How to Make Divorce Easier: Take the High Road!

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

As we all know, dealing with an ex is no piece of cake. Things are constantly changing in both yours and your ex’s life, and issues come up. Maybe a new job, maybe something going on with your kids, a new romance in either yours or his life. Because of all these things, combined with the resentment that let’s be honest, will most likely always be there between the two of you, (sadly enough,), dealing with your ex can sometimes get really frustrating. Correct me if I’m wrong. There are times when all you want to do is scream and yell, engage in bitter name calling or use a certain finger to show your ex how you really feel. But, want to know how to make divorce easier? Here are some helpful suggestions, and they all involve taking the high road.

The high road is the quickest route to healing. Here are 10 high road moves guaranteed to make your journey of divorce recovery easier, and get you to your destination that includes self-love, the life you want, and true happiness.

  • Switch visitation nights if your ex needs to. Don’t give him or her a hard time about it.
  • Say a friendly hello in the driveway when he or she comes to get the kids. Maybe even ask about his or her job.Everyone likes to feel like someone cares.
  • Introduce yourself to his girlfriend (or her boyfriend), by walking up and shaking his or her hand with a smile.
  • Tell your children the good qualities of your ex from time to time. That’s like telling them the good qualities of themselves!
  • If someone tells you they saw your ex out on a date, do not roll your eyes. Instead, smile and say, “That’s nice” and mean it! That’s like saying “I don’t care. I’ve moved on.”
  • If someone says something negative about your ex (for your benefit) brush it off. Don’t turn it into an opportunity to have a hate session. That’s just bad karma, and you could be talking about something really fun or interesting instead.
  • Give him or her a cake on his/her birthday to enjoy with your kids.If you just gasped, please pick your jaw up off the ground. Maybe you still feel he or she ruined your life, but think of your kids, and just do a nice, simple thing. Nothing bad will happen if you do something nice. In fact, good things will come to you as a result of kind gestures.
  • If you do something that is wrong, have the guts to say “I’m sorry.”
  • If you get some bad news from your attorney regarding something his attorney filed, cry by yourself, kick and scream by yourself, but do not utter a word about it to your ex.Nothing good can come of it. It will result in a fight, which is bad for your kids
  • If your ex starts dating your friend, say NOTHING to either one. Grit your teeth. Trust me, it will end.
  • If your kids tell you about some expensive trip or item that your ex just bought, do not say anything negative. If you do, it will ruin it for your kids.
  • The first time you see a ring on your ex’s girlfriend’s finger, try not to gasp. Rather, smile and for lack of better words, suck it up. Congratulate your ex and think to yourself, ‘This has no bearing on us and why we got divorced.’ – in most cases. There are exceptions.
  • If your ex gets a new job, wish him or her luck and mean it! It’s good for you and your kids, too.
  • If your ex does something really petty, like give you a check that is $20 lower than what he owes, either take a deep breath and ignore it, or say something, but in a nice way. If he continues to do it, try a constructive, polite email documenting all the instances.
  • If he or she says something really mean to you, don’t fight back, especially if it’s irrational. Leave it alone. That’s not only taking the high road, but it will make him or her even more furious that you didn’t react.

I know these can be difficult, but if you think about it, every one of these things will benefit you in the long run. Being angry or bitter or fighting back is not only unproductive, but it’s a waste of energy. Believe in karma, and believe in the fact that being kind and polite is NEVER the wrong thing. Even if it’s not reciprocated, no one ever regretted being nice to someone. Let your ex be the one with the bitterness, and hostility. As far as your concerned, the road you are taking is full of good vibes, positive energy and fulfilled dreams.
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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

3 Responses to “How to Make Divorce Easier: Take the High Road!”

  1. MikeS

    Very timely article. My ex and I are about to go to Mediaiton for the second time regarding me getting more time with my son. Court if Mediation doesn’t work. Just got the PRE evaluation and she said horrible things about me when I was her husband and horrible things about my parenting as well. Most of it is blatant lies, but it is extremely hurtful.

    Glad my son is only 2.5 years old and probably doesn’t realize what is going on other than Mommy and Daddy are tense on exchanges. Not sure where all this is going to lead, but I wish she would let go of her anger or whatever. I am just trying to keep my mouth shut lately. Not sure if I will ever be able to forgive for the lies and trying to take my son from me…

    • Jackie Pilossoph

      I’m really sorry you are going through that. It’s very hard, I”m sure. I wish people would think of their kids more, instead of not being able to see past their anger. Best of luck to you.


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