Advice For Divorced Woman Who Writes: No One Knows My Pain

no one knows my pain

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

Of all the emails I have ever received, (and there’s a lot) this one truly left me heartbroken: No One Knows My pain. What do people do when there is no one left that loves them or even cares?


Let me offer a little bit of this reader’s background. She is in her early forties and getting divorced after a 5 year marriage. The couple has no children and her father died a few years ago. They were very close. Her mom isn’t doing well and I am going to assume she doesn’t have siblings (although I could be wrong.) She said she has tried dating but that she always says the wrong things and has a lack of trust in men, which was caused by her marriage. She also lives in a small town where there are so few single people.


I think that loneliness and feeling alone might be the most painful emotion a human being can feel. I think that people innately crave love, intimacy and relationships. Are there times when people want to be alone (meaning not in a relationship)? Sure. But for the most part, we all want someone to love and be loved.


So, where can I begin to offer advice to this sweet, sweet woman who I just want to hug, who writes no one knows my pain? 


1. If you have faith and you talk to God, you are not alone.

I actually talk to God all the time. You don’t have to go to church or synagogue to talk to God. No one knows my pain? God knows your pain.

2. If you love yourself—appreciate your body and your health and the work you do and the hobbies and passion you have for things in life, you will feel less lonely.

3. Love comes to those who are willing to make an effort to put themselves out there, unafraid to show their true, authentic self and not care what others think.

4. You also have to make a practical effort to meet people.

One date every other year doesn’t cut it if you want to find love. Dating is a numbers game and you can’t get discouraged. Every bad date will lead you to finding your person.

5. Reach out to old friends and reconnect.

It doesn’t matter how much time has gone by. People are always thrilled to hear from a childhood friend, and as we get older, even more so.

6. Realize that there are people out there who love you and care for you—some who you might not even realize.

No one knows my pain? Yes they do. So many have been in the same position.

7. Travel if you can.

Seeing the world and different places and pieces of history is not only enriching, but people are always meeting friends and romantic interests on trips.

8. Let the memories of your parents (whether they are alive or not) be a comfort in your loneliness.

They still love you, even if they can’t call you and tell you that.

9. Have gratitude every day for basic things: health, food, shelter, even the beauty of the sky.

10. Never lose hope that things will change and you won’t always feel this way.

You could be walking down the street tomorrow and meet the man of your dreams, and maybe he has three kids and six grandchildren. Maybe he has this wonderful family that will welcome you with open arms. The only way you have a chance at this scenario is to keep living every day, following #’s 1-9.

Lastly, when you are feeling like no one cares, remember that I care! You can always write me and I will respond.

Like this blog post? Check out my article, “Loneliness: It Might Be The Worst Pain Someone Can Feel”


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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

3 Responses to “Advice For Divorced Woman Who Writes: No One Knows My Pain”

  1. cal

    This is a great article, humane, wise and kind. What a good website for people going through the process of divorce. Wish I’d known about it when i needed it.

  2. Laura

    I am seeking help with heartbreak after a six year relationship with a man I truly loved, shared so much connection and passion with, but had a very bad temper and was intolerant of my parenting style with my daughters (who are newly both in college). I hate myself for leaving him the day he yelled at me and told me to leave then took it back. I was so hurt by what he said and needed a day to process it. After which he refused to take me back. The dating world has been awful – I had no idea how hard and discouraging and depressing it wold be. And it made me realize even more that I should have sucked up his outbursts for the sake of all we did have. I wake up after terrible nights with head and body aches. I feel Im hopeless and deteriorating in all ways.


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