Divorced women know better than anyone the importance of good girlfriends you can trust during divorce. A true friend will listen to you for hours about your worries and fears. She’ll sit there with you while you cry. She’ll drink wine with you and come running to meet you at Starbucks whenever you need her. She’ll mean the world to you.
But, divorced women beware: there’s one more thing a really good friend might do, and God bless her, she’s just trying to help: she’ll lie. Why? Because she wants to avoid you any further pain. So, beware.
Here are 5 lies divorced women might hear from their girlfriends.
1. I never liked him.
Remember in the early years how excited you were about him? Remember how you went on and on about how smart and kind and thoughtful he was? Your girlfriend didn’t just like him, she LOVED him, because she loves you, and she was happy to see you so happy. So, she did like him, and that’s okay. So did you!
2. He doesn’t even look good anymore.
Maybe in some cases, this is true. But more than often Mr. Newly Single Man is working out and physically looks the best he’s looked in years. But, who cares?? Focus on how YOU look and feel.
3. You’ll meet someone before he does.
That might not be the case. Why? Because Men cannot be alone for two minutes. He might have a girlfriend 3 seconds after you split up. She may even become his second wife quicker than you can say prenup. Not your concern. You just take your time and date if you want and have fun and meet new, interesting people. It will happen for you, too. (If that’s what you want.)
4. A couple glasses of wine every night is fine.
When getting divorced, divorced women tend to drink a lot to numb the pain and ease anxiety. PLEASE don’t fall into this. Divorcing men and divorcing or divorced women are very susceptible to alcohol addiction. Plus, you don’t need a DUI right now. Drinking wine is not okay every night for a long period of time.
5. Everyone knows the divorce wasn’t your fault and they hate him.
As your friends are telling you he was completely at fault, there are a whole set of people who are telling him that “he’s better off, they never liked you, etc. etc.” Don’t let that bother you. You aren’t campaigning for votes. There’s no contest. You have your friends, he has his. As for mutual friends, some will take his side, some will take yours, and some will try to stay neutral (although that is very challenging.) Also, it doesn’t matter whose fault the divorce was or who wanted the divorce. Honestly. Try not to think about it (I know that’s not easy) but the focus moving forward needs to be on your new life and your children, of course.
People always say “a true friend is an honest friend.” I believe that to be true. But I’ve seen the best of friends tell these lies because they desperately want to see their girlfriend happy. I have also said to my very best friends, “Please be honest with me.” It can be brutally painful, but in the end, I would rather know the truth.
During my divorce, I had friends tell me: they saw my ex out on a date, the guy I liked wasn’t into me, and that a neighbor told a whole group of people that she didn’t understand why I was getting divorced and that there must be something wrong with me. I was devastated by all three of these truths, but I’m glad I knew.
I also ran into a friend who said, “I heard you’re getting divorced. I’m so sorry…” She then told me a story about my ex that she would not have told me if I was still married. Not sure if I really needed to hear that one.
But, hearing truthful things that aren’t so great does have its advantages. Although it might kill you to hear it, it validates that the divorce is the right thing.
One of the hardest things during divorce is not thinking about what your ex is doing, who he is with, if he’s happy. But, that can only cause a person anxiety and sadness.
Try to just live your own life, focus on your kids, your career, and your health. And as time goes on, and you hear things about your ex, you won’t care so much. And your friends won’t have to lie to you anymore because the vulnerable, insecure, divorced girl will eventually blossom, and when your ex comes up in conversation, you’ll find yourself breezing over that subject and moving on to better things to talk about.