I got divorced at 41 and began dating shortly after. I have to say, dating after divorce at 40 or over has both its pluses and minuses, its ups and downs, and its highs and lows. It’s a roller coaster ride! And, Dating after divorce at 40 can be really complicated. There are ex’s and financial issues and for those with kids, there are schedules and kids’ feelings to think about. There’s also insecurity, self-doubt and baggage, all that make a divorced person a totally different “dater” than someone dating who has never been married.
There’s one thing I see in so many divorced men and women, and the best word I can use to describe it is indecisiveness. I feel like a lot of divorced people in the dating scene are all over the place. They just don’t know what they want. Some of them THINK they want a serious relationship, but when they get in it, they’re unsure. Some of them THINK they want to date around and just have fun, but then they meet someone, fall in love, and now they are completely thrown, and don’t know how to handle it.
Because of these scenarios, a lot of divorced people in relationships send mixed signals to the person they are seeing. One week they might be all lovey-dovey, the next, they might seem distant, aloof, perhaps.
And that’s really, really understandable, and okay to a certain extent. But, what if you’re on the other end? What if YOU know what you want, but he or she doesn’t?
I can say this with experience in dating after divorce at 40 (and over.) There are certain behaviors in relationships that will make you sure he/she loves you.
Here are 13 ways you can be sure that the person you are dating is committed, loyal and loving you:
1. He’s constantly hugging and kissing you in bed. He Loves You.
The second you get into bed, he’s all about having sex. Maybe not.
2. He shows an interest in your kids, and asks if he can attend your son’s flag football game. He’s in.
When you tell him about your daughter’s ballet show, he says, “Aww, that’s nice,” and then changes the subject. He’s not in.
3. You’ve met his friends and family. He’s digging ya.
You’re never been invited to a family get-together of his, and you don’t even know if he has friends. He’s not committed.
4. He secures weekend plans with you at the beginning or middle of the week. He’s into you.
He texts you on Saturday afternoon with something like, “U around 2nite?” He’s horny.
5. You break your arm and call him from the emergency room. He drops whatever he’s doing and shows up within an hour. He’s in love.
You break your arm and call your sister, who of course shows up. You don’t tell him till the next day when he texts you. Your relationship is casual, at best.
6. You’re making love with him and the passion is so overwhelming you can barely breathe. It is at this moment he whispers, “I love you.” He’s madly in love.
You’re making love with him and the passion is so overwhelming you can barely breathe. It is at this moment he whispers, “You’re so hot, baby.” He’s madly in lust.
7. He says things like, “You have the best laugh.” He adores you.
He says things like, “You have the best ass.” He loves your body.
8. He shows an interest in your career, and listens when you complain about things at work. He loves all of you.
He has no clue what you even do, nor does he really seem to want to find out. He’s iffy about your love.
9. He introduces you to his ex and she gives you a look that makes you certain she knows the relationship is serious. He loves you.
He introduces you to his ex and she looks at you as if you are another number in a long line of women. In other words, it’s obvious she’s met all of his girls. No way.
10. It’s Christmas. He’s with his kids, but makes sure to see you at some point during the day and give you a gift. He sees a future with you.
It’s Christmas. He’s with his kids. You never hear from him the entire day or night. You’re his Saturday night girl.
11. It’s been the best year of your life, as far as love and romance. He makes you feel loved.
It’s been a really great year, but he has never said the L word to you. Deep down, you know the truth.
12. When you get to his place, you get in with the key he gave you. His love feels secure.
When you get to his place, you knock on the door and he yells, “It’s open.” He really likes you.
13. You ask yourself, “Does he really love me?” You look into his eyes and you have all the answers you need. He really loves you.
You ask yourself, “Does he really love me?” You look into his eyes and you’re really not sure. You just hope. He might not.
Remember that every situation is different, and it’s okay if you both aren’t in love. Dating after divorce is about making sure you feel good about yourself in the relationship and that you are happy. So, if it’s working, that’s great. But, don’t be afraid to face the truth. If you are in love and you know he isn’t, don’t settle by staying in the relationship, just because you are afraid you won’t meet anyone else. You deserve to have your love returned, if that’s what you want.