No Contact After The First Date? 10 Possible Reasons Why

no contact after first date

By Jackie Pilossoph, Founder, Divorced Girl Smiling, the place to find trusted, vetted divorce professionals, a podcast, website and mobile app.

We’ve all been there. You meet someone, go out with him or her and you develop these wonderful feelings. The idea of this person seems so promising! Maybe he took your phone number after a conversation at a local bar where sparks were flying everywhere. Or, perhaps your first date with him is one you’d describe as one of your best dates ever. But then…nothing. No contact after the first date.

You check your phone 20 times a day. No call from him. No text. No email. He’s disappeared and you have no clue what went wrong. Could your judgment that the feelings the two of you had were even remotely mutual have been that off??? WTF???


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No contact after the first date when you desperately want it is the worst. With emotions that run from anger, humiliation, confusion, hurt, sadness, frustration and hopelessness, his not contacting you after a date can also have you questioning every little thing from the jeans you wore to ordering too much food to …

“Wait, was it something I said??”


But, have you ever thought that maybe no contact after the first date you has everything to do with him and NOTHING to do with you?

I’m not saying no contact after the first date is acceptable. I think everyone should have contact after a date–whether there is a connection or not. A simple text–“thanks for meeting,” is courteous and kind, especially for people dating after divorce. I mean, haven’t we been through enough? Do we need the bad feeling of not even feeling like we’re worth a nice text after a date? BUT, the reason for no contact after the first date might not be personal.

Here are 10 possible reasons he decided not to reach out:


1. He got back together with an ex-girlfriend.

2. He realized he isn’t ready to date right now.


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3. He doesn’t feel good about himself.
4. He doesn’t think you are interested.
5. He lost your contact information.
6. He met someone else.


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7. He’s a player and does it to everyone.
8. The timing was bad for him, he got really busy at work or started traveling for his job.
9. He’s got some baggage that is messing him up when it comes to dating and relationships.
10. He’s just not into you.


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So, in #’s 1-9 I probably sound like your girlfriend who is trying to make you feel better by justifying the no callback with every excuse under the sun. But, the whole point of this article is to make you realize that if you don’t hear from him, you should never take it personally.


A good attitude to have is “Who cares? It wasn’t meant to be and I’m glad I found out how he feels now instead of down the road with time and more feelings invested.” Think of it this way:

It isn’t me, it isn’t him, it’s just not right. When it is right, the guy WILL call me back.


Now, there’s not much I can say about #10. There was actually a whole book and movie titled “He’s just Not That Into You.” I do agree with the authors of “He’s Just Not that Into You,” that if man wants to see you, he will find the time, he will make the effort. It will happen. If he’s just not that into you, he won’t.


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Realize this. When it comes to dating, not every man is going to like you. You aren’t going to like every man. That’s completely OK. Why would you be interested in someone who isn’t interested in you, anyhow? You wouldn’t be. So, pick yourself up off the ground, wipe him off of you like dust, and move on. The guy who you thought was amazing and sexy and sweet and perfect for you—the same guy you never heard from again—A. isn’t the only guy on earth B. Missed out big time. C. Made you available for Mr. Right.

Like this article? Check out, “Dating The Hot and Cold Guy”

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    Jackie Pilossoph

    Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

    Jackie Pilossoph is the Founder of Divorced Girl Smiling, the media company that connects people facing with divorce to trusted, vetted divorce professionals. Pilossoph is a former NBC affiliate television journalist and Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press features reporter. Her syndicated column, Love Essentially was published in the Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press and Tribune owned publications for 7 1/2 years. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University. Learn more at:

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