Want To Meet Single Men? Here’s A BIG Tip!

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

“How do I meet single men?” is probably the question I get asked most by my readers. I’m not sure I have the answer, but I can offer a big tip I think will drastically increase the chances of getting more dates: PUT YOUR CELL PHONE AWAY! Let me explain.


Yesterday I was grocery shopping. As I perused each shelf, looking for healthy meal ideas, snacks, and things I thought my kids would like, a woman banged right into my cart. I turned around and saw that she was texting. She apologized, moved on and continued texting.


The incident made me want to be aware of what other shoppers were doing, so I started to observe. I am not kidding when I say that almost EVERY SINGLE person was on his or her cell phone. One woman was trying to grocery shop while carrying her crying toddler and texting. Another woman was standing in front of the lettuce section laughing and texting for a long time. A man was texting at the deli counter while the guy from the store was standing their waiting for him to decide between turkey off the bone and chicken off the bone. I couldn’t understand why all these people couldn’t put their phones away and spend 20 minutes quietly shopping.




About 6 months ago, I started leaving my cell phone in my car while at the grocery store. The benefit: I can really focus on getting the right foods, learning about new foods, reading labels, and putting recipes in my head and shopping for them right there.


But since you probably don’t care about me or my shopping habits let me tell you why else it would benefit me (or anyone) to put their freaking cell phone away while grocery shopping. Listen up. The grocery store is A GREAT PLACE TO MEET SINGLE MEN. But, if you are constantly on your phone, you have no chance. Here are three reasons I feel that way:

  • It’s a turnoff to the men.
  • Your pretty face is down so he can’t see it.
  • You’re so completely distracted, you won’t notice (or even see) him.


As time passes and technology and social media continue to get more and more prevalent, I find myself ironically wanting to disconnect more than ever. And, I’m not even trying to meet single men!


I find myself becoming exhausted by social media and texting, and majorly turned off by dating apps like Tinder, where people basically look at a picture to see if they want to have sex with the person. If they do, they swipe right (or left, I’m not sure.) If they don’t swipe you, you have been rejected solely on a ¾ inch photo of yourself.


What happened to people meeting on the street, at parties, on blind dates, where there was so much more open-mindedness because we were getting introduced to the person’s personality at the same time as the picture?



Meeting single men has never been easy and it isn’t easy today. But here some specific cell phone behavior tips that I think will help increase your chances of getting asked out more:


  • Leave cell phone in car when grocery shopping. Grocery stores are a major venue for meeting single men.
  • When out for lunch, dinner or cocktails with girlfriends, the cell phone must be in your purse for the entire evening. You’re there to spend time, have fun, and laugh with your friends, not to mention, you might want to talk to some men. That will not happen if all of you have your face in your cell phones. It is a complete turnoff seeing someone at a bar or restaurant constantly on their phone.
  • Belong to a gym? Cell phone in locker please.
  • Going for a walk? Cell phone in pocket please.
  • Stop feeling like you have to respond to texts a minute after they are sent. People should not expect it, but rather they will respect that you have a life. You might get some resistance at the beginning (“Why did it take you so long to respond?”) but the people will get used to the new “disconnected” you. They don’t have a choice. This is your life.


Just remember that almost everything can wait. Any text, any email, any instagram or facebook notification. The exception: kids. I get it. If you need to be on standby and have your phone out because your kids might want to contact you or they are with a babysitter, that is understandable.


In closing, the more and more I disconnect, the more I love it. Disconnecting is kind of addicting. It feels so great just to talk to people face-to-face, to feel like it did 8 years ago before the massive iPhone era.


Being disconnected feels very mentally healthy. It feels cleansing. It feels free. And I believe that state of mind sets you up to meet single men because you’re more relaxed, your mind is less busy and cluttered and you’re just breathing deep and looking at the beauty of the world and the people walking around, versus staring down at your iPhone screen and typing.

Like this blog post? Check out “8 Ways To Meet Single People In the Suburbs and None are Bars.”



Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph



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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

2 Responses to “Want To Meet Single Men? Here’s A BIG Tip!”

  1. C

    Good luck, I often notice the single women at the store, you can tell when they are shopping for one, cooking is apparently becoming a lost trade. I feel bad for people, my biggest weakness, wasted many years of my life this way — being the fixer, finally figured out I was one of those HSP’s, hoped for, wished for, and loved in Asian cultures, despised in American cultures. I grab my stuff and hit the street again, I never waste any time in the store, but I will engage in small talk with someone who is buying smart foods. I was never the assertive one, when I stood up for myself as a child they beat me down 🙂 I stopped the smart phone too, was on tinder for months and realized it’s all just a game to them, all of them, a game my open heart couldn’t figure out. Now I just put it in airport mode. Time for me. I’m old enough to enjoy being alone and give up on love and companionship, I gave it my best. “Just keep coming home to yourself, you are the one you have been waiting for” Byron Katie

  2. Sensei

    Amen – you want to meet people? Or even just create the opportunity to engage with the rest of humanity around you? Get your head up and out of your phone. Even / especially if you’re hanging around someplace actively hoping to be approached by someone else. The first step is eye contact – but that’s impossible if your eyes are never looking anywhere but down.


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