She’ll listen for hours and hours about your worries and your fears. She’ll sit with you while you cry. She’ll drink wine with you and come running to meet you at Starbucks whenever you need her. She’s your BFF and she’ll be there for you during your divorce. But, there’s one more thing she might do, and God bless her, she’s just trying to help: she’ll lie. Why? Because she wants to avoid you any further pain. So, beware: here are 5 lies divorced women hear from their girlfriends.
1. I never liked him. Remember in the early years how excited you were about him? Remember how you went on and on about how smart and kind and thoughtful he was? Your girlfriend didn’t just like him, she LOVED him, because she loves you, and she was happy to see you so happy. So, she did like him, and that’s okay. So did you!
2. He doesn’t even look good anymore. Yes, he does. Mr. Newly Single Man is working out and physically looks the best he’s looked in years. But, who cares?? Focus on how YOU look and feel.
3. You’ll be married again before he is. Men cannot be alone for two minutes. He will have a girlfriend very soon, and then she will become his wife. And according to the latest statistics, he could end up in the 77% of second marriages that end. You just take your time and date and have fun and meet new, interesting people. It will happen for you, too. (If that’s what you want.)
4. You don’t drink too much. A couple glasses of wine every night is healthy. When getting divorced, people tend to drink a lot to numb the pain and ease anxiety. PLEASE don’t fall into this. Divorcing men and women are very susceptible to alcohol addiction. Plus, you don’t need a DUI right now. Drinking is not okay every night for a long period of time.
5. Everyone knows the divorce wasn’t your fault. As your friends are telling you he was completely at fault, there are a whole set of people who are telling him that “he’s better off, they never liked you, etc. etc.” Don’t let that bother you. You aren’t campaigning for votes. There’s no contest. You have your friends, he has his. You have your side, he has his. And lastly, it doesn’t matter whose fault it was. It’s done, and the focus needs to be on your new life and your children, of course.
People always say “a true friend is an honest friend.” I believe that to be true. But I’ve seen the best of friends tell these lies because they desperately want to see their girlfriend heal and be happy. I have also said to my very best friends, “Please be honest with me.” That’s when the truth really comes out. It can be brutally painful, but in the end, it’s better! HONESTLY!
In closing, I want to bring up something else that starts happening when you are getting divorced.
People start calling you, or when you run into someone and tell them about the divorce, they say things to you about your ex. It usually starts with something like, “Remember that night we were all at that restaurant….?” And then they tell you a story about your ex that they would never have told you if you were still together.
You’ll hear things that you want and need to hear, because it validates that the divorce is the right thing, and yet it kills you to hear it. In other words, no one wants to hear someone say “Your ex was cheating on you,” or “Your ex was raving drunk and acted like a complete jerk,” or “Your ex hit on my wife,” or “Your ex cheated my company out of thousands of dollars” or “Your ex is dating my neighbor. His car is in the driveway every night.” And yet you do want and need to hear it. It can be confusing.
One of the hardest things during divorce is to focus on your own life, and stop focusing on HIM and what HE’s doing and who HE’s seeing and what HE said to you that pissed you off.
Just live your own life, focus on your kids and your career, and your health. And as time goes on, and you hear things about your ex, you won’t care so much. And your friends won’t have to lie to you anymore, because the vulnerable, insecure, divorced girl will eventually blossom, and when your ex comes up in conversation, you’ll find yourself breezing over that subject and moving on to what’s happening with YOU!