5 Reasons Sex on a First Date is a Bad Idea

sex on a first date

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

If you ask any woman and she’ll probably tell you that since she was a teenager, she’s always been told not to have sex on a first date. If you ask her why, she’ll most likely say it’s because her mother, or aunt or sister or friend told her that a guy wont call a girl back if he slept with her because she is easy and he has lost interest. I do not believe this to be true. However, I still think sex on a first date is a bad idea.

Here are five reasons why I feel this way:

1. It’s awkward and uncomfortable: 

The first time you have sex with ANYONE, no matter how long you’ve been together, the sex is usually  heart pounding and exciting. But, if you know the person a little bit, and you’ve been around them a few times before you have sex, the sex is less likely to be awkward.


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There’s a comfort level, anda sense of friendship (or love) that makes it so much more fulfilling and fun. Unless you don’t care if you ever see the person again (which let’s be honest, people say that a lot more than they really mean it) sex on a first date will most likely be more awkward than it would be if you wait a little while.

2. Waiting is great foreplay:

Having sex on a first date is like having dessert before dinner. How can you enjoy your delicious appetizers, salad and steak, if you’ve already had chocolate chip cheesecake? You might enjoy it, but not as much because you’re kind of full.

In other words, let the relationship build. It’s sexy and so much better when you take time to experience one another. If you spend time talking, holding hands, laughing together, getting to know things about one another, kissing and learning about each other’s pasts, the sex will mean so much more when it finally happens.

3. Less hurt if the relationship doesn’t work out?


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Let’s say you have sex on a first date and then you don’t hear from the guy? Or if you are the guy, what if you call and she doesn’t return your call? If you’ve slept with that person, you will feel so much worse. I once had a first date where the guy lived out of town, and came to visit me. He slept in my son’s bed, and we never even kissed, mostly because I wasn’t interested. I found out the next day that he was living with a woman! What if I would have really liked him and had sex with him?! I would have been devastated.

4. Waiting gives you self confidence and self esteem:

I might be old fashioned, but I think men and women who are strong enough to hold out and wait for the right time to have sex with someone are exhibiting more self control, they are thinking more clearly and objectively, and they have a certain grace and confidence, like they aren’t desperate, having the need to validate the relationship with sex.

They’re fine taking the emphasis off the physical part of the relationship and just saying, “Hey, for now, I just want to get to know this person to make sure it’s right for us to take it to the next level.” It’s mature, it’s smart and it’s sexy.

5. Sex clouds judgment:

There are studies that show that during sex, a chemical is released that makes you feel closer and more attracted to the person. Simply put, the sex makes you fall in love, which is really not good. You can’t see objectively when you are so involved in the physical part.


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What usually ends up happening is, later on, when the physical part starts to wane a bit, you realize you have nothing in common with the person. If you hadn’t slept with him or her, and you took time  to get to know them, you’d have broken up without having sex, and it wouldn’t have been so painful.

In closing, remember that every situation is different, and that there are exceptions. There may come a time when you are out with a guy and everything feels so right very early on, and you think back to this article and roll your eyes at me. I know many many couples who had sex on a first date and ended up married. But, most times, I’d say there are so many benefits to waiting on the physical part. After all, isn’t dessert the sweetest part of the meal?

Like this article? Check out, 10 Pieces of Advice for a New Relationship


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    Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

    Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

    One Response to “5 Reasons Sex on a First Date is a Bad Idea”

    1. Push Now to Reset

      Just found your blog and just read this first post. I am in the thick of it, although I have 6 days to go before he moves out.

      I agree with all these points. Especially 4 and 5. If we wait, then we know the other person is with us because they want to be, not just so they can get la*d. And I truly believe in #5. We don’t want to admit it, but it’s a proven fact.

      I might even add, don’t drink to much alcohol. That can turn a controlled situation into uncontrollable 🙂

      Look forward to continued reading.


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