Are you Divorcing? 21 Things You Shouldn’t Give a F*** About

divorcing

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

While I was divorcing several years ago, life felt like a roller coaster for awhile. At the beginning, when I was first separated, most days seemed like the sky was falling. Between my young  children, attorney’s fees, financial concerns, feeling alone and very lonely, and walking on eggshells in between terrible fights with the ex, it was hard to believe I was going to be OK.

 

But as time passed, days that seemed hopeless became less and less frequent, and more and more good days started to come. I found a sense of calm and peace at times. I also discovered surprising strength and a sense of empowerment, both from which  I credit consistent adversity, i.e. shit show after shit show. I will say, realizing you are coping better than you expected and that you are thriving is a really, really great feeling.

 

But one thing I regret while divorcing was all the time I spent worrying and getting myself worked up over little stuff. I wish someone would have taken the time to look me in the eyes and say:

“Don’t worry about it. What you are upset about right now isn’t going to matter in 5 years, or even in one year, one month or honestly, tomorrow.”

 

A friend of mine forwarded me the article, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck,” by author and blogger, Mark Manson. Smiling, laughing but reflecting throughout, I loved the whole thing, including these takeaways:

 

Not giving a f*** about something doesn’t mean you’re not a caring person.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

The older you get, the less you care about stupid stuff and it makes you a happier person.

 

Inspired by Manson, here are 21 things you shouldn’t give a fuck about while divorcing:

 

1. Some woman who you barely know calls and says, “I heard you’re divorcing. What happened?”

2.  You run into your ex’s friend or family member who you thought cared about you and he/she is very cold and distant to you.

3. Your ex just started dating a woman you thought was your friend.

4. You had your first date with a guy and he never called you back.

 

Going Through a Divorce?  Names You Need and Why

 

5. Some girl you know told you that some other girl said to her, “Her ex is so adorable. She should really try to get back together with him. She’ll never do any better.”

6.  You look in the mirror and realize you don’t look the same as you did last time you started dating.

7.  Something that happens legally in your divorce upsets or angers your spouse, which was not your intention. He/she is really pissed at you.

8. You’re waiting outside at your kids’ school and you can sense other women whispering about you.

9.  You interviewed for your old job (after taking 10 years to be a stay-at-home mom) and they promptly sent you a rejection letter. You never even got a second interview.

10. Your ex comes to pick up the children and is so mean it’s unsettling.

11. You open your monthly attorney bill and your jaw is on the ground.

12. Your ex texted you a bunch of really, really mean messages that include really awful words about you.

 

 

 

Anna K. Law- I am committed to offering you solutions that are supportive, considerate, sensible, constructive and mutual.

 

13. Your children tell you they met dad’s girlfriend and that’s she’s pretty and nice.

14. It’s your birthday and your ex doesn’t even say happy birthday.

 

12 truths and myths about divorce mediation

 

15. Your ex’s attorney purposely shakes her wet umbrella on you and then pretends it was an accident.

16. You get home from a disappointing date you met on a dating website and you feel exhausted. Yet again.

17. Your ex shows up in court and he’s got a whole new look. New clothes, new hair, he’s lost weight, and he thinks he’s 25 again.

 

Leslie Glazier Real Estate Agent: My Review

 

18. You’re out to dinner with your girlfriend and you see your ex on a date.

 

Katz and Stefani Family Law Attorneys

 

19. Your ex has the kids on Thanksgiving and you have to be home alone.

20. Your ex tells you he cheated on you while you were married.

21. You spend New Year’s Eve with 4 married couples.

 

Here’s the thing. I’m not saying you shouldn’t care about these things while divorcing. But, does it help to get yourself all worked up or cry because some bitch in your neighborhood thinks your ex is a better catch than you? No way.

 

My way of saying “you shouldn’t give a fuck” while divorcing is simply to say that it’s OK to care, to be upset or to get angry about these things, but that you shouldn’t spend more than a few seconds before letting these worries roll off of you like rain on a plastic raincoat.

 

Worrying doesn’t do any good because it doesn’t take the problem away. Fear is something that will paralyze you, and anger can be toxic. Instead, take a deep breath and focus on something good: the yoga class you did today, your little girl’s smile, your dog, your parents, a trip you have planned, or the wonderful new life you are going to have when your divorce is behind you.

Like this article? Check out, “20 Things I Wish I could Have Told My Newly Separated Self”

 

Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph

 

10 Big Divorce Mistakes You Really Don’t Want to Make

Sign up for the Divorced Girl Smiling newsletter to get weekly articles on divorce and dating.

Sign up
Listen to the Divorced Girl Smiling podcast! a weekly show about divorce and dating

Gmail

LinkedIn
Divorced Girl Smiling welcome video
Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

8 Responses to “Are you Divorcing? 21 Things You Shouldn’t Give a F*** About”

  1. Cesar

    This article was well written and it has certainly given me something to think about. I will absolutely consider everything from this article throughout these difficult times. Thank you!

    Reply
  2. Mary anne

    Relatable and wonderful advice! Divorce is stressful, I went through one about 2 years ago now. It is very sad and weird because you made a life with that person and now have to pick up the pieces. One thing I was lucky to have help with is finding health insurance easily afterwards. I relied on my ex for everything, but it feels great to be independent and love me. https://www.ez.insure/landing/2020/07/divorce-health-insurance/ helped break down my different options for health insurance.

    Reply
  3. Dor

    Good article but I can’t relate to a lot of it
    My kids were in their twenties went I was surprised with the divorce and I’ve had no contact with my ex
    ( his choice)
    Recently found out he has blocked me on his phone which my 24 yr old daughter told me
    Yes, still have monthly divorce bills , 3 yrs later but I don’t get as upset by them.
    They will soon end.
    Looking back, when seperation hits, everything is upsetting.
    Time makes things less upsetting.
    You can’t control what may happen.
    You just deal with things better with time.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *