Divorced Mom Goes From Small Apartment To Beautiful Condo! Why Is She So Sad?

divorced mom

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

I’m a divorced mom who has been divorced almost 2 years. My two young daughters and I moved into a small 2 bedroom apartment shortly after the divorce and have been living there for a couple years. Yesterday I put in a bid on a condo. I should feel proud of myself and happy, but for some reason I just feel sad that I’m not doing it with a husband, and that I have to do it on my own. How do I change the way I feel about this?

 

As a divorced mom myself, I can understand how this divorced mom might feel. There are times I miss having a husband, a partner, someone to share a home with, and feeling like a traditional family, especially during important, exciting times like buying a new home.

 

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I have to believe many divorced men and women feel a little bit lonely  in this way at times. It makes sense that if you committed to being married at one point, you probably liked the idea of marriage. Perhaps you just married the wrong person.

 

Putting all this aside, there are many reasons why this divorced mom should be happy about buying a new place on her own and moving from a rental apartment to a home that she owns. In fact, she should be doing cartwheels around her kitchen (or I should say, her soon-to-be former kitchen)!

Here’s why I want this divorced mom to be happy about her decision to buy a place:

What she has done—going from a rental to becoming a homeowner on her own is remarkably impressive! It’s an accomplishment and something in which she should be so proud.

 

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It takes a whole lot of guts to buy a place on your own. It takes learning the process, trusting your real estate agent and financial advisor, mortgage banker and other professionals involved, finding time to clean out and stage your old place, trusting yourself to buy a place you know will make your family happy, getting a mortgage, being responsible to fix up and maintain the home, and so many more things! Speaking from experience, that’s not easy!! Only a divorced mom with a certain kind of independence, strength and courage can handle it.

 

Sometimes I think divorced women don’t even realize half of what they are capable of. They sometimes lack self-confidence and faith that they are doing much more than just fine on their own. That they don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.

 

Now, do I think this divorced mom and other divorced moms should give up on finding love again, and accept that they are going to be alone? Hell no. I just want them to realize they are just fine until they do find it.

In fact, I truly believe that those who are independent, emotionally healthy, accepting and at peace with the past will find love again if they want it.

Until then, I hope that this divorced mom (and all divorced moms who are single) finds a way to truly celebrate the enormity of what she has done. She has purchased a home for herself and her children. She has shown her young girls strength and empowerment. She didn’t sit around waiting to meet a man to get her out of the small apartment. Instead, she got herself a place that felt right, a place she knows she and her family will enjoy and grow and prosper. It’s truly inspirational.

 

I hope she will let go of the sadness and realize that until she finds love, she needs to love herself, including for what she did. For now, her job is to decorate her new home with warmth, love, health and of course, self-pride.

Like this post? Check out, “Dating Advice for ‘I Want A Real Relationship.'”

 

 

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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

3 Responses to “Divorced Mom Goes From Small Apartment To Beautiful Condo! Why Is She So Sad?”

  1. My names is bitiro Noah

    My contribution as a member of this group is they must be try the second chance, all we have passed on the same rough but we still searching for a right person on this Earth, and any one interested in me please welcome ladies thank you so much my response will be highly appreciated and consider in my next email .

    Reply
  2. Geri

    I understand perfectly how “divorced mom” feels. I did the same-I am separated/ divorce pending due to civil. I did it all myself- cleaned out, sold my house, bought a condo, moved, decorated- my kids helped me so much. I sm proud of myself for getting it all done with no help from “him”. But I also would like to have someone go share life with- not looking to remarry at this time. So , be proud of what you have accomplished for yourself and your children!! They will be strong if you are!!!

    Reply

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