How do you rebuild your life after divorce at 50? It takes time and it’s a long journey, but it can be wonderful! Let me start by saying that when facing divorce, you have a choice. You can let the divorce define you and choose to believe you are a failure, or you can use the life-changing event as an opportunity to learn, to grow, and do the work to become the best version of yourself.
I’m not saying that you can’t feel hurt or feel like a victim in your divorce. Feeling our feelings is critical to our wellbeing.I understand this firsthand, as I went through a divorce in 2014. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to live in victimhood temporarily, to pitch your tent and stay there for as long as you need to, but you don’t get to build a house there.After a while, it’s time to pack it all up and move on to thriving and creating a life you love. Your life is waiting for you! It’s exciting if you are willing to look at it that way.
Rebuilding your life after divorce at 50 or at any age can be both challenging and exhilarating.. In all likelihood, you have spent the better portion of your life with your ex. Being married, even if it wasn’t a good marriage, was how you learned to live and survive. Now, here you are in your 50’s facing a whole new life.
Change isn’t easy for anyone, and it’s even harder the older we get. So, it’s not going to be comfortable and easy. The changes you are about to make are going to feel strange and scary, but that’s all part of the journey and I promise, you will adjust and be so much happier than you ever thought! Here are some lifestyle changes that I remember during/after my divorce:
1. Financial Adjustments:
Divorce often leads to a change in financial circumstances. This could mean adjusting to a single income, budgeting for alimony or child support, and learning to manage finances independently. This was my case, and I used it as an opportunity to become empowered financially. It seemed that my ex and I were constantly paying off credit cards, and I vowed to never be in that position again. I worked with a financial coach and through my work with her and taking the time to educate myself, I became financially literate and felt like I had more control over my future than I ever had before!
2. Housing Changes:
Selling your marital home then finding the home to start your next chapter is often part of the divorce process. I go into this more below. This can be challenging and exciting all at the same time. In my case, I was ready to let go of my marital home. I purchased a new home and loved being able to pick the paint colors and the décor with my daughters so we could make it what we wanted.
3. Social and Relationship Dynamics:
It’s interesting to see what happens with your friendships post-divorce. Some will stay and some will go. Some will judge and some will support. I learned who would be the ones I wanted to surround myself with, and slowly moved away from those I didn’t. As a result I curated a very supportive group of friends, but that took time, and I had to grieve what I had lost, and celebrate what I gained.
4. Personal Time:
After my divorce I found myself with a lot of time to myself. Once I got over the loneliness, I learned to embrace the alone time. I pursued new hobbies, I read more than I had in years, I took baths, watched movies (the ones I wanted to watch!) and I even would go to dinner by myself, something I never thought I would ever do. It was an empowering time, remembering that I can be just fine being alone.
5. Emotional and Mental Health Focus:
Divorce can be emotionally taxing, making it crucial to prioritize mental health. I sought out therapy, went on retreat weekends, and got my hands on any kind of self help book, podcast, or workshop that I could find. I knew I had a lot of healing to do, and this was the time to do it.
In addition to your lifestyle changes, you are also dealing with hormone and body changes! That’s no small thing. Even happily married women have a hard time, let alone going through a divorce at the same time. But here’s the cool thing. Along with all of these changes, you also have a lot more wisdom than you did before you were married.
You have lived a full life, and with every wrinkle and every Botox injection, comes a deep knowledge and knowing of who you are and what you want. Even if you don’t know exactly, there are tons of resources to help you find out. There are therapists and divorce coaches who specialize in exactly this; helping women figure out what they want their life to be like, and then helping them meet their goals and get there. Friends and family can be a great resource as well (especially the ones who are similar age as you, think of all the wisdom that can come from them!)
A major part of rebuilding your life after divorce at 50 or any age is deciding where you want to live. If you own a home with your ex-spouse, there will be a decision that has to be made about keeping it or selling. I specialize in helping clients come to that decision. Together we figure out thenumbers, the benefits, the drawbacks, and really dig deep to make sure the decision turns out to be the right one. .
This is not the time to be making an emotional decision. Really, no decisions during divorce should be made emotionally, but especially when it comes to your house; your largest asset. Certainly there are a lot of factors that go into making this decision. If you have the option of staying in the home, making sure you can afford the mortgage payment is critical. I would suggest having a consultation with a mortgage lender who is a Certified Divorce Lending Professional. They are trained to assist people getting divorced.
Next, If you have children still living at home, that’s part of the decision, as well. My best advice to clients is to get really clear and grounded on what you want your life to look like after your divorce. Again, a divorce coach is extremely helpful for these kinds of decisions.Do you want to live in the suburbs or is this an opportunity for you to live in a more urban area? Do you want to downsize and live more simply, or do you want to have a large home for gatherings? Where you live is part of rebuilding your life, so taking the time to think critically and logically is key. I love having these conversations with my clients, as I not only offer professional advice, but I’ve been in your situation.
Rebuilding your life after divorce at 50 can be an incredible journey if you choose for it to be. It’s all about mindset and attitude. We know it isn’t easy. I know you are in pain and that you are grieving. But I also know how strong you are—even if you don’t. I know that because I can’t count the number of clients I’ve worked with who started the divorce process scared and with low self-esteem, and ended up happy and healthy and loving their post-divorce life. The question is, What steps will you take to live the fullest, best life? The first step I’d love for you to take is calling me! I’d love to support you.
I am a Realtor with a passion for helping women with children going through divorce, and a drive to help all types of buyers and sellers minimize their stress and maximize their Real Estate investment. I am here to transform the Real Estate experience for my clients from one typically filled with fear, uncertainty, monumental challenges to one with courage, ease, abundant opportunity and a tool for wealth building. I am here to guide my clients through their Real Estate transaction in Highlands Ranch, Sterling Ranch, Littleton, Centennial, Lone Tree and Castle Rock.
I am aligned with Live.Laugh.Denver. Real Estate Group, a women-owned boutique firm focused on elevating the client experience by empowering their agents with marketing, technology and communication systems. The goal at Live.Laugh.Denver is to support my same mission of maximizing your investment, minimizing your stress, and helping clients build wealth, while offering a couple laughs along the way.
I was always told if you can’t say it best yourself, find someone else to say it for you…
“Maci was by far the best real estate agent I have ever worked with, and I have worked with a lot in my adult life. Her level of service was truly second to none. From the very beginning of our engagement when I told her “I think I spotted my dream house” all the way through to the day of our closing when issues were arising, she came alongside and helped us with an incredible holistic perspective on the process. She has a way about her that allows people to trust.”
Let this chapter of your life be the best one ever! Contact me. Let’s see if we’re a good fit.