The Importance Of Asking For What You Want In A Relationship

asking for what you want in a relationship

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

A huge issue in a faltering romantic relationship is when one or both people stop communicating effectively. One aspect of this is when instead of coming out and asking for things they want, hold everything inside and then become angry and resentful toward the other person because they aren’t getting what they want/need. Asking for what you want in a relationship is the topic of this week’s Love Essentially, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press, and several other newspapers across the country.

Will You Be My Valentine?

by Jackie Pilossoph for Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press

Every year on Feb. 14, millions of men and women look at their spouse in a loving, fun, or cute way and ask, “Will you be my valentine?” The question can have lots of different interpretations, which include “Will you take me out for dinner?” “Will you buy me flowers?” “Will you have sex with me?” or “Will you continue to love and be faithful to me?”

 

Taking off your wedding ring means...what exactly?

 

Regardless of what specifically a person is seeking by asking a spouse if he or she will be their valentine, there is something really, really significant and healthy going on here: The person is actually asking their spouse for something. In other words, they are communicating their needs.

Think about it. This is therapy 101, and I can say that with authority based on my past experience in marriage therapy. Let me explain.

When a relationship is new, couples are usually blissful and everything seems perfect. But as time goes by, and the relationship settles into a long-term commitment or marriage and then the couple has kids, the potential for a communication breakdown arises. Couples can fall into a bad pattern of not expressing their needs by asking for what they want, and instead assuming the spouse knows. And, when a person doesn’t feel that his or her needs are being met by the spouse, that’s when resentment starts to build and fester.

 

Vestor

 

For example…(click here to read the rest of the article, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and several other newspapers across the U.S.)

Like this article? Check out, “14 Pieces of Great Relationship Advice”

 

6 Tips to Getting a Mortgage After a Divorce

 

Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph

Gmail

LinkedIn

Featured Expert Articles

Jackie Pilossoph Jackie Pilossoph
Creator, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling
How To Handle Sugar Cravings

The Best Reason To Sell Your Wedding Ring After Divorce

Elaine Koby Mossr Elaine Koby Moss
Vice-president and Senior Advisor, Vestor Capital
Want Financial Security After Divorce? Here’s Your Checklist

Want Financial Security After Divorce? Here’s Your Checklist

Dan Stefani Dan Stefani
Divorce Attorney, Principal, Katz & Stefani
Thinking About Divorce? Here Is Your Legal Consultation

Thinking About Divorce? Here Is Your Legal Consultation

Jeremy Woods Jeremy Woods
Senior Residential Mortgage Banker, CIBC
6 Tips To Getting A Mortgage After Divorce

6 Tips To Getting A Mortgage After Divorce

Leslie Glazier Leslie Glazier
Real Estate Agent, @properties, Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist
What Happens To The House In Divorce? Consider These 4 Things

What Happens To The House In Divorce? Consider These 4 Things

Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *