Do you or your spouse ever think or say to a friend, “We never have sex anymore?” If so, you definitely need to read my Love Essentially column, published today in Chicago Tribune Media Group publications!
Let’s Talk About Sex…Or Lack Of It by Jackie Pilossoph
It is impossible to make a blanket statement (no pun intended) about married couples and sex. No two couples have the same sex life, and the spectrum of what goes on in a couple’s bedroom can range from snoring and boring, to wild and crazy passion every night.
But with work, kids, chores, and the pure exhaustion life can cause, finding time and interest in sex, especially for women can be challenging.
So, I reached out to Northbrook based therapist, Dr. Sarah Allen, Psy.D. to ask for some tips to help couples who might want to improve their sex lives.
Allen told me that when couples come to see her, it is almost always the case that they haven’t had good sex in a long time, often because other issues in the relationship, such as anger and resentment prevent physical desire.
But let’s say things are pretty peachy around your house with the exception of what’s happening under the covers. Here are Allen’s five tips that might help spice things up:
1). For women: make time to de-stress and unwind. Women need time to get into the sex frame of mind. “Men and women are very different in that women need an emotional connection to get interested in sex, whereas men are more visual,” said Allen, who is also a licensed clinical professional counselor. “Women are constantly doing doing doing, especially during this time of year, and they aren’t thinking about sex.”
2). Plan dates that are exciting and outside your comfort zone. “Feelings of being scared are similar to feelings of excitement,” said Allen. In other words, instead of dinner and a movie, try rock climbing or parasailing, something you wouldn’t normally do with your partner. The charge and the high you get might carry over into the bedroom.
3). Do things together that bring you back to being the people you were when you first met. Before you were married, before you had kids, and during the times you were first getting to know each other, you probably did things together that you don’t have time for anymore. Maybe you had picnics, maybe you listened to music together, or maybe you went to art galleries or museums. Doing those things might bring back memories and ignite a spark. Click here to read the rest of the tips in my Love Essentially column, published today in Chicago Tribune Media Group publications! Dr. Allen gives more tips, but so do I!