Divorce Injustice: It’s Just Not Fair!

By Jennifer Joy Butler, Divorced Girl Smiling Contributor, MSW, Love and Relationship Coach

Perhaps you are experiencing the end of a relationship, or maybe the death of someone you love, or possibly divorce injustice, or some other injustice in your life. Whatever the experience, I wonder how many times have you wanted to scream from the top of your lungs “IT’S NOT FAIR!!” That this is absolutely not what was supposed to happen, that you don’t deserve this, that you did everything right. How many of you want to scream out “WHY?!?!?? Why is this happening to me?!?!?!?”

If you are anything like I was at the end of my marriage and when my father passed away, you have felt this way or are feeling this way now. It is almost like your inner two- year-old wants to kick and scream and throw a complete tantrum on the floor. The anger and resentment from divorce injustice threaten to boil over and you have to hold yourself together with everything you have.

Does this sound familiar???

Couple things…

FIRST… LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

I know you have heard this statement a million times and it may even be one of the most frustrating truths you have to listen to, but it is unfortunately the truth. Life is not fair. It is a sentence I repeat to my son over and over again, attempting to instill within him the lesson that “Life is not fair. The sooner you make peace with that, the happier you will be.”

Because, here is the thing. Life isn’t supposed to be fair. Life is supposed to be full of challenges that stretch you, bring you to your limits, and encourage you to grow. Life is supposed to be filled with twists and turns that test you and bring you to your knees.

Why??? So that you can learn how to transcend…. learn how to bring forth your gifts… learn what you are made of. All this to encourage you to grow to your potential. Let’s face it…. it is the difficult times that truly show you who you are and what you are capable of.

SECOND…

Whenever you are feeling a reaction inside of this severe intensity, it is actually a projection of something going on within you. It’s like this inner part of you, you can even look at it as a part of your inner child, is screaming for your attention… screaming out to be understood…. screaming out to be nurtured and loved.

No matter how much we try to bury our past hurts and pretend they aren’t there, the truth is they are in fact in there, and we get to know them very well the second we are triggered by an extremely painful life situation. If something deep inside you wasn’t being triggered, then you would not be reacting in the way that a two year old would act in a tantrum.

SO, HERE’S THE DEAL…

This is not about the person you lost nor about the divorce injustice you have experienced. This is about YOU. There is an inner piece of you wanting to kick and scream because she feels ignored, unheard, and invisible. She has attempted to whisper, speak, maybe even yell before, but now she is screaming!

So yes… it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair at all AND you can either stay there and get stuck in the absolute frustration of that truth, OR you can take the leap into the abyss of your inner world and heal those pieces that are calling out to be heard.

As always… the choice is totally yours.

divorce injustice

Jennifer Joy Butler is a certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. A graduate of New York University with a Masters Degree in Social Work, Jennifer is also a divorced single mom who has transformed her own life. Jennifer truly understands her clients and the journey they are on. She can be found hosting the Worthy podcast “Divorce & Other Things You Can Handle” and her writing can be found on JennJoyCoaching. This article was originally published on Jenn’s blog.


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2 Responses to “Divorce Injustice: It’s Just Not Fair!”

  1. Mike Tim

    Great!
    I have just gone through your article and it was very informative and yes little emotional too.

    I wonder why people can’t tolerate each other as we all have both negative and positive side. We have to understand each other. Everybody opinions, feelings, emotions might differ but it does not mean we should not respect them at all.

    Keep sharing!

    Reply
  2. Elena Jogbi

    It’s been five years since my marriage broke down but, since me and partner separated, we have been on family holidays together, shared dinners, spent every Christmas with one another. It was hard to disentangle our lives when we had three kids, a house, friends, family, plus 10 years of shared memories, but we did it and remained friends. Because it was our choice.

    Reply

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