Dating someone new is the best! It’s a blissful, fairytale-like time that is meant to be enjoyed. So, just to make it that much better, here are 8 pieces of advice for those in a new relationship.
8 Things To Know If You’re In A New Relationship by Jackie Pilossoph for Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press
On a recent Saturday night, three couples had dinner together at a restaurant in Glenview. One couple has been happily married for 16 years. The second couple was my boyfriend and myself. We have been together for over a year. The third couple is the topic of this column. They have been dating for nine weeks, and yes, they are still counting it in weeks.
Gazing into each other’s eyes and giggling as they told us all how they met, I found myself soaking up the warmth of my friends’ fairy tale, and enjoying it like a romantic comedy movie or a good Jennifer Weiner novel.
We’ve all been where my nine-week friends have been. After months and months (sometimes years and years) of dating weirdos and creeps and men or women who broke your heart or let you down or disappointed you or made you feel hopeless that you would ever find romantic happiness again, you meet someone and something magical happens – a powerful connection that takes on a life of its own and takes the two of you on a whirlwind of romance.
You see each other every possible chance you get, you talk on the phone for hours when you’re not together, you send cute texts to each other every half hour, you gush to your friends about him or her until they are nauseous, and if there’s a holiday with gift-giving involved, look out. It’s a major production.
The sight of him or her makes your heart pound. The two of you can’t do enough for each other. The chemistry you feel is indescribable, and frighteningly perfect.Things can’t get any better. Your new guy or girl can do nothing wrong. You are seriously pinching yourself because you can’t believe how lucky you just got and you’re afraid it might all be a dream.
But all that said, one tiny little bit of the older and wiser you is waiting for the shoe to drop. Only a tiny bit, though. It would take a lot to change the hue of those rose-colored glasses you’re currently wearing. But the reality is, the newness will wear off. That isn’t a bad thing. In fact, the relationship could turn deeply meaningful, loving, committed and blissfully long-term, which could last the rest of your life. Or, it could crash and burn next week and you could end up saying to yourself, “What the heck was I thinking?”
Whichever way the relationship goes, it can’t stay where it is today. Romantic relationships are ever changing, which is both good and scary. A relationship changes because with time we continue to get to know more and more about our partner, and it can change our opinion of that person, positively or negatively in different degrees. Even after decades together, couples still find there are things they never knew about each other. Add to the mix outside factors that can affect the relationship, i.e. stuff happens. It is during the most difficult times that we find out a lot about what we have (or don’t have) in our partner.
New relationships are exhilarating. Everything is fresh. It’s untainted and pure and easy and it just feels so darn good. For those who are divorced or widowed or who haven’t dated or been in a relationship in a long time, a new relationship is often delightfully unexpected. Why? Perhaps because the bar has been set so low due to the hurt the person has faced in the past. So when love hits, it’s kind of shocking.
Whatever ends up happening in the new relationship – whether it ends in happily ever after or it blows up after two weeks or it turns out to be something in between, just knowing you still have the capability to feel sexy and attractive, and to give and receive love and affection is a huge gift, which should be cherished and appreciated, and never, ever regretted.
8 tips for new couples:
1. If you are worried the shoe is going to drop, don’t. Just enjoy now. You deserve it.
3. It’s OK to show vulnerability. It actually makes the relationship better.
4. Remember that you deserve all this nauseating happiness, especially if you’ve been through hurt and heartbreak.
5. Don’t ignore red flags.
6. If you stay together for a long time, try to always treat each other the way you are treating each other now.
7. Have protected sex until you both get tested for all STDs.
Like this article? Check out my piece, “The Perfect Kiss: Which One Defines Yours?”