Divorced Woman Feeling Societal Pressure to Fall In Love Again



By Jackie Pilossoph, Divorced Girl Smiling Editor-in-Chief

Why is there so much pressure from society for a divorced woman to fall in love again, or even WANT to fall in love again? Isn’t that what got us into trouble last time?!


I don’t know how old you are, if you have kids, how long you have been divorced, or even why you got divorced. I think those are very important factors when it comes to answering your question.


I can only try to give you a helpful answer based on my experience as a divorced woman, and what’s so strange about your question is that I have found just the opposite. In other words, I don’t feel society putting any pressure on me to get remarried at all. Then again, I am 49 years old and I have kids. Maybe society has given up on me, thrown in the towel and chalked me up to ending up an old maid.


Perhaps society is hopeful for a divorced woman in her 20’s or 30’s to fall madly in love again and forget all about her short marriage that didn’t take—as if it’s a glitch in life that no one, including her will ever remember. Some call a short marriage a mulligan, a free do-over. That makes sense to me. I meet people all the time in their 40s, 50’s, and even older, who tell me that they were married and divorced very young and had kids with their now husband, who they have been with for two or even three decades.


What strikes me as notable in your question is how you phrase it: or even WANT to fall in love again?


Honestly, I think the only person putting pressure on you is YOU. And what I want to say is take that bad boy off of you!! No one expects or wants you to fall in love again unless YOU want that.


I think people around us–our friends and family and people who care about us want us to be happy. Sadly enough, most equate happiness with being married, so maybe that’s what you’re feeling.


I’ve been divorced for 8 years and I still get looks from people in my community that make me feel like they feel sorry for me. The look I get is “Oh, poor Jackie. Being a single mom must be hard. She must be really lonely.” Maybe I’m being paranoid, and not everyone looks at me like that, but I do feel that from certain people. It doesn’t bother me much, I just feel sorry for THEM because I have a great life and I don’t look at being single as a bad thing.


My question for you is, (and you should ask yourself this:) why are you putting that pressure on yourself? That’s something you need to explore within.


The clincher in your question is your follow up question: Isn’t that what got us into trouble last time?


You sound very conflicted about whether or not you want to find love again. That’s understandable. Any divorced person will tell you he or she has been through heartbreak, and that the thought of taking a chance again is terrifying. That said, I truly believe that love is addictive, and that humans have an innate desire to love and be loved. So, like idiots, we all keep running back for more! Haha


Stop worrying about societal pressure and focus on yourself. What do YOU want? If you want to find love, then go for it. If you think you need a break from dating for awhile, that’s OK too.


In closing, whether or not you feel society is putting pressure on you to find love again, who cares what society thinks? The only person whose opinion matters is the one looking in the mirror every day. Happy with what you see? If the answer is yes, (married or not) then that’s a really good thing.

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3 Responses to “Divorced Woman Feeling Societal Pressure to Fall In Love Again”

  1. Tom

    Really interesting article. Another societal push on some woman after a divorce is getting back into the job market. Los Angeles divorce law has guidelines around how long spousal support will be paid. Once it runs out the person receiving the support usually needs to find a job, or another source of income. It can be a rude awakening to a lot of women who gave up their careers to raise a family, or let their husband be the sole financial provider.



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