No Contact After The First Date? 10 Possible Reasons Why

no contact after first date

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

We’ve all been there. You meet someone, go out with him or her and you develop these wonderful feelings. The idea of this person seems so promising! Maybe he took your phone number after a conversation at a local bar where sparks were flying everywhere. Or, perhaps your first date with him is one you’d inscribe in the book of your 10 best dates ever. But then…nothing. No contact after the first date.

You check your phone 20 times a day. No call from him. No text. No email. He’s disappeared and you have no clue what went wrong. Could your judgment that the feelings the two of you had were even remotely mutual have been that off??? WTF???


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No contact after the first date when you desperately want it is the worst. With emotions that run from anger, humiliation, confusion, hurt, sadness, frustration and hopelessness, his not contacting you after a date can also have you questioning every little thing from the jeans he saw you in to ordering too much food to …

“Wait, was it something I said??”


But, have you ever thought that maybe no contact after the first date you has everything to do with him and NOTHING to do with you?

I’m not saying no contact after the first date is acceptable. I think everyone should have contact after a date–whether there is a connection or not. A simple text–“thanks for meeting,” is courteous and kind, especially for people dating after divorce. I mean, haven’t we been through enough? Do we need the bad feeling of not even feeling like we’re worth a nice text after a date? BUT, the reason for no contact after the first date might not be personal.

Here are 10 possible reasons he decided not to reach out:


1. He got back together with an ex-girlfriend.
2. He realized he isn’t ready to date right now.


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3. He feels bad about himself.
4. He doesn’t think you are interested.
5. He lost your contact information.
6. He met someone else.


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7. He’s a player and does it to everyone.
8. The timing was bad for him, he got really busy at work or started traveling for his job.
9. He’s got some baggage that is messing him up when it comes to dating and relationships.
10. He’s just not into you.


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So, in #’s 1-9 I probably sound like your girlfriend who is trying to make you feel better by justifying the no callback with every excuse under the sun. But, the whole point of this article is to make you realize that if you don’t hear from him, you should never take it personally—even if it is.


A good attitude to have is “Who cares? It wasn’t meant to be and I’m glad I found out how he feels now instead of down the road with time and more feelings invested.

It isn’t me, it isn’t him, it’s just not right. When it is right, the guy WILL call me back.”


Now, there’s not much I can say about #10. There was actually a whole book and movie titled “He’s just Not That Into You.” I do agree with the authors of “He’s Just Not that Into You,” that if man wants to see you, he will find the time, he will make the effort. It will happen. If he’s just not that into you, he won’t.


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Realize this. When it comes to dating, not every man is going to like you. You aren’t going to like every man. That’s completely OK. Why would you be interested in someone who isn’t interested in you, anyhow? You wouldn’t be. So, pick yourself up off the ground, wipe him off of you like dust, and move on. The guy who you thought was amazing and sexy and sweet and perfect for you—the same guy you never heard from again—A. isn’t the only guy on earth B. Missed out big time. C. Made you available for Mr. Right.

Like this article? Check out, “Dating The Hot and Cold Guy”


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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

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