The Bachelor: I’ve Got Issues

By Jackie Pilossoph, Founder, Divorced Girl Smiling, the place to find trusted, vetted divorce professionals, a podcast, website and mobile app.

If you happened to see last week’s episode of The Bachelor, read my Love Essentially column below, published yesterday in Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press editions. See if you agree with my issues!


Is It Possible To Love Two People At Once?  by Jackie Pilossoph

Is it really possible to be in love with two people at the same time? That’s the question I think millions of men and women are wondering after watching Monday night’s episode of “The Bachelor.”

In case you missed it, bachelor Ben Higgins said “I love you” to two of his three finalists – JoJo and Lauren, who both said it first, by the way.

I don’t think Ben is a bad guy and I really don’t think he is trying to hurt these women, but I have issues with him dropping the L word to two women in the same week. If I got stuck in an elevator with Ben tomorrow, I would ask him, “What were you thinking?”

Did Ben not realize that whichever girl he ended up with would be watching him tell the other one “I love you” on national TV? Maybe he was thinking his future wife would get over it. Maybe he’s doing it for the cameras, although my gut says that’s not the case. Or, what I’d like to believe is, Ben really does think he loves both of these girls, which is sweet and all, but in my opinion impossible. Here’s why:

He’s 27 years old. He’s a baby!

He’s gotten to know these girls on desert island vacations with a drink in his hand 90 percent of the time. In other words, he hasn’t had the chance to get to know these women on any real level because the elements of their normal lives, which include real problems, have not been present.

While I’m completely speculating, Ben is probably given guidelines by show producers, and is most likely expected to seemingly fall for some of the women. Think about it. In 20 seasons, have you ever seen a bachelor or bachelorette say, “You know what? There really isn’t anyone here with whom I truly feel a deep connection. It’s been fun, but I’m not falling for any of the contestants.” In the history of “The Bachelor” and “Bachelorette,” I’m pretty sure that’s never happened. Coincidence? Or are producers putting magic love potion in the hot tub?



In my heart, I truly think it is impossible for a person to fall in love with two people at the same time. But, I think it is very possible to start dating a bunch of people and then fall for two of them at the same time, meaning you really like them both, are extremely attracted to both, and possibly see a future with both. I have heard many stories like that, and in time, the obvious choice presents itself or the person ends up with neither. But falling in love with two people? No way.

When a person is truly in love, they cannot think about anyone else the same way. Being in love feels like you have been waiting your whole life for this person and he or she is finally here – not two people are finally here. Being in love means you don’t want anyone else on earth but this person – not anyone else but these two people.

I’m not going to say Ben’s relationships don’t have the potential for love. They might. But the couples need more time, and they need to date while living their lives, going to their jobs and handling daily responsibilities, stress and pressure.


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I can’t resist addressing the fantasy suite, which makes me cringe because I have a hard time accepting that all three of the finalists were willing to spend the night with Ben, knowing that their relationship wasn’t exclusive.

I don’t want to assume they all had sex with Ben because that might not be the case. After all, the fantasy suite was sweet – with a stocked bar, a pool, hot tub, desserts and appetizers. I’d go there with anyone! But if any of the girls did sleep with Ben, it will undoubtedly hurt even worse if they don’t get the final rose. And even for the girl who does end up with Ben, finding out he spent the night with the other two could be disappointing, confusing and might cause some resentment.

But despite all my issues with “The Bachelor…(click here to read the rest of the article, published yesterday in Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press editions.)

Like this article? Check out my blog post and video: “How do you know when you’re in love?

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    Jackie Pilossoph

    Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

    Jackie Pilossoph is the Founder of Divorced Girl Smiling, the media company that connects people facing with divorce to trusted, vetted divorce professionals. Pilossoph is a former NBC affiliate television journalist and Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press features reporter. Her syndicated column, Love Essentially was published in the Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press and Tribune owned publications for 7 1/2 years. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University. Learn more at:

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