In my “Love Essentially” column, published on September 11, 2014 in Sun-Times Media local, I talk about the importance of good sex in a relationship. Also part of the column, advice from Jessica Waxman, a great therapist and marriage counselor.
The Real Reason Good sex is important in a Relationship by Jackie Pilossoph
I bet if someone did a poll asking men and women to rank the importance of good sex in a relationship on a scale of 1 to 10, most people would give it at least an 8.
Remember the movie, “About Last Night?” There’s a scene where Jim Belushi and Rob Lowe are on the El, and Belushi says to Lowe, “So, you’re getting serious.”
Lowe sort of nods his head yes, as if he’s afraid to admit that to his buddy that he’s falling in love. Belushi then asks, “So, how’s the sex?”
Why was that Belushi’s first question? Why didn’t he ask the real questions, like “Does she make you happy?” “Does she bring out your best qualities?” “Is she kind?” “Is she considerate?” “Is she communicative?” “Does she tell you what she needs?”
Know why? Because aside from the fact that “About Last Night” is a romantic comedy and not a therapist, most people don’t understand that there is a connection between those questions and good sex.
“Good sex is an indication that you and your partner are attuned to each other’s needs and that you are willing to fulfill them,” said Jessica Waxman, a Northbrook-based licensed marital and family therapist. “Sex provides a connection that fosters companionship, attachment, commitment and support.”
Waxman, who has been in private practice for more than 10 years told me that 100 percent of the couples who go to see her have issues with sex in their relationship.
“One person doesn’t feel like the sex is frequent enough, or they aren’t having sex at all. It’s not what is used to be, or they feel like their partner thinks it’s a chore,” she said.
I’m not a therapist, but here’s what I can say about good sex in a relationship. It brings couples closer together, it connects two people in a way that not even the best platonic friendships are capable of doing.
Think about it. How amazing does it feel to be out in public with your spouse, look around, and realize that not a soul besides the two of you has any idea of the sparks and electricity that took place in your bedroom last night? I think good sex in a relationship is an added layer that makes you love someone at a more intense level, which strengthens the bond you already have.
So, if you don’t have good sex in your relationship, how do you obtain it?
Here are Waxman’s tips: Click here to read the rest of the article in Sun-Times Media local!