Divorce Advice: Meeting Your Ex’s New Girl

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

There she is, all smiles, happy and glowing. Her hair is perfect. You know she spent at least an hour primping. Her nails are flawless, even her toenails aren’t chipping. This girl has prepped to the hilt. She’s still in that phase of her relationship when she’s got to look perfect for every date.The biggest thing: She’s got that look on her face. You know the one. It’s the look of being completely in love, and the reason you know it so well is that you once had this look. And now, your ex’s new girlfriend has it! She gazes at him when he speaks. He can say nothing that isn’t brilliant. She giggles every time he makes a joke, even if it isn’t funny. And the worst one, he looks at her the exact same way.It doesn’t matter if your ex dumped you, or you were the one who broke up.  In either scenario, meeting the new girlfriend is brutal. I know because I experienced it.Here is some divorce advice that might make a difference.

So, here do’s and don’ts that I can share that might make things easier when you come face to face with your old guy’s new gal.

  • Don’t be rude! Actually, be really, really nice. There are several reasons I feel this way. First of all, if you have kids, (which I do) they will appreciate this and it will make them so happy that everyone is getting along, that you feel like biting the bullet and being friendly is completely worth it just for that reason. Other reasons you should be more than polite: it will not only make everyone have respect for you, but you will have respect for yourself. You’ll feel great, trust me! Walk right up to her and shake her hand. Even if it’s difficult, do it! You can’t lose.
  • Do remember that even if she wasn’t in the picture, you and your guy would not be together, so there’s no reason to be bitter or jealous. And, if he broke up with you for her, just keep telling yourself that there is an amazing guy waiting for you and at some point, you will meet him. Be patient and trust it.
  • Don’t be overly nice and/or fake to the point of being obnoxious. Be really sweet, but keep your distance a little bit. Everyone knows you’re not going to be best friends with her.
  • Do remember that she is now the proud new owner of a relationship with his family!! LOL! Tell yourself how much fun she’s going to have dealing with your ex-mother-in-law!
  • Don’t compare yourself with her physically. She might be really pretty and that’s okay. Did you expect your ex to date a dog? Try to focus on the physical things you like about yourself. Have you been eating healthy? Is your stomach a little flatter? Do you like your new haircut? The lipstick everyone tells you looks so great on you? Just like yourself. It’s okay if the girl is cute.
  • Do try to be happy for your ex. Obviously, the two of you don’t get along (or you’d still be together). But, try to remember the good in him and what you used to love about him, and realize that those are the things she probably loves about him. And lastly…
  • Do remember that the things about him that bugged the crap out of you will surely start to bug her if they don’t already. He isn’t going to be a different person with her. He’s going to be him. Whether she can take it for the long haul remains to be seen. You couldn’t. Maybe she can. But, it doesn’t matter. Focus on yourself, your own life, and your own love life.

And one more thing…it helps when your friends are there and they tell you that you are a lot cuter than her! (even if they’re just saying it to be nice.)

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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

8 Responses to “Divorce Advice: Meeting Your Ex’s New Girl”

  1. Ann Flood

    Love #1 and #4! Remember: new relationships are always so great because they haven’t started paying bills together, sharing a bathroom, raising kids, splitting housework, and on and on and on.

  2. Courtney

    this really helped. i cried and laughed while I read it. oh yeah #myimmortal was playing in the background

  3. Ghazaleh

    Just found out my ex is dating someone and it really hurt. My first instinct was to be mean but I realized I would only be making myself look like the bitter ex wife. I read your article at the perfect time 🙂

  4. Deborah

    I love this post. I see my ex from time to time at work, and today he asked for a “chat”. One item was to tell me about his latest serious girlfriend, who I also see occasionally. Now, during lunch hour, I snatch a bit of your blog to help me deal with the news. Thank you. I always feel better after reading it. And this post I love.


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