separated man or woman if he or she thinks finding happiness after divorce is possible, and the answer you get will involve a grim outlook.
“Who knows?” they will might say with their head down, their eyes possibly filling with tears. “I haven’t thought that far ahead. I’m just thinking about how to survive RIGHT NOW.”
My opinion is, finding happiness after divorce is not a possibility, but rather a PROBABILITY, and I can say that because of the dozens of divorced women and men I have seen go from sad, weary, scared, frustrated, angry and depressed to happy, self-confident, strong, empowered, and so often, madly in love!
I want to give an example, which happens to be my inspiration for this article. About a year ago, a ran into a friend of mine at the gym, and she told me she and her husband of 10 years were separating. They have two young kids. From what she said, my impression was that it was her husband’s decision. She teared up, and I felt sick about it because I just love this girl.
So, time goes on, and I continue to see her at the gym, always sad, always looking anxious and stressed and sad. It was a look that would make me want to cry. Yet, she kept going to the gym. In other words, she kept living her life.
We would talk every now and again, and she would tell me the usual divorce nightmare stories…
She was worried about finances, she was fearful that she was going to be alone forever, she was worried about how her kids were going to handle this, she knew her husband was dating other women and seemed happy, etc. etc.
So, a few days ago, I ran into her. I hadn’t seen her in awhile, and I noticed she looked absolutely beautiful. I told her so, and she smiled. “Thank you so much. “I’ve lost 18 pounds.” BTW, it wasn’t the weight loss that made her look beautiful to me. It was more of her attitude, a glow, and an inner-peace I was sensing.
I asked how things were and she told me her kids were doing well, and that she changed jobs and loved her new position.
I then said to her, “You met someone, didn’t you?”
“Yes! I did!!” she exclaimed.
She met a man on a dating website who has two children and they are very happy right now. She said she’s not sure what’s going to happen and doesn’t really think about it so much. She’s just enjoying feeling loved and happy.
I hugged her and when I walked away, I felt hopeful and inspired. But, I didn’t really feel surprised. Why? Because this story is so typical, in my opinion. I see it a lot.
I almost feel like happiness after divorce is the norm, for people who work on themselves.
What I mean by “work on themselves” is, it isn’t luck when it comes to finding happiness after divorce. The men and women I meet with a story like my friend’s are those who make good, selfless choices. Those who focus on their children, their career, and who do positive things to heal from their divorce.
Instead of drinking wine every night, they mediate and/or go to therapy. Instead of playing the victim, they focus on fixing the problems they can control, and they realize what they can and can’t control. Instead of wallowing in in sorrow and self-pity, they grieve for a little while and then accept what happened and focus on today. I’m not saying it’s easy or that it doesn’t take time. Time has to go by and grieving must take place. But then it’s time to get strong and make things happen to create a life that you want and know you will be happy living.
From all of these really good choices comes self-confidence, self-love and yes, eventually LOVE.
This girl reminds me of Cinderella, but the difference is, she was her own fairy Godmother. Happiness after divorce is PROBABLE for you, too!
Like this article? Check out, “20 Things I wish I could have told my newly separated self”