We all have low points in our lives — times when we may feel a bit lost and alone. Going through a divorce or a separation can definitely be one of those times. This reader recently wrote, “I feel hopeless and alone during divorce:”
I feel hopeless and alone. At this point in time I just need words of hope. I want to know that it gets better. I feel pathetic and lonely. I have a hard time seeing how my life can be ok through and after the divorce.
Here is my advice for her:
It is okay to feel hopeless and alone, sad and even broken. Just know that these feelings are temporary. And, they are just feelings. They are not YOU. You are not a sad, broken person: You are simply experiencing sadness and hopelessness. So, own it, feel it and embrace it. Cry, yell and be scared. Give yourself that. It’s okay! Tell yourself that you are grieving and this is simply a part of the process.
But, then, there will come a time when you will want to move forward. When you will want to let go of the fear and the pain, and to not look back. You will know when the time is right.
In regards to “I feel hopeless and alone,” it is a choice to focus on what you do have rather than on what you don’t have. Instead of viewing a situation as if you are all alone without your spouse, why not try to see it differently? Why not look at it as if you have a world of possibility and opportunity before you now.
You are free! So many wonderful people can come into your life. You have more time to focus on you and the things that you love. You are getting out of a relationship that clearly isn’t working.
It’s challenging to envision it, but better days await. Think about when you’re experiencing physical pain, such as a headache. It’s hard to even imagine your head feeling good when you’re right in the midst of explosive pain. It’s the same kind of feeling with emotional pain. You are in the thick of it right now. It’s hard to see the light — the hope — the joy. But, it is there. You just have to get out of this dark place.
You are complete without your partner. You were complete before you met your spouse and you will certainly feel complete again.
Think about activities and people who make you smile. Focus on work that you enjoy. Be extra kind to yourself and indulge in reading, baths, massages or quiet, simple time watching TV. Whatever it is that brings you comfort, go to that right now.
You are not pathetic! You are growing and evolving. It is often though our pain and challenges where we experience the greatest growth in our lives. Just believe that life will get better. Know that you are in control of your future.
And, focus on right now and on making right now the best it can be. Also, remember that you are not alone. So many of us have experienced very dark times, and we’re all here to tell you about it. Many of us have since stumbled upon paths of pure peacefulness and great joy.
See yourself there, and believe that you can and will get there.
Amy Lee Kite is an author, blogger, poet and editor. She received her master’s degree in journalism from the Medill School of Journalism and has had numerous articles published over the years. Amy has always turned to writing to work through anything that is happening in her life, including her parents’ divorce and her own divorce. She has published three children’s books on tough topics, including “Divorce: What About Me?” Her most recent book, “Goodbye, Gus” is about the loss of a pet. Her books are available on her website and on Amazon. To learn more about Amy, visit her website: www.amyleekite.com; follow her poetry and writing on her Instagram account: @amyleewrites and follow her on Facebook.
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