Wondering if I will ever find anyone to love me. My Ex told me that No one is ever going to want me…plus a few other words.
Reading your note ripped my heart out. The pain you feel is palpable in your words and of course you feel fear and rejection after what your Ex has said to you. Anyone hearing “no one is ever going to want you,” might feel the way you do and so I encourage you to grieve and experience the feelings you are having over the end of your relationship and the toxic words that were spoken to you.
After grieving and coming to terms with all of your feelings, I’m really hoping you realize your what your ex said isn’t kind or decent. His statement makes him seem aggressive, toxic, and ultimately not worthy of your love (or anyone else’s for that matter). Saying words such as he said to you are the signs of a very unhappy, insecure, and cruel person.
Why you shouldn’t believe “No one is ever going to want me”
It isn’t uncommon, what your ex said to you. I have heard similar words before, and I think it’s because your ex wants you to doubt yourself. In a way, he’s punishing you, trying to hold you back, or perhaps trying to prevent you to have enough self-confidence to go out and date.
A statement like, “no one is ever going to want you” is meant to scare you, like a bully does. He thinks maybe if he tells you no one is ever going to want you, you will be more afraid of getting divorced, of being alone, of trying to find love. Also, have you ever thought that maybe he is reflecting back on you what he thinks about himself? Maybe he is thinking, “no one is ever going to want me,” but to self-protect, he places that statement onto you. In any event, it’s not true, and one day you will see that, and you will be so grateful that he is no longer in your life.
I also hope that you realize that it isn’t your job to make someone else love you. It’s their job to love you and it’s your job to accept and receive that love. I can’t guarantee that that will happen for you but I can guarantee that finding a healthy, kind, and loving relationship is possible when you love yourself and believe in yourself.
NEVER give your power or how you feel about yourself to anyone else. NEVER. Say it with me, “I will never give my power or self-esteem to anyone else. I decide how I feel about myself. Always.”
Your Ex is a shmuck for saying those words to you. Yet you are fully responsible for believing them or not. It may sound like I’m being a bit tough on you and if so, you are right! Loving yourself, believing in yourself, finding your voice, and your self confidence are up to you. When you find them, will it guarantee that you find a new life partner? Maybe or maybe not, but it will guarantee that you don’t find another crappy life partner.
Someone is going to want you…
Use this time to find you. Who are you really? What do you love to do? What are you good at? What are your gifts? What types of people do you want in your life? What goals do you have? Take this time to surround yourself with your own fan club. Find friends and family who believe in you and whose company you enjoy. Find joy and love as a single woman and in doing so find your confidence and a plan for your future.
Vow to not get involved with anyone that tries to hold you back or push you down in any way. You will find a far happier life as a fulfilled confident single woman than you will with someone who criticizes and judges you. You are worth so much more than that and did I mention that you must never give your confidence away to anyone else? Take this time to stand on your own, proudly, and with complete confidence that when someone who is worthwhile comes your way, you will choose if you want them or not.
Lisa Kaplin, Psy. D., CPC is a professional certified life and executive coach, psychologist, and professional speaker. She helps people tackle that “One day I’ll do this and then I’ll be happy” goal, today. You can reach Lisa at Lisa@lisakaplin.com or lisakaplin.com
Like this article? Check out, “20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self”