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By Jackie Pilossoph, Divorced Girl Smiling Editor-in-Chief

 

After posting my last blog, “When the Divorce Is Final,” and talking about how I bought myself an expensive piece of jewelry, I received a response from “Kat,” prompting me to a blog she wrote on this very subject, which is one aspect of life after divorce.

I loved the blog so much, I wanted to share it with you. Kat tells her story in a hilarious but endearing way. And what’s very ironic is that my next novel (coming out this summer) is about a divorced woman who doesn’t know what to do with her ring!! Enjoy Kat’s adorable blog!

I, Kat, Promise to Love, Honor and Cherish MYSELF by Kat

 

Kat 1

 

 

You sure looked good on me. I’ll miss you.

 

For any woman who’s gotten engaged, you remember the feeling of being borderline or actually obsessed with your new engagement ring. It’s new and sparkly and (yikes!) expensive, but best of all, an exciting statement to the world: someone loves me so much that he wants to spend his entire freaking life with ME!

I was no different. I love my engagement ring. I had no idea at the time, but Max shopped and compared and agonized over finding the perfect ring for me. It is a round cut diamond in a classic solitaire setting – a lovely reflection of Max’s and my tastes. I wore it with much pride and love for four and half years.

But as things disintegrated between Max and me, the ring felt more like a burden than a symbol of love. By autumn 2012, I was very ready to take it off. Once we’d picked a mediator, I was done. I put the ring in a box and hid it in my underwear drawer. I didn’t even want to see the box anymore.

I started detaching myself emotionally from the ring and shifted towards viewing it as an asset with monetary value. I decided that as soon as the divorce was final, I would sell it and use some of the money to buy myself a ring for my right hand and put the rest of money in my savings account.

I spent the past two months going to jewelers to see what they would pay me for it (not enough!), and eventually found someone to sell it for me on eBay. I then placed the order for my new bling – a set of three stackable rings, each ring with 12 diamonds in a different shade of gold. It looked absolutely nothing like any engagement or wedding band I’ve seen. It would be a little funky but classy. The perfect “I’m married to me!” ring.

kat 2

 

Look! Depression in a box!

Well, on Thursday, the time came to send my ring off to the eBay seller. That morning, I put it on one last time. As I packaged up the ring, I was surprised to feel a knot in my chest and a lump in my throat. This ugly brown box and plastic wrap was so unworthy of transporting the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’d ever had. Some stranger was going to sell this ring, and some other stranger will (hopefully) buy it. SOME OTHER WOMAN WILL WEAR MY RING. Was I really ready to say goodbye to the ring and the promises it symbolized? I considered waiting to send it, but whether I sent it that day or in a month, it would still hurt, so no time like the present. And there was no way this ring was coming to my new apartment whenever I move. I took a deep breath and sealed the box with excessive packing tape.

I went to my company’s mailroom to send it off. Here’s how the conversation with Tom the mailroom guy went:

[me entering the value of the package on the UPS website]
Tom: Uh, did you mean to put in that many zeros?
Me: Yes.
Tom: Wow, what’s in there?
Me: My engagement ring.
Tom: Oh, you getting it sized or something?
Me: Nope. I just got divorced. I’m selling it.
Tom: Uh, I’m really sorry… uhh…
[awkward pause]
Me: I know, you feel awkward now. Stop feeling awkward. Let’s get this shipped!

Next thing I knew, Tom was putting my beloved ring in with the pile of other packages for the UPS driver. (By the way, my package was the most expensive thing Tom’s ever shipped. At least he got a good story to tell his buddies this weekend.) With a $126 charge for the shipping fee slapped on my credit card, I headed back to my desk with a heavy heart.

kat 3

It’s not a coincidence that i got a manicure. I’m going to show this baby off!

But! How is this for timing? The next morning, the jeweler called to say my ring was ready a week early (and not a moment too soon).

I put it on today and tears sprang to my eyes. The small diamonds sparkled against the three shades of gold. I might have another great love, or I might not. But no matter what happens in my life, this new ring will be on my right ring finger. It’s my promise to love, honor, and cherish ME.

What did you do with your engagement or wedding ring?

Kat is the author of the blog, Surviving and Thriving in the first year of my Divorce. Visit the site: http://1styrdivorce.blogspot.com

 

 


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Author: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling offers advice, inspiration and hugs. If you want a Cinderella story, be your own fairy godmother. You're the only one who can pick out that perfect glass slipper!

8 Responses to “Life After Divorce: I, Kat, Promise to Love, Honor and Cherish MYSELF”

    • Divorced Kat

      I think we usually “lose” money on the wedding/engagement rings, but we gain so much by getting them out of our lives! I know that my engagement ring was not welcome in my new apartment.

      Reply
  1. liberated mama

    Hi Kat,

    I have been on my own for almost ten years and decided for my 40th birthday (6 years ago) to take my engagement ring and wedding band to the jeweler. I gave him my rings and was able to get a beautiful right hand ring, it cost a little bit of money but my mom said it was her treat to me!

    I loved your article and look at my ring with pride and hope for the future!

    Reply
    • Divorced Kat

      Thank you! I feel the same way about my ring. It’s my gift for me, and no matter what happens, it will be on my hand. I also think it’s therapeutic to take something that used to symbolize hope (until it didn’t) and trade it in for something that will always symbolize hope.

      Reply

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