If you ask any woman, she’ll tell you that people have been telling her since she was a teenager that she shouldn’t have sex on a first date. If you ask her why, she’ll most likely say it’s because her mother, or aunt or sister or friend told her that a guy wont call a girl back if he slept with her because she is easy and he has lost interest. I do not believe that is true.
In fact, I know happily married couples who slept together on their first date. But, I still think taking your clothes off with someone on a first date is a no no and here are 5 reasons why:
1. It’s awkward and uncomfortable: The first time you have sex with ANYONE, no matter how long you’ve been together, the sex is usually two things: one, very heart pounding and exciting, and two, awkward. But, it’s a heck of a lot less awkward and uncomfortable if you know the person a little bit, and you know they care about you somewhat. Then the awkwardness fades quickly, because there’s a comfort level, and a sense of friendship (or love) that makes it so much more fulfilling and fun. Unless you don’t care if you ever see the person again (which let’s be honest, people say that but they don’t really mean it) sex on a first date will most likely be more awkward than it would be if you wait a little while.
2. Waiting is great foreplay: Having sex on a first date is like having dessert before dinner. How can you enjoy your delicious appetizers, salad and steak, if you’ve already had chocolate chip cheesecake? You might enjoy it, but not as much. In other words, let the relationship build. It’s sexy and so much better when you take time to experience one another. If you spend time talking, hold hands, laughing together, getting to know things about one another, kissing and learning about each other’s pasts, the sex will mean so much more when it finally happens.
3. What if it doesn’t work out? Let’s say you sleep with someone on a first date and then you don’t hear from him? Or if you are the guy, what if you call and she doesn’t return your call? If you’ve slept with that person, you will feel so much worse! Right? I once had a first date where the guy lived out of town, and came to visit me. He slept in my son’s bed, and we never even kissed, mostly because I wasn’t interested. I found out the next day that he was living with a woman! What if I would have really liked him and slept with him?! I would have been devastated.
4. Waiting gives you self confidence and self esteem: I might be old fashioned, but I think men and women who are strong enough to hold out and wait for the right time to go to bed with someone are exhibiting more self control, they are thinking more clearly and objectively, and they have a certain grace and confidence, like they aren’t desperate, having the need to validate the relationship with sex. They’re fine taking the emphasis off the physical part of the relationship and just saying, “Hey, for now, I just want to get to know this person to make sure it’s right for us to take it to the next level.” It’s mature, it’s smart and it’s sexy.
5. Sex clouds judgment: There are studies that show that during sex, a chemical is released that makes you feel closer and more attracted to the person. Simply put, the sex makes you fall in love, which is really not good. You can’t see objectively when you are so involved in the physical part. And, what usually ends up happening is, later on, when the physical part starts to wane a bit, you realize you have nothing in common with the person. If you hadn’t slept with him or her, and you took time to get to know them, you’d have broken up without having sex, and it wouldn’t have been so painful.
Remember that every situation is different, there are exceptions, and there may come a time when you are out with a guy and everything feels so right, very early on, and you think back to this blog and roll your eyes at me. But, most times, I’d say there are so many benefits to waiting on the physical part. After all, isn’t dessert the sweetest part of the meal?