A couple days ago, when I read that The Captain and Tennille were getting divorced, I really felt like crying. I mean, seriously. With songs like Love will keep us together and Do that to me one more time, how could the two of them not ended up happily ever after?
It made me realize that no one really knows what’s going on in a couple’s relationship except the two people in it. That’s why certain people, who we deem “perfect couples” get separated and everyone is shocked.
That’s also why couples who are mismatches, who no one ever thought would make it past the first three months end up celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Shania Twain’s You’re Still the One makes this point: “They said, I bet they’ll never make it but just look at us holding on. We’re still together, still going strong.”
That brings me to the advice part of this blog, which is what to do when you hate the guy (or girl) your best friend is marrying. Here’s the advice. Shut up!!!!!
Seriously. Don’t say a word. Say nothing. Why? Because you aren’t marrying him or her, your friend is. Speak now or forever hold your peace isn’t really a choice for you if you want to remain friends with your best friend. Because if you “speak now,” he or she will get very upset, and then stop being your friend. That’s right. Your friend will side with the person they are marrying and you will be promptly taken off the guest list.
There are exceptions. If you are suspicious that there is physical or mental abuse going on, you need to speak up, and possibly even get your friend’s family involved. If you suspect an addiction, you need to have a heart to heart with your friend about it and express your concerns.
But, if the girl just kind of bugs you, or if this dude is someone you just don’t feel is good enough for your friend, butt out. Let them be happy. Because in five years from now, they might be singing Shania Twain’s song at the top of their lungs. Or, they might be divorced, in which case you were right, but had you spoken up, it wouldn’t have changed anything. They’d still be divorced, only you and your friend would be reconnecting during the divorce, because you would not have been speaking during the entire marriage.
The flipside is, you could love love love your best friend’s boyfriend, and you could think he is the perfect guy for her, and they could end up blissfully married forever or divorced. People change. Things happen. Just as they did with The Captain and Tennille.
I just thought of something. In the mid 70’s, Toni Tennille (who had that haircut every girl ran out to get, including me-a fourth grader at the time) did a remake of My Mama Told Me, You better Shop Around. Was that a sign? Do you think she wishes she would have? I say, no way. She was married to the captain for 39 years! Love really did keep them together for a long, long time.