I promised to love, honor and cherish him forever & I didn’t break a promise. I would do anything for my life to rewind 4 months & for this to not be happening. I don’t understand nor can I believe that this is my life now; that my husband left me & I’m all alone. We were together for 14 years since we were 16. How could he do this? It just feels like it all meant nothing to him when it meant everything to me. I just don’t know how I’ll ever recover.
This comment was posted on Divorced Girl Smiling and honestly, it’s heartbreaking. “I just don’t know how I’ll recover” sounds like a hopeless frame of mind.
Here’s what I want to say to her:
It seems almost impossible right now to imagine that you will be happy again someday. I get it. Your husband has taken your youth and your innocence, and you don’t really know what life is like without him. It’s very traumatizing and will have an affect on you forever.
That said, here is the good news. You are only 30 years old! Most people don’t get married (for the first time) until over age 30. I know it is very very hard to imagine trusting and loving someone else someday, but since you are so young, you can have a whole life with another man if you want that. You can have kids with him if you choose. My saying this might be nauseating to you, so keep in mind, I don’t mean this is going to happen tomorrow. I’m just saying that humans crave love and companionship, and we have the innate strength to move on. It takes time, but it does happen.
I know countless men and women whose spouses left them and every single one of them falls madly in love again at some point. It is a certainty. Unless they play the victim and focus on being bitter and angry about their ex.-which is a small population, in my opinion.
The point is, you WILL recover. How? I’m not sure. How long does it take? I have no idea, it’s different for everyone. But, here are 11 things you can do that will give you a good jumpstart on recovering from your divorce.
1. Join a gym. Please don’t roll your eyes. You need the release of endorphins, and the hundreds of other mental benefits that result from both cardio and weight training.
2. Start doing yoga. It will teach your breathing techniques and give you a sense of peace and tranquility during those times when your mind wanders to a bad place.
3. Connect with girlfriends. You need your girls right now! Make lots of coffee walking or shopping dates.
4. Get into reading. There is nothing better than a great book to take your mind off of your own problems. It doesn’t even matter what genre it is, reading not only makes you smarter, but gives you new appreciation for a larger world, not just your own.
5. Find your faith. I’m not saying you have to rush to church or synagogue, but talking to God and having faith is a very soothing way to cope with divorce. He is listening.
6. Avoid alcohol. It will intensify strong emotions of anger, sadness and hopelessness.
7. Be open to meeting men, even if it’s just as friends. Try to remember that not all men leave. There are some really good ones out there.
8. Follow your passion. Do what you love, whether it’s professionally or just a hobby. Your passion makes you happy. Right now, you need happy. Big time.
9. Enjoy your living space. Make it what you want by redecorating, painting, organizing and disposing of unneeded items taking up room. You’ll love and appreciate where you live and you’ll enjoy the comfort.
10. I just read a few articles on Robert Herjevac’s divorce (shark tank guy.) Apparently he was so depressed about his divorce and didn’t know what to do, so he volunteered at a soup kitchen, and said it changed his life. It probably put everything in perspective, and gave him a sense of self-worth that is badly needed during a divorce.
11. Think of your husband leaving you as something you couldn’t control. In other words, don’t keep looking back saying, “Maybe if I’d have done….he wouldn’t have left.” This is what was meant to be, and someday, (although hard to fathom right now) you will realize and accept it, and actually be glad it turned out this way.