The Vindictive Ex: When Hate Comes Before Children

vindictive ex

By Jackie Pilossoph, Founder, Divorced Girl Smiling, the place to find trusted, vetted divorce professionals, a podcast, website and mobile app.

Most divorced couples have issues with each other. That’s just the way it is. Getting divorced comes with a lot of pent up resentment that built during the marriage, and that happened during and after the divorce. Hopefully, negative feelings between spouse’s fade over time, and both move on and possibly even become friends. But, that’s not the case with some people. Some people just can’t let things go. They harbor anger and a burning desire for revenge, and they act on it. I am referring to the vindictive ex.  Let me explain.

The vindictive ex, who feels wronged and whose life completely focuses around hurting their former spouse, takes resentment and anger to another level: a level that is lower than the lowest of the low, a level that causes them to exhibit some of the most despicable, disgusting behavior imaginable. In other words, they become vindictive in their behavior.


Like most other divorced people, the vindictive ex has resentment, anger and bitterness. But the difference between he or she and a normal person is, the vindictive ex has a burning desire to punish or harm their ex. In other words, they want revenge and they will stop at nothing to destroy their former spouse to “get even.”


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Here are some real life examples of a vindictive ex.


1. A woman told me her ex-husband put anti-fungal cream on her toothbrush. (they were separated but still living in the same house.)

2. Another woman told me her ex-husband loosened her brakes so that they would fail.

The brakes did fail. Their children were in the car with her when it happened. Fortunately, they did not get into an accident and no one was hurt.

3. A man’s vindictive ex-wife brainwashed the children into thinking their father was a sexual abuser.

She fabricated stories to therapists and pressed charges. She even told the kids to lie and say he molested them.


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4. A woman’s ex husband stole her car.

5. A woman told her children “Your father doesn’t want me or you guys anymore. He has moved on.”

6. A guy told his daughter, “Your mom said you are a fat pig and you need to go on Weight Watchers.”

7. A man told his son he wasn’t paying for his cell phone any more because Mom took him to court and took all his money.

(The man has a very high net worth, by the way.) He ended up calling the cell company and discontinuing service.

The vindictive ex is a planner. A manipulator. A liar.

He or she spends time scheming and concocting a strategy to destroy their ex because that is the only way they know how to deal with their hurt, hate and anger.


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Here are some possible outcomes of the vindictive ex:

1. They ruin an innocent person’s life, by either injuring that person or causing legal or financial issues for him or her.

By the way, when I say innocent, I’m not saying the person was an angel in the marriage or in the divorce. He or she could have been a real jerk and done unspeakably awful things. However, does that mean that the person deserves to have lies made up about them? Or that they deserve to die in a car accident?

2. They ruin their children’s lives.

Children pay the ultimate price of the vindictive ex. Being vindictive splits the couple so far apart, to the point where there is no turning back to being civil, let alone friends. And we all know that kids thrive when parents can get along during and after divorce.We also know that it hurts kids deeply to see their parents at odds, not speaking, yelling at each other, and doing mean things to each other.


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So, if mom is telling them that dad is a sex offender, they are most likely going to be confused by it, and become afraid of their parent, when in reality, what they need most during and after a divorce is to feel intense love and attention from both parents. So, the vindictive ex is taking a parent away from their children. In other words, they are destroying their children’s lives because their hate for the ex is overpowering; stronger than the love for their kids.


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This falls under the category of parental alienation, when one parent tries to turn the kids against the other parent because of personal hatred. It happens so much more than you can imagine.

3. They ruin themselves.

I have to believe a vindictive ex will at some point feel intense guilt by the cruel, destructive behavior or the lies they told–either consciously or subconsciously. Or, they will just have self-hatred, which never leads to anything good for their future. The vindictive ex is never able to move past the divorce and so they never get to have an authentic life, enjoy life and new people, find healthy relationships, or feel good about themselves.


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What I want to say to the vindictive ex is:

Shame on you. You disgust me. You are very sick and you need help. Badly.


To the parent who is the victim of lies or who fears for their life from the vindictive ex, I want to say a few things. First of all, don’t be afraid to file a restraining order if you feel unsafe. This is not overly dramatic or unnecessary. This is your life. And if God forbid something happens to you, a court of law has a very big first step in convicting your ex.

Secondly, if you think about it, anyone can makeup lies about anyone, hire an attorney and try to sue you or take your children away from you. That person can call the police and say, “My ex wife is physically abusing our son.” Or “My ex husband sexually molested my daughter.”


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It’s very scary that it can come down to his or her word against yours, and it can cost tens of thousands (maybe hundreds of thousands) to defend yourself in a court of law. So, if you are in a position where someone is making up lies about you, definitely consult with an attorney. Start with your divorce attorney and see what he or she says.


Lastly, just remember that God is our final judge, so don’t turn around and become vindictive also. You are too good for that. The vindictive ex will get what he or she deserves, not by you, but by karma and other life happenings that you can’t or won’t control. Just be you, be the best parent you can be, and keep moving forward with YOUR life.


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Let your vindictive ex wallow in his or her lies and deceit. Trust me, the vindictive ex hates him or herself a lot more than he or she hates you. Keep being the good person you are, the caring, loving parent you are, and keep enjoying what you can control in your life. It is impossible for the vindictive ex to experience any of this. In other words, don’t hate the vindictive ex, pity the vindictive ex.

Like this post? Check out: “My Ex Hates Me: 8 Reasons He Might be Mean and Angry Towards You”

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    Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

    Jackie Pilossoph is the Founder of Divorced Girl Smiling, the media company that connects people facing with divorce to trusted, vetted divorce professionals. Pilossoph is a former NBC affiliate television journalist and Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press features reporter. Her syndicated column, Love Essentially was published in the Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press and Tribune owned publications for 7 1/2 years. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University. Learn more at:

    60 Responses to “The Vindictive Ex: When Hate Comes Before Children”

    1. Bev Walton

      DISGUSTING as so aptly put in your article. Sadly the very comments my two stunning step-children are being told by their mother: your father has abandoned us, been disloyal to us, betrayed us, he is no longer part of our family. Sick comments especially if a good, honest man has not been part of an extra-marital affair. When he moves on and remarries, then the new wife becomes “the other woman”. I am married to the most awesome man. We met almost a year after his divorce. Once the ex found out about the new partner, she began to hate her ex – the father of her children with whom she had shared a healthy co-parenting relationship. Enter the new wife. The ex’s hatred and jealousy of me spilled over into a venemous hatred towards her ex-husband and has become stronger than the love for her children. Her hatred has been openly and vocally been displayed for the children to see. She didnt want the children to meet me. I was not allowed to be in the car when my husband collected the children for his weekend visits, etc, etc, etc. Worst part is that young innocent impressionable young children see this, hear this, eat this, breathe this. Until they start to believe it. I see my husband’s children distancing themselves from him. The ex-wife has “won”, but at what cost?

      • Jae

        I can relate to your words beyond belief. I have never encountered anyone so deluded and bursting with hatred. It is truly tragic when someone hates more than they love

      • B

        I too am going through something similar. I’ve kept my ex-wife and my 3 daughters in the house, while I found a basement apartment to live in. The cost of paying down all the debt and trying to live has proven to be too difficult. Now I’ve brought the issue to the ex-wife, who has in turn turned the girls against me. Stating that your father is kicking us out of the house and he doesn’t care about us anymore. All the while, having her boyfriend spend weekends in the house I bought and worked so hard for. Also having him around my daughters, who won’t speak to me or have anything to do with me. I’m at a point where I have nothing left to lose and I can finally start moving forward with my life, with or without my beautiful daughters. It’s heart breaking to have them all hate me so much when I’ve done nothing wrong to them… if anything, I’ve made life easier for them for as long as I could. Now the courts will need to get involved, as the ex-wife wont’ participate in anything going towards the divorce.

        • Jackie Pilossoph

          I understand you more than you think. I will pray for you and your daughters. Shame on your ex. She disgusts me.

          • robbie

            my ex lied to police and courts and stole my mail forged my name just to get started, only thing these type of people fear is the fear of others finding out there frauds. i collected video and audio of her behavior and constant attacks until i had enough. took to my lawyer and they will decide what and how this should be delt with. i hurt for my 11 yr old daughter. this has been going on since she was 2 and first thing my ex did was grab the baby and act like i was trying to hurt her and my child. your right it is sick and these people need therapy and help not drugs and prescriptions. ill pray for you. never sink to there level. cant let those who are of the world shape you.

        • JayD

          I have been going through these things with a vindictive ex wife. She has spread rumors and lies about my character, my mental health, my parenting, my professional abilities, and shared private distorted medical details verbally, in court and a great deal over social media. She’s been doing it for over five years, largely unbeknownst to me until recently discovering just how deep and wide she has damaged my reputation professionally, with friends, family and in our community. She was the three yr serial cheater, she filed for divorce, she hasn’t worked for 16 yrs (kids 16 ,10,9). She got 85% of our wealth, has been getting $11,000 a month in support (9000 spousal)…and has motions with the court for contempt, as I no longer can meet that level of payment. She played a significant role in destroying my career, and the job that enabled that money, and I’ve used all retirement, investments, savings, and then credit and borrowings to keep paying until I couldn’t. She is now working to use the courts to enforce anyway, resulting in further destroyed credit, lost job opportunities (passport taken by child support), drivers license revoked. She just got back from the Caribbean for a ten day trip with her wealthy boyfriend. Yes I’ve tried to change support to no avail. I had lawyers, I can no longer afford. I am being evicted from my small apartment for non payment of rent. She lives in our former home worth over $500K. I have nothing left, and she wants more. She has said outright her goal is to make my life a living hell. She has. And I’m not really feeling like being positive and focusing on a future I don’t have. Jail? Poverty? Homeless? Sounds great,

          • Jennifer Talbot

            I feel you, all of that, on a lower scale financially, but not discounting that she didn’t work, as it is quite shocking that she was able to afford an attprney without your funds, and most women that i know that have been alienated were stay at home moms who had no money of their own and their ex was able to bribe the children, in a sense, due to that fact, and lay false claims of abuse, and voila, erased mom, sleeping on friends couch, working 3 jobs to afford the level of child support at minimum wage, which makes no sense to me if she never had an income. But my ex originally did not want our daughters, he had no clue how to care for them and his pregnant mistress was just a kid herself. I made our way, built a life for us and 8 years later, wham! Out of nowhere. I mean he and his wife always tormented me, but i thought our girls saw that, I never thought that their visitations with dad had turned into hate-on-mom marathons, with their dads wife drinking alcohol with them and creating an inappropriate relationship that was like a peer, but with the ability to permit her to do the immature things to venge oneself against mean mommy who just doesnt want you to have any fun. I don’t know, even as a child ,I think I would choose the love of my parents over the desire to not receive discipline as a teen. I am eternally greatful for my parents’ sticktoitiveness, and am completely aware of how blessed (and sheltered I was), but this makes me everso more painfully aware of what was taken from my kids, and the false reality he fed them just to win their loyalties, and make good on this threat to avoid child support. Why us it so many people can not understand what it means to love yout child. Now if they ever come around it will have to be under the terms of realizing how wrong it was for their dad to destroy me in court and even get THEM to enjoy watching me fall apart. Even with their claims that it was for them, it was not to destroy me, they know they lied and see it as ok if it is to get what they want, but normal human beings would stop their children and say, “hell no you cant do that to your mom, you better obey her and have some respect.” Healthy happy people do not sue family of any kind in court or do anything that they see could really hurt anyone, but look what our children will now see as an acceptable part of life, a way to punish your ex for the years he paid child support at his own innitiation accidently but he determined when he didn’t feel like it a year prior to taking them, and i never kept him from them, at times i paid him money to feed them, to keep the kids from having him cancel. He has not let me see them in almost 6 years. We were doing fine, I was supporting them and my youngest without his help and never turned him in, and he had to get government assistance because obviously if someone can’t afford to pay child support, they can’t afford to keep them either. This just feels like death. How anyone could not see how easy it is for a vindictive parent to not care about their chid at all and use their teenaged angst to their advantage is the perfect example of what our courts promote to stir up litigation after years and settling in, and thinking you are finally going somewhere. Then you find out that our Constitution is a fairy tale.

          • sandy

            JayD put your faith in God. Read the 23rd psalm…and other psalms. Speak to a spiritual advisor. Do not dwell on her negativity and lifestyle because Karma will come back. But keep your hands and heart clean, been through similar. Just try raising yourself up. Also if you can get a legal aid get one free. She is bitter.God will vindicate you my brother, and remember Job. You will get back 7 times your loss. Dont lose faith.

        • Treena

          I feel for you…my ex fiancé has turned my daughter and son against me. you don’t know a person until the bad comes out of them. I can’t believe she has her boyfriend over at your house. don’t let go of your daughter’s, one day they will grow and realize who caused the damage. I’m hoping soon for both of us😉

    2. Brian

      This article is correct about vindictive ex’s. I have a couple of ex girlfriends. It’s always the sweet ones that set traps, talk about past sex life and then lie about their ex’s. I have ex’s who think all off limit converastions are to be discussed on Facebook. Some of my ex’s don’t know what the word 20 year separation means. I left two of my ex’s for good reasons. When I did. They did passive aggresive stunts like talking dirty to me, calling me good looking, a good kisser, wonderful. Then when they set their trap. They don’t allow healthy dialogue between me and them. There were fights that we had back then that just grew worse over the years. But my ex’s were easy in bed. They were whores. They slept around with too many guys. They have all the classic pcyho sociopath traits. Their nuts. They don’t allow me to grow as a man, and a human being. The last 20 years has been much better without them. That’s how I am gong to keep it. My ex’s use dysfunctional patterns to use me when their new person isn’t getting along with them. Add women give them selves permission to do anything they want. You have a recipe for disaster with ex’s. Ugh. My ex’s are hell. I want them the hell out of my life.

      • Truthspeaker

        I feel terrible for all the people on here with the crazy ex’s, I really do. The father of my children will still find any way he can to make a big production out of things and ruin any minute of my time he gets the chance to. You, however, don’t mention children here…you’re here badmouthing ex’s from 20 years ago that from what I can tell don’t need to be any part of your life any longer. Is there a reason you can’t cut off all communication and move on? Or is it more fun to continue bashing them and dragging THEIR names through the dirt and slut-shami g them in the name of revenge? It’s pretty transparent that YOU are the person this article is about, and it gave your ego just enough of a hit to force you to defend your actions. I’d bet money your ex’s don’t even give you a second thought except for the times they get a phone call or text…”so and so was at this party and hes still going on about how you screwed things up when you guys were 19. Man, it’s pathetic. He’s gonna be hung up on you til the day you die.”…you lose.

    3. Rebecca

      My boyfriends ex has made life simply miserable, for the children, for us and ultimately for herself as well. We have been lied to, lied about kept out of the loop at every turn. She has the children keeping secrets and lying to us all the time. his 10 year old daughter believes that lying is a skill you use to get what you want, because “that’s what mom does”. Im at a complete loss. one of his children refused to see or speak to us for over 6 months because we caught her In lie her mother had her tell us. Most recently, the other child told counsellors and teachers she is afraid of us and we lock her in her room. Her hope was that she wouldn’t have to see us anymore because she was told we forgot about her Christmas concert (that we attended an participated in). We’ve been fighting this battle for 3 years now, and the few incidents I’ve mentioned aren’t even the tip of the iceberg. There are so many more. She has even told the kids that their dad cheated and fathered another child, both are untrue. She has had the children keep secret any events in their social activities in attempt to keep us from attending. The list goes on and on. I’m exhausted and at a complete loss and we have 8 more years before both children are adults… What is the solution?? If we continue to fight, the kids continue to be essentially tortured, if we walk away(which we DO NOT want) the kids think all they’ve been told about us is true. They lose in all scenarios but one, the BS needs to stop.

    4. V


      I left a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage two years ago. Our divorce was finalized in January. Since the divorce, I have been constantly in and out of court defending myself. Three protective orders that have all been dropped, two charges of telephone harassment for trying to call my ex to make arrangements for custody exchange, and now an assault and battery charge because I was rough housing with my three boys and one of them got a bruise. I am at the end of my rope. I have contemplated suicide numerous times. I cry myself to sleep daily. My boys are my life. I am not telling you this because I want sympathy. I am not telling you this because I want help. I am hoping that someone going through a divorce reads this and thinks about what they are doing before the damage is done. Thank you for writing this article. I wish my ex would read it and understand that it’s not worth it.

      • Truthspeaker

        I feel terrible for you. I hope things work out. I like to think that in the end, these monsters will be exposed for their true selves and the kids will realize that they weren’t loved by the vindictive parent, only used to victimize the other. I’m the unfortunate result of 2 vindictive parents, and in my adult life I ended any relationship with both. Neither of them seemed to mind.

    5. Morgan

      My ex emailed my three oldest kids a “Fact” letter and printed it out for our 15 year old to read. He listed MY sins—and threatened them all not to betray him by telling me about this email. Well, I saw it and it was vindictive, demeaning, vile and so completely inappropriate to involve our children. He claims it as “truth” and “fact” and it was absolute slander. It’s caused all 4 of my children to look at me differently and he managed to poison my oldests mind and she hasn’t spoken to me in 2 1/2 years and is pregnant with her first child. He used our kids as pawns during the divorce process and played the victim. Lost many friends because of the smear campaign and sheer disregard for our children’s hearts and minds because of his hate for me. It’s very difficult to sit back and watch him reap what he sows….but HE is a sick individual for doing that.

      • Sadmom

        that IS sick. And I understand. My ex Lied about everything, like everything he has ever said to our kids, and stuff they should have known was lies because they were THERE. Told my oldest I was abusive to explain her mental health issues, when the only abuse was the way he separated her from her entire maternal family, because that effects kids so much more than they are willing to admit. I guess I thought it would all magically begin to heal when they started contact again, but they are so morally and otherwise screwed up now, it is literally impossible to have healthy relationships with them. I would have ANY kind of relationship, just to be in their lives, but they are now so good at this ignoring mom for years thing without a second thought, that I am the first to get thrown under the bus, the first to go, and the longer they stay away, the harder it gets because they feel like they will have to apologize. Will they? No. But should they, absolutley unequivocally yes. my youngest is the only one speaking to me but she lives 25 minutes away and could not care less about seeing me or letting me see my granddaughter, she has gone to see everyone with that baby BUT me. It makes me want to give up. I just want my life back. raised in a world where we assumed everything would go smoothly if we followed the rules, only to find out that our government could care less about our kids or protecting them from vindictive parents. I do not have enough years in my life to undo the moral lack of integrity and virtues my adult children now have. And as little as I had to do with it, it makes me feel like a total failure in life because they were all I had as goals. They were going to be my best friends as adults. They were my people. They were not ever going to be liars and manipulators. Now that is just a lifestyle choice for them. And no one really knows what a loss this was but me. They are destitute. He taught them to quit everything if you have a bad day. They will never know what they could have done with their lives.

    6. UV

      My ex has decided to destroy me in every aspect. Load and loads of false and disgusting allegations that I can’t even imagine. She dragged me into the court where she is more protective with lies than I am with the truth. I haven’t seen my son for more than 1.5 years and the separation has caused me severe stress, badly affecting my work. I sometimes cry and curse the moment I married this woman. Several times, I made plans of my own to take revenge as well but then I told myself this is not who I am. What would be the difference between me and her if I follow the same path. Trust me fellas, it is so painful.

      • Jackie Pilossoph

        I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. You are right–there is no need to sink to the vindictive level that your ex has sunk to. I am praying for you.

        • UV

          Thanks, Jackie. I really appreciate your efforts on this. I think you’re doing a great job inpiring and motivating people. People need serious help on this issue.

      • Judy

        Oh, you need to move to NV and reopen your case. Here, dads get 50 % custody, no matter what kind of person they are. My daughter is in this situation now. Her ex could have cared less about his son during the marriage. Now as his revenge, and knowing the new law here, he is taking advantage of the situation. It is alternating weeks for them.So her son has two completely different life styles to endure. In her home, bedtime is 8 PM, dinner at the table, etc. or stability in other words. Her ex works 2:30PM until 11:PM. He picks the child up from his mother’s residence (in a motel), so then the child has interrupted sleep. He must then be at school at 8:15. The ex takes him out of school (because he can, was his words) for a day trip. He doesn’t bother to tell my daughter, who gets a call that her son was absent. She has no idea if he is ill, or what.The judge was more preoccupied with equal custody, rather than the child’s best interests. Oh, and he made “friends” with all the mothers at school, and the narcissistic snake told them how my daughter has mistreated him, etc. And now they treat my daughter like a leper. When will it end? Please Karma, act now!!!

      • Stressed and emotional

        I really feel for you UV. One can only hope that justice prevails. Narcisists will eventually slip up with the lies they tell. I totally understand what your going through. I hope that things have gotten better for you and you have finally gotten to see your son.

    7. Melissa sugar gold

      My exHusbands wife is making my life and my kids life miserable. My ex husband just died of cancer. His new wife is living in my home and won’t get out. I want to put her and her daughter out on the street where they belong. I think the new wife has taken the money that my ex left for my kids. I believe she has taken money out of their trust funds. I don’t know why she is taking these things. She has been mean to my kids and me. I Have tried to be nice and make friends with her since she was going to be part of my family. She wants nothing to with me or my children. She says horrible things about me. I am friends and have a good reputation in this town. But she is trying destroy that

      • Shannon

        You want to put someone’s child on the street? I understand you hate the ex wife but you think a child should be put on the street? That’s pretty harsh

      • resagsn

        Stop making your EX husbands wife hell! she has been thru enough with her husband dying and to kick her and her young child out on the street.; heartless. My god lady, have some compassion and let them get on their feet.
        a bad situation had happened. A wife lost her husband and children lost a father. you being vindictive at such a devastating time, says a lot about your character. MY POINT IS LEAVE THR WIFE AND HER CHILD ALONE! Worry about your children. They need you now more than ever


      Of my exes only 4 (2 wives, 2 girlfriends) have been vindictive. However, all 4 were passive aggressive, lying, cheating, manipulative, abusive, and mentally unstable.

      I’ve dated casually with varying frequency over the years, and some women were nice, but ultimately I’ve found “modern” women to be selfish, cruel, and completely stuck on themselves.

      In contrast, more old fashioned women tend to be kinder, more thoughtful, and less uppity. If you other guys want a good woman, go for old fashioned and less flashy (modern).

      Avoid women obsessed with their appearance, reputation, and other attention-seeking related BS. Drama queens make horrific partners. Look for the sweet, quiet, humble, thoughtful ladies.

      In other words…

      Think with the big head…not the little one. I learned that that hard way.

      • Weaselina

        Sounds like you are quite a catch (snirk).

        Great system for you. A few more wives and girlfriends and you should know just about all the kinds of women out there, huh?

        Here’s a tip: maybe look at yourself for a minute. You sound like you need to fix yourself and stop giving stupid advice on the internet.

    9. Michael Karamanolis

      My ex has made my child lie about apparent sexual molestation, they even opened up a case at the police department. I’m the sole provider for my family, I have already been acquitted of her first attempt at doing this, somehow she got my daughter to tell the teacher these things. I’m a christian, I work hard, I have two jobs paying for legal fees and maintenance, without me there joint income annually is what a earn in a month, and 1/5 of my income goes to my children, and maintenance. I spent almost 100 thousand rand last year getting access to my children after two years of fighting for them just sothat they can do this again to me. It makes no sense, why would i do such a horrible thing when i fought so hard to have them in my life again. I feel like giving up, I feel like quitting and running away, but my conviction stops me, my fear for God prevents this. I’m caught up in a horrible nightmare that will not end. I do not have any words I feel numb and alone. I hope that something good will turn up from this. I’m so horribly saddened, by all of this. I’ve just acquired the same forensic psychologist that examined Oscar Psotorius the athlete that shot his girl friend at an extreme cost, I’m not a wealthy man, I work as a Solutions Architect and I lecture computer science subject at the local university. You see I love helping people, and i’m such a geek, the last thought i would have is doing something to hurt someone. I hope someone will read this and come to my aid. Please pray for Gabriel and Zoe and there daddy Michael that this little family will be reunited for good again.

    10. John

      I THINK YOU SHOULD RENAME THIS ARTICLE; “When hiding behind society and children fails to work, blame your wrongs on your spouse, because he/she is the one who is angry, and therefore must be punished”.

      Very sound reasoning,…AND Convenient!

    11. Meliss Sugar gold

      I can’t get rid of my husband who is 40 years my senior. He is sick. How do I get rid of him?

      • Truthspeaker

        Aren’t you the same one who commented about taking your ex husband’s house away from his wife and child? I suppose you don’t need the 40-year-senior husband now that you can just take everything your ex husband had and leave his wife on the street. This article isn’t for you. It’s about you. What a disgusting human being you are.

    12. Ryan

      You’re wrong about one thing. They never feel guilt about it. Why are there no laws to protect against the abuse and parental alienation of an evil, manipulative, psychotic ex?

      • Jackie Pilossoph

        Believe me when I tell you I wish there was. I wish there was jail time required for men and women who do this to their ex and to their kids. It is despicable and disgusting and in my opinion, just as bad as any other major crime.

        • oandlomom

          People who do things like tamper with brakes are quite possibly sociopaths or malignant narcissists and cannot feel guilt, that’s why they are able to do those things. If someone really did that they would be charged with a felony if the evidence supported it. My vindictive ex punished me by fighting me on custody. I was considering divorce when I was pregnant with my 13 year old, back when the mom was more likely to get the kids. I had no idea there was this insane trend of 50/50 when I filed for divorce. Once my ex heard about it he made it his goal in life to get it, because he knew I was appalled when his sister agreed to it 8 years earlier. He said the old- I’d rather give it to the lawyers than you, and that is what he did. He lost almost his entire retirement account and is on a 10 year repayment plan with his 2nd law firm who charged him $75,000 for basically nothing. If he had been reasonable we’d both still be homeowners and our kids would be better off financially but he is a narcissist with a narcissistic injury who cut off his own nose to spite his face in a major way.

    13. Jay

      I am a mother and being alienated from my child by his father.
      Even though there is no signed agreement or court order, I have been paying child support. Father refuses to give me 50-50 physical custody stating that I am ruining my child’s life by forcing it. We still have 50-50 custody (shared obligations) as I have not given him the 100%.
      To make parenting time uncomfortable, I can only spend my parenting time IN his home. And he constantly phones my son during the 3 hours I am with him — on the phone that bought and am paying for my son.

      My child didn’t have a problem going to my house until his father ruined it for us.
      Every time my son and I are out, his father will call constantly and get mad if we miss a call from him. At one of my son’s visit to my house, his father phoned him and my son went to the bathroom so I couldn’t hear. Next minute, he is asking me to drive him home. My child either had to lie so he doesn’t receive the cold treatment until he just got tired of reporting to his father about what we do that he stopped going to my house or going out with me altogether.

      Last year, i have decided that my 6 years of diplomatic approach doesn’t work and it is now time to seek the court’s help. In retaliation, my ex refused all our proposals for 50% physical custody and counselling for my son. (I know why, because he is worried that my son will wake up soon enough to see his evil deeds. Only evil person will deny a child a counselling)
      He also is now asking for spousal support.
      And he also reported me to Revenue Canada. Now, CRA is clawing back every penny I received for child tax benefit.

      I did not realize that a person can be this rotten. He is so intent in making me suffer that he doesn’t realize or care that our son is the poor victim of all these. It has been 6 years since our marriage ended and yet, he still punishes me by using my son or whatever is left of my money.

      • Jackie Pilossoph

        From this letter alone, it appears that he is really desperate, insecure, resentful and vindictive. He cannot move on and is intent on making hate and revenge the cornerstone of his life. I feel so sorry for your son. I’m not really understanding how you ended up with 50/50 custody that you had to have at his house. Maybe you need a consult with another attorney. That just doesn’t make sense. No one should have to have parenting time in the ex’s home. It doesn’t add up. Sounds like you need better counsel and need to go on the offensive. Maybe you need to try for 100% custody. Unreasonable people can’t reason and be diplomatic. So, you have no choice but to fight back hard for your son. I wish you all the best.

      • Ally

        I feel for you and your child. I have a similar experience. You must be in Canada as you mentioned CRA, so am I. Ontario has the worst outcome for moms dealing with narcissists. Pretty much 50/50 is awarded without taking into consideration how awful the ex is. I know this post is a couple years old, but if you see this reply, I would be intrested to find out how you are doing and if the situation has changed. I hope things are better for you now.

    14. Ivy

      I usr have a question. I have an vindictive ex husband who has gotten custody of our son. I want so badly to see him but now I’m afraid to reach out. How can i do that without feeding the hate? I just wanna see my son…

    15. K

      I’m going through the same… my ex convinced my son at 13 that the grass is greener on the other side offered to get him a truck for his 14th Birthday if he would move in with him (in a different Province) so he would not have to pay child support any more? And told him to hide from his Mom and sent him a plane ticket (one way) so on that morning when i was leaving for work. Unaware of any thing! My son was gone! I tried everything to reach him including contacting the RCMP and they were unable to help me because he was 13. NOTHING he was gone … and NO phone calls NOTHING all I could get from the police (RCMP) Was he was on a plain and were it was going… After 3 1/2 years later I was subpoenaed to court over missed Child Support payments? I went to court thinking I would See my son… NO … just a lawyer. I ended up paying Child support payment? And still no contact with my son.
      Untill a year ago on Mother’s day… i got a text from my Son and have been in touch with him till last month?
      But… I’m unable to work any longer becase of a medical condition and on CPP Disability. I filed with the courts and received a Stay while I wait for it to go to court in my ex’s Province. My son hasn’t been living with my ex since he took me to court 1.5 years ago.
      We have been divorced for almost 10 years. So I can’t tell you when it Stops….

    16. Sherry Endersby

      My husband’s ex has been telling untrue things to his children. She grew up in foster care (father was an alcoholic who died in an accident and mother a schizophrenic) and she is emotionally supporting a 42 year old son what is addicted to both alcohol and drugs and has followed us from one comunity to another saying she wishes to take care of her granddaughter. Her son though with the substance abuse problems was seen at the pawn shop trying to get a couple of bucks for a five year old laptop and stole another person’s diamond earrings as well as cash. The grandson has participated in a very unfortunate circumstance surrounding harassing a teenaged girl. The giorlfriend of the oldes son has been searching the internet to diagnose her boyfriends emotional diagnosis and thinks he is a narcissist but yet still stays with him as she wishes to get his bank accounts shared in her own name as well. I am sure there is a problem. Also I have observed that the mother seems to drink and she bought beer for the addicted one the night before he was going into rehab. There is something wrong with this picture most definitely. They are very peculiar peole.

    17. Michael Sheahan

      A few examples of my EX’s violent behavior. Counselors told me I had battered wife syndrome. She had me arrested for domestic violence before she filed. Our 13 year old son elected to live with me, she harassed him and tried to choke him into submission. She hit our 6 year old so hard in the head, he was unconscious and brought to the hospital. She accused me of kidnapping our infant son hiding at my mothers with weapons. Police responded, it was my fathers wake and infant was 14 years old son. Beat and kicked our 16 year old daughter for not riding the school bus home in front of her friends. Made sure no one could stay in the family home out of spite. Abandoned it and in last 15 years made sure it fell in on itself, completely unliveable!

    18. Dee

      Nightmare ex… I would LOVE to move on with my life for the sake of my kids and myself. However, my lovely ex ( who cheated with over 35 women btw … some a few years older than my child) continues to drag me back to court to try to modify his alimony and time sharing. He claims he is broke( yet took out a jumbo loan on a house by the beach)
      He LOST his attempts in court…. but cost me THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS not to mention over a year to defend this
      He CONSISTENTLY bashes me to our kids when he sees them…. if they are upset with him and try to verbalize that to him … his response is always the same
      Your mother must have made you feel that way

      The reality is that our kids are old enough to remember his behavior and lack of presence over the years
      Rather than acknowledging his shortcomings ( we ALL have some) and moving forward
      He blames me for HIS poor relationships with his kids

      And I am SURE he would be one to call me the “bad ex” and agree with this article

      All the while he is lying to the kids about me
      If I speak to them regarding him
      It is factually correct info only

    19. Julie

      My ex was the vindictive one for years. He did it all in secret (well, at least secret from the kids) so that nobody but I could see it. He threatened to kill my new boyfriend if he came around my adult children. When I told him it was none of his business anymore since he divorced me (left me for a “friend”, then broke up with her as soon as the papers were signed), he broke into my house in the middle of the night and stole a large number of items out of the garage. Then he slashed one of the tires on my car. I don’t want the drama for my kids so I stay silent. Then I get to watch my kids adore the man who has traumatized me and bullied me and threatened me. Now, he’s the one with the new girlfriend and she immediatly befriended my kids. Hanging out together, posting on social media together. Now I’m the one that is so angry I cannot contain it. I do not want to become the vindictive one, but I am SO tempted to air all the awful disgusting things he did to me to get back at him. It is starting to affect my relationship with my children because I can’t stand to see them happy for him (and I know this is very wrong). It’s just not fair how much they adore him when he has provided nothing except a cool playmate their whole lives. He’s never provided – that was my job. He never disciplined – that was left to me. He would use the money I earned to buy them gifts from “Dad” on special occasions while I was at work. Years of conditioning that mom was the bad guy, don’t know why mom is so angry again – the rest of us are fine. Meanwhile he spent so much of my paycheck that my bank account was always negative. Even when I made a six figure salary! As soon as I took the spending power away from him, I never had another negative account issue – ironically that’s exactly when he decided to file for divorce. Even when I single-handedly funded two households, one that he lived in for free, while my youngest finished high school. There was amazingly still enough. Seeing a therapist starting tomorrow…praying she helps me sort through this extreme anger so my kids aren’t affected any more than they already have been.

    20. Katie

      I am experiencing this now. My bfs ex wife has manipulated his kids against both of us and my kids. She has them calling me names, being mean and ignoring my kids, had the kids threaten to leave him if he has anything to do with me. Has the young one asking about financial goings on …which Is no ones business. My bf is bewildered and so upset about being forced to choose. Not sure if karma will get her anytime soon. I have developed anxiety, him health issues. Both seeing therapists separately. I have no idea what to do….we love one another but this vindictiveness is taking its toll in every way

    21. Joe Dean

      Hello, I have read several story’s I can relate to. I was married to the woman of my dreams from high school sweethearts dating for 5+ years. Then married for 17+ years, we had a daughter that is now 36 with 3 granddaughters which I never get to see. My son is 29 also a police officer he also has cut all communication. My ex starting changing after we got married she became the person who wanted to control every aspect of our daily lives. I was a great provider and a great dad she also worked but never made half or what I did. We constantly argued about financial and adult issues that she insisted on doing this in front of our children. I was raised that us kids never knew what our parent financial or personal thing between our parents. After 17+ years of hearing I hate you why don’t you just leave and make us all happy. I take lots of blame by staying at the bar to long at times and yes there was a another woman before I finally left. My ex had made my life a living hell, she no longer cooked or cleaned she slept on the couch and I in bed by myself. We didn’t have a marriage we didnt even make love or confide in each other so the marriage was actually over. The day I told her I was leaving she set and cried but no once did she ask my to stay. From that day forward she would lie steal and have me in court for things I couldnt believe. Back 22+ years ago I was paying her $1100.00 a month for 2 kids. Well that wasn’t enough so she decided to take me back to court seeking $1500.00 each month. The judge ask her attorney if a schedule for child support had been figured and his reply was no. The judge told him he had 1 hour to get a schedule together, I was representing myself. I had all of my tax returns and current pay stubs. When he came back the judge shocked me and almost made my ex pass out. He said my payment would be $750.00 each month. Well if looks could have killed I would have been buried the next day. This is when she started telling our children how I took her to court and had child support reduced. Moving forward I paid every month thru the courts so there would be no questions. This has went on for 22+ years as the target parent to the point of my own kids cussing me and telling me what a pos I was. I wrote her a letter some would call it offering a olive branch, I ask for forgiveness and apologies for things I had never done. This was 3 months ago she told our grow kids that I was blaming her for me not having a relationship and my son texted telling me to stop blaming his mom because we didnt have a relationship. I have hurt so much and yes I have cried like a baby. I have forgiven all and I am not mad. But what I am upset about is how my future has been stolen from me because of a grown woman at 62 years of age continues to stir the pot of hate and division. My daughter has treated her soon to be ex exactly how her mother had done me. She has destroyed his life, this will pass from 1 generation to the next until someone swallows their pride and hate! I still cant keep a relationship with another lady because of the feelings I dwell on about trying to get my children and grandchildren back into my life. I am the father that loves with everything he has, I am the father that would give them the world, I am the father who would gratefully die for them. However I am the father that will never get that chance!

    22. TQ

      HA! my ex husband concealed my ownership, falsified evidence, sold our 2 million dollar home, (off market) without my knowledge or consent for 1 million and included my personal property and other community property, turned off utility without notice, me and child woke up in the dark, with a evictions on the door. The sale produced no proceeds. I was prevented from the hire of counsel because he refused to give me alimony of 12,000 a month, while opportunistic unauthorized third parties lusted at the “too good to be true cheap 3 house compound“ where they harassed us, gained possession, stole over 6,000 sq ft of assets, including my fathers remains, then filed a restraining order against me after I caught them stealing, and threatened me arrest, then kept stealing, then levied my Range Rover after it was falsey reported that I broke and entered into their property when my family has resided our home for over 8 years. My ex husband is a securities fraud litigator and encouraged the entire attack. Insane stuff. He had us robbed. although he makes 60,000 per month and left home to support his drug and prostitute addictions. I am peaceful and spiritual. I never did him wrong. he simply wants to destroy me because I proved happy without him. He is obsessed with abusing me and child. Legal issues is a understatement. Thankful to still have my high self-esteem and sanity. although he staged our destitution. all lies have a expiration date. justice will be served. best to everyone who has suffered narcissistic abuse or an energy vampire. they thrive off seeing your energy wasted. they despise your joy. protect yourselves and stay optimistic. get your respect, happiness and keep pushing. personality, self-love, and happiness is true fortune. These people have no personalities or terrible ones, no happiness, and no self-love. don’t be like them or what they want you to be. love yourself and be thankful you are finally free. If they are being tyrants, study laws that support your rights and shut-them-down! Anybody can sue. Best to all. TQ

    23. Sim

      Most harmful individuals I personally, can’t believe how with no questions, how so disgusting ,thing ever on this planet. So deadly ,when payed to out number untrue, true, any information what so ever. Harressment, stalked by adiou wall, chime, aggressive towards little ones, To permedataited, murder on innocent two little girls and there mother. Sooner or later no dought by now they should be caught, ex-husband, and female group. Would no stop on two little girls and there mother, everyone likes her,in her home town, always have, always will, never had I seen her deal with disrespect from people. So we new he was looking to hurt, hideing ever switch spot to theft harm, amount and length aim to kill some one or, covering someone death and embezzlement. Ect . No matter how harsh it needs to be stopped wrong, no one wants to force around a hurtful, vindictive, intentionally hurt the 3 girls. Way handled with all the opiones out the, human body the was handled, pushed and shoved. In small area, someone sent being to hurt a human body. Only thing that should have bitched about. Only thing keeping you eye time to stop the issues. My Lord community, little shocked, by what individuals blame. Who fills there head wrong, should have had they ass handed to them.

    24. Sad Mom

      My abusive ex husband could never get over the fact that I left him. He was and still is vindictive. He pounced on every opportunity to get the kids to
      live with him using money to buy whatever they want. When we divorced, he filed bankruptcy so that I would inherit all the bills and would be dependent and have to come back. I didn’t. When his parents died he inherited a lot of money and offered my kids things I couldn’t give them. My son left at 15 for the promise of a new sports car.I had 2 daughters with me. One of my daughters got in trouble for property damage and when I grounded her, she left to go live with her Dad when he said she should be allowed to do whatever she wanted. She never graduated from high school and she doesn’t talk to me. My youngest daughter never fell into that. Honestly I was afraid to raise her the way she should have been raised and was thankful she was a good kid involved in lots of school activities. He wouldn’t pay for her college education but paid for his step childrens college and bought them each a condo during their college years. My youngest daughter said that my ex told her that I never wanted her and that she seems brainwashed because she is raising her child by doing the same loving things that I did for them growing up without realizing that she is just like me. Back up a bit. My son left because his Dad beat him and then sent him to mental hospital because he couldn’t control him. I went to that city and got him out. He still refuses to speak to his Dad and he is45 yrs old. My youngest daughter and I were very close but all of a sudden she started going to see him (another city) a lot. I’m okay with that but it was such a drastic change that I was a bit taken aback. She’s an adult with an 18 yr old daughter. All of a sudden she stopped coming home for holidays and she is going to her Dads. In fact she cancelled plans to come to our house for thanksgiving to go to his instead. That really hurt and I was very upset. She has gone there for Christmas every year for the last 3. Now her daughter has decided to go to college in the town my ex lives in which is a 15 hr drive from their home. She never looked at any other schools; and most importantly it’s not one of the best schools for what she wants to study. She had applied to a school where I live that has an excellent school for her major and never bothered to visit. Now my daughter doesn’t come to see me anymore but she does call all the time. I get to fly for free so my husband and I go to their home for visits and never miss flying there to attend a birthday or special event of any of my grandchildren. She is very close to my husband and he has been there for her in every way a good parent would be. Now I find out that her dad is paying for her daughters entire college. And my daughter has stopped posting happy birthdays, happy Mother’s Day etc to me on social Media and removed previous posts that she has written that were gushing with praise and thanks. There are no pictures of me at any of the events I go to but she posts pictures of her dad when she visits his city. They have driven the 15 hrs to his house at least 3 times a year for the last 2 1/2 years. Then I found out that she lied to me about a big vacation they all took together that he paid for. She said she was going with friends. I wouldn’t have cared but when she lied, it really got me analyzing this situation. I am not positive but fairly certain that she has told her dad that she cut me off and that’s why she is getting all these monetary rewards. Back when my son and other daughter went to live with him, he would take them and his step kids on vacations and tell my youngest that she couldn’t go because she didn’t do things right for him. She would cry so hard about it. When my son was beaten up and called crying she was devastated. She had so much stress she started losing her hair and getting bald spots. She was in grade school at the time. But now she says he is a financial dad not an interactive dad. Not sure what that means but I think he isn’t hands on with the kids like I am. All of this really hurts. Actually all of it is adding up to one really hurtful life. I can’t deal with it and I haven’t talked to her since she accidentally told me the vacation wasn’t with her friends but with him and his family. I’m too old for this stress and the pain is awful. I think I am better off letting go. I don’t know how I’d explain to my grandkids that I won’t be coming out for their birthdays or before Christmas, etc. just wanted to explain all of this to get advice on how to cope. Do I let go? It has always been a stipulation that if you turn on your Mom you get rewarded with monetary things. My husband says it’s a deal with the devil and he’s right but she and her husband are taking it. She told my husband that she is devastated that I can come to talk to her. But it’s hurts to think that she must be telling her Dad that we don’t have a relationship. There’s no way she would get all this without that. The reason I am confident about that it’s because one time I went to visit her, she arranged for my long lost daughter to be there and we talked and I got to meet her son. She was only there for a day while I was there. But they made it very clear that no pictures could be taken because if their dad ever got wind that my long lost daughter saw me, talked to me, and that this daughter arranged it; they’d all have a lot to lose. It’s so pathetic that one person can not let go of spite even though they have moved on with another wife. He is not a good person. I sure could use some advice.

    25. Confused

      What about this one? I was married for 25 years to a man who was highly religious and made me obey. I would find porn and he would charm me into believing he was weak and then go back to reading his scriptures. 25 years and 2 sons and five daughters later, I couldn’t take it anymore, someone said to check his computer, I did and found kiddie porn. I turned it into the Attorney General’s office, told him, he said what’re you gonna do if I go to jail. I said, “That’s not my problem, that’s yours.” He filed for divorce, which I was glad, then his sister called and told me he had molested his three sisters his whole life. I had a daughter who was a raging alcoholic and, when she finally made the choice to stop drinking, she called me and said she kept having flashbacks of my ex and rubber bands. I asked his sisters and they said he used to tie them up. K, I refuse to be in the same room with this guy and my other 6 children have disowned me because of this. I told my daughter who was molested and my children (they are aged 29 to 46) that I would not be in the same room with him until he clears the air with his sisters and my daughter. The one he molested the most will not go to court because she said every time she tells her story, she gets set back and has to rebuild and she is now 66. My daughter has just made her way through cervical cancer and the thought of going after him is too overwhelming to her. This IS the biggest elephant in the room and I don’t know what to do. How do I overlook this like everyone else, so I can see my kids again?

    26. Levi Thomas Plummer

      Great article that I really identified with. I am currently dealing with a vindictive spouse in an ongoing divorce process. I was a loving and attentive father and wanted to be apart of my children’s life no matter what, however over the past three years the three children (daughters) have been alienated from me and now my oldest daughter doesn’t even want to talk to me. The mother has also made up blantant lies in affidavits filed in court, such as that I have mental health issues, that I verbally abuse all my children and that I’m addicted to crystal meth. I have never used any hard drugs in my life, not even to try it, so it raises an eyebrow to hear these lies. Perhaps the mother is not considering that these things have to be proven in court and once she is eventually exposed as a liar, much credibility on her part will be lost. I too agree with the author that G-d or if you prefer, karma will eventually catch up to those that sow seeds of ill will to hurt others instead of focusing on what matters, the children.

    27. Taelor

      My ex husband got me pregnant twice in two years, on purpose. Then left me 3 months postpartum with our second child. He admitted to me he’d been having affairs for months. He’s been taking my babies to another woman’s house to be mothered. I will 100% tell my kids their dad is a cheater and betrayed and liar. He’s the bad person, not me. I am not disgusting and I am not ashamed-those are reserved for the cheating parent who is AWFUL! He did this, not me. And y’all should stop and think of the hurt party before calling them disgusting. Cheating is disgusting. Stealing a woman’s babies to have them mothered by someone else is disgusting. Cheating apologists, it’s hideous.

    28. JH

      What advice is there for anyone going through this who can’t afford a lawyer? “Give up: It’s hopeless”?

    29. Carl Johnson

      here is the thing . if you aren’t happy just leave. you have kids and made a vow? so what, you aren’t happy. just leave, you don’t owe anyone anything, not your kids, not your ex spouse, not your family, you are the most important person. don’t ever forget. if you ruin your kids lives so what. you did it for yourself. you dont owe them…as long as you are happy that is all that matters

    30. Amanda

      Been going through this crap for years, I just tell my boys to pray for him and to let him have his fun, he’s miserable inside and all the hate, and crap he’s putting us through I’d a reflection of who he is and that’s really sad, pathetic really. He can’t even keep a relationship longer than a few months. These people are monsters and rest assured, karma will come for them.

    31. Jearl Black

      I was divorced in 2008 I believe, it’s been so long ago….several times of her coming back and leaving after a few months or so, so many times I’ve lost count and each time hurt like the first. I was sure not perfect, we were young and I started drinking like an idiot at 21 and drank like they were not making any more. I was so hurt and did not want a divorce, but I get it, I was always drinking, not a mean drunk…but a drunk. I’m suprised she stayed as long as she did really. After the divorce in the courtroom, she asked if I would go eat lunch with her, I would have never said no, I could tell she felt bad for hurting me, but I truly loved her and always will no matter what, If I had any wish that day or any, today included, I would wish that she will be happy in this short time we are given on Earth and I truly mean that. Our kids have kids of their own now, She is raising two of our grandbabies and I worked a Federal Govt job for many years and many years in the Army reserves, I had paid 800 a month child support for many years, and now she is raising our grandbabies, I was giving her a good part of my pay check and I enjoyed being able to do that for her, I always liked to spoil her what little I could and had a side for 20 years building transmissions. She jokinly said I should just give her all my gov’t check…..and I said ok, I’ll try it we will see and I don’t understand why, but I loved it! I loved doing that! I was actually happy again in life for the most part and work was so much more enjoyable again, like when I first started and was young, I was for some reason happy and I loved that she allowed me to do that, she knows how much I enjoyed spoiling her and that will never change. She is on her 4th marriage and I got to see our grandbabies, she was getting my entire check (1,5037) every two weeks in her account and I was content in life, I didn’t get to see her much for like 6 months, something changed, out of the blue, she told me that I stink……and she hates my voice and she is not lettting me see our grandbabies anymore……no more seeing Little Jett Black or his baby sister I had become so attached to……6 months ago and it’s like she vanished off the Earth, I do not understand and It hurt me so badly I walked out on my job of 18 years, there is no coming back for me and I don’t understand what happened. The last check, she sent back to me on pay day with an app, and that NEVER happened before. I called and she answered and I said things to her I’ll never forgive myself for, I was so upset she would give me no reason she did what she did and I said awful things….My computer and phone, any devices get hacked soon as I get a new one and turn it on, she knew it was going to happen to me before it did and I’ll never know why, I was not perfect, not close but I truly tried to be a good man, when this happened, it broke me so badly I’ll never come back from where I am mentally. I always told her not to be so defensive toward, me because I was on her side, forever and always no matter what, on her side. I had not one bit of hate for her in my heart, never……I am thankful for the time she give me and our giving me our beautiful babies, and I honestly feel this way, the time she give me, the “happy” in my life I’ll always be thankful for and I always say this, but time is our most precious resource, we have so very little of it. I have a few bucks from my 401K, but it will run out soon and I’ll not be able to go on anymore. I pray that what ever has put so much anger in her will leave her. I don’t understand how people hate the person they loved so much, I’ve read the stories on here… and women doing awful things to their ex, horrible things to the one they loved so much, does the love just leave? and you actually hate the person? I never ever could do any of those things to my ex, God made man bigger, stronger and bulit to protect women, protect and provide for them. If your spouse cheats it hurts bad, lord it hurts, but I’ve heard so many times and I believe it, often the woman or man doesn’t even understand themselves why they did it, or how they fell in love with another……Don’t hate them, don’t…..forgive them, truly forgive them and try to understand what they must go through, not understanding why the no longer want to be with the one they comitted to, such a strong force they completly change their lives and leave to be with another, it hurts like hell but we only human, all of us, we are what nature made us. Neither is wrong…..just different. Hunter gaterer days, women needed a man to survive and the man often died early, broken bone, cut, gets infected, he died. The man was with one woman all his short life, the woman had to find another to survive and for her babies to survive……mostly a woman can love another easier than a man can…mostly. It goes much deeper but thats basically it I guess. Don’t hate one another, life is too short for all that, forgive those who hurt you, honestly, truly forgive them and a huge burden will leave your shoulders. I am an INFJ personality type they call it, so different from most, I hope to hear why what happened to me happened, but I don’t thing what little money I have will last me long enough to get that answer…..I’ll not be a burden on anyone, my time is almost up on this Earth and I never would have guessed this would be my end….44 years old and this is my end…..It is NOT her fault, nor anyone else’s but mine, not even the people who did a horrible DDOS attack on me and put my brain in a place there is no coming back from…..INFJ personality types are 2 to 3% of the world’s population they say, maybe they wanted to see what their attack would do to an INFJ I do not know, but I did not deserve this, I did not, but I forgive the entire group of those involved…..for I really believe they know not what they have to my head……6 months of mental torture with the 5 cell phones, 2 laptops they ruined, and using the FCC id to hack into my vehicles stereo….my brain in a place that is a one way road now, I did not deserve this, I did not but I forgive you, please do not do this to anyone else like you have to me, please, no human deserves what you all have done to me, please no one else not like you did to me, I was just finding my happy again in life when you all hacked me and the same time, the one I loved dropped a bombshell on me, my heart was not made for this time on Earth, I can’t be “fixed” I forgive you all, please no one else, Please.

    32. Anon

      Tell me how you don’t feel vindictiveness when your ex has completely and purposely screwed you over? Took everything, money, house, car, savings, pensions. Turned the kids against you, shacked up with someone else (1 month after 13 years).

    33. Taylor

      I appreciate your article. Going through a divorce with an extremely vindictive wife who has done everything she can to destroy me at the expense of our children. I’ve continued to pay all her bills and put into our kids college funds throughout this. I haven’t been perfect either but nowhere in the same stratosphere as her. It’s amazing to me and I hope she comes to some serious realization at some point. I don’t know at this point if I’ll ever be able to forgive her or have a working relationship with her that our kids deserve. I don’t know. It’s been a nightmare and so sad.


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