One of the biggest fears for divorced men and women is getting back into the dating scene and having sex. If you think about it, a recently divorced person hasn’t been on a first date in years — maybe even decades. Here are four ways dating and sex after divorce is different than before you were married.
1. You no longer look for a mate, you look for a soul mate
As a young person dating, I remember looking for that perfect mate, the one who was going to make a great dad, who would be a good co-provider financially, a person who was looking to embark on the same life journey as I was, and someone who would grow old with me. Now that that plan was shot to hell, what’s plan B?
I find that most divorced people are just looking for someone they like and nothing more. They’ve been so unhappy in their marriage for so long that just spending time with someone who makes them laugh, or who challenges them intellectually, or who makes them feel good about themselves is all they really want. There’s no clock ticking and no pressure to have children, and so there’s no rush to get married.
Many divorced people just enjoy that refreshing feeling of being happy, really connecting with someone, and perhaps, falling madly in love without worrying about how perfect or not perfect the person is for them.
2. You now have other people to consider: your kids
When people are young and single, the only responsibility they have is to get to their jobs every morning — and for even the hardest of workers, that still leaves time for socializing and dating. After a divorce, however, many people have a job and kids, which sometimes feels like there are no more slices in your pie for anything else. You can’t spend hours and hours on a date because you might have a babysitter at home, you can’t talk on the phone every night, and get-togethers are limited.
Also, kids can make or break a post-divorce romantic relationship. If your kids like your new boyfriend (or girlfriend), everything is wonderful. If they don’t, feelings get hurt and things can get complicated.
Click here to read the rest of the article, published in the Sun-Times. You really need to read #3 and you really, really, really need to read #4!