Divorce and The New Year: 12 Resolutions

divorce and the new year

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

For many people, the new year is a new beginning, a chance to start over. And actually, a very optimistic person might view divorce in the same way. I think divorce, as sad as it is, can also mean new opportunity, a happier life, and a more peaceful way to live. So, when it comes to divorce and the new year, there are certain new year’s resolutions every divorced person should consider, actions that will make 2022 your best year ever!

These don’t have to be your new year’s resolutions, but they might make you think about things, and what you might be able to change to better yourself and your life.

Divorce and the new year: 12 resolutions:

1.    I will try to treat my ex with kindness and respect:

Are you rolling your eyes? Don’t! Treating your ex this way is good for YOU and good for your kids. Have you ever heard anyone say, “I wish I wouldn’t have been so nice?” Never. You will like yourself more and that self-like/love will change things for you. I promise.

 

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2.    I will only talk about my ex in a good way in front of our kids.

When kids hear their mom or dad talk about the other in a negative way, it seriously kills them. They hate it so much. Please, call your girlfriend and vent and complain about your ex if you need to, or tell your therapist, or your divorce coach, or journal your pain. However you need to express your frustration, do it. Just don’t do it in front of the kids.

3.    I will stop looking at old photos of my ex for a little while.

If you are the one who was left, and/or you still wish you were with your ex-spouse, you might still be looking at photos and thinking, “If only I would have done this…maybe we’d still be together…” Please please stop torturing and/or punishing yourself. You don’t deserve that at all. Try not to look back and think about what you regret, what you did wrong, and instead look at the future and try to imagine what and who will make you happy. Put the photos away just for a little while.

 4.    I will make more of an effort and keep an open mind when it comes to dating.

This is the year to say yes to blind dates, get your profile up on a dating app, and reach out to that guy who you know has an interest in you. What are you waiting for? Look, I know dating is scary and there are so many duds out there. But there are also so many wonderful people who want to be in a great romantic relationship.  You deserve to be happy! So, if you want to meet someone, take action.

 

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5.    I will take the high road, regardless of how my ex is acting

In case your ex doesn’t get around to reading this article, and he or she is his or her same old self, acting rude, being short, saying cruel things, just let it roll off of you like rain on a plastic rain coat. If you act polite, you will never be sorry. What good does acting rude back do? Nothing but hurt your children.

6.    I will stop talking about him/her to everyone who will listen.

I understand that you need to vent, but know when it’s enough. What I’m saying is, no one wants to meet you for a glass of wine and hear about what a jerk your ex is or who he is dating and what a bitch that girl is. Remember that everyone has problems, even if they have a good marriage. Don’t forget to ask your girlfriends about THEIR lives. I know it seems like your divorce is the center of the universe (that’s how it was with me) and it is. But there is so much more in life to talk about.

7.    I will appreciate my body and my health and stop focusing on my physical flaws.

Instead of worrying that you just gained 10 pounds during the holidays, focus on the fact that you are healthy enough to go to the gym and lose it in January. You’re great! You’re beautiful! Focus on highlighting what you HAVE and lastly, if you love yourself on the inside, you will like what you see in the mirror.

8.    I will stop analyzing what went wrong or what I did wrong.

Leave the past in the past. It’s exhausting to keep drudging it up. Aren’t you tired? Think about today. Live and enjoy every single day. And, think ahead to how you are going to get the life you want and deserve. Living in the past only creates sadness and regret. You deserve better than that.

 

 

9.    I will try to let go of the hate, anger and resentment.

If you have hate, anger and resentment, it’s very hard to live a happy life.  A divorced woman once said to me, “I can’t let it go. I don’t know how.” No one can tell you how to let it go, and you can’t fake it. This one is all in your heart.

10. I will start loving myself more.

If you are a good parent, and you are supporting your children, both emotionally and financially, and if you live your life trying to be a good person, what’s not to love? I never understand why people lack self love. It’s baffling. Being happy is all about having self love. PLEASE, recognize and appreciate all your wonderful qualities and stop focusing on what you lack. You don’t have to save the world. You only have to save yourself.

11. I will live in the present moment and stop focusing on the past and the future.

The past will put you in a depression. The future can only cause anxiety and fear. All that matters is how you spend each day, enjoying and appreciating it like a gift, and being with the people you love.

12. I will let God drive.

I heard this phrase years ago and never forgot it.  If you let fear paralyze you, it’s not only exhausting, but you can’t enjoy your life. Remember how little control we have over our lives. Remember that we can only control what we do and how we act. We can’t control what is going to happen to us. So, let God control that, and have faith that He will take care of you. In other words, stop being afraid and just live.

 

Happy New Year, and best wishes for a truly happy 2022

Like this article? Check out, “9 Signs of a Healthy Romantic Relationship”

 

Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph

 

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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

4 Responses to “Divorce and The New Year: 12 Resolutions”

  1. Angela

    I love this list, however, I would not want to be told to “just get over it” or to stop analyzing. Thinking people try to figure out what went wrong. In my case, my ex most likely has a personality disorder, so it is important for me to stay on top of that since we have kids together, to do my therapy, and to move through the process. Moving through the process doesn’t mean you are stuck…we need to support each other to grieve and heal.

    Reply
  2. Natalia

    Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood is the perfect song to help let go of certain things. Even if you are an atheist or agnostic you can appreciate the message to let go of the things you cannot control in life and begin living in the moment with the people you love and care for.

    Reply
  3. Cat

    I just found your great blog. The last resolution – let God drive – is just what I needed to hear. Thank you.

    Reply

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