What We Can Learn About Safe Sex From Charlie Sheen

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

Charlie Sheen seemed really nervous during his interview this morning with Matt Lauer on Today. And rightfully so. Telling the world you are HIV positive can’t be easy.


I deeply respect Sheen’s immense courage to come out and talk about HIV, his health and how it is impacting his life because by doing so, I bet he helped so many men and women living with the virus. But, equally or more importantly, Sheen coming out of the closet could prevent countless people from contracting HIV. How? Because Sheen just scared the crap out of everyone, and maybe people who don’t practice safe sex will start doing so. I can only hope.


I have written several articles on the importance of using condoms to prevent the spread of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Sometimes I think people who are older and divorced don’t really think STD’s affect their demographic, and so they don’t use condoms. But, here is my philosophy.


While going through a divorce, people do things they wouldn’t normally do. I’m not speaking for everyone, but most men and women I know (including myself) have done stupid things they wouldn’t have otherwise done if they weren’t under the stress that comes with being newly separated. It’s a really crazy, sad, depressing, scary time, leaving people susceptible to bad choices. Bad choices can include excessive drinking, drugs, gambling, one night stands, sexual promiscuity and having sex with prostitutes.


For example, let’s say there is a really really sweet, suburban divorced man over 40, a great dad who was once a committed family man until his wife told him she wanted a divorce. The guy’s buddies take him to Vegas and he has a one night stand. He is very drunk and doesn’t use a condom. This guy could realize it was a really stupid mistake and never do it again, but guess what? A year later, he starts not feeling well (like Charlie Sheen), gets tested and finds out he has HIV. Maybe since that time, he is now dating a divorced, suburban woman and they are in love, and exclusively dating and sleeping together without protection. Now, the woman may have contracted HIV. Isn’t that a scary scenario?


So, I think the lesson we can learn from Sheen is that having unprotected sex, even with one person can have really bad consequences, which is why I stress using condoms until you know you are exclusive, and until both people have been tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.


The only thing that bothered me about Sheen’s interview was when Lauer asked him if that whole set of “Winning!” interviews was the result of his learning he was HIV positive (which happened a few years ago.) Sheen said no, but I don’t believe him. This was his chance to say, “Yes, I was really messed up because when you find out you have HIV, you can go into a drug and alcohol rampage to try to soothe the shock and pain and all the other devastating feelings you are having.”


Sheen, who has been married and divorced twice, I believe, said in the interview that he was no longer doing drugs, but that he was “still drinking a little.” Well guess what? An alcoholic can’t “drink a little.” In my opinion, Sheen’s drug and alcohol addictions are a worse problem than having HIV. And until he looks in the mirror and realizes he needs treatment, he can only help the world so much as far as being a spokesperson for HIV. (Not that I’m saying that’s what he wants to be.) But, he has a real chance here to do something really great for humanity, which is spread the word about HIV, talk about it, educate people and reduce the stigma for this horrible virus. He can’t do that if he’s a drunk or drug addict.


I do want to end this on a good note, by saying that what Sheen did this morning was really really significant and important, and for that reason I admire him. I bet it was a huge relief on his part, and who knows? Maybe his coming out will lead to the guts he needs to conquer his addictions. But to my readers, I hope he helped you realize the importance of safe sex and how one slip up can have dire life consequences. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge fan of sex and enjoying yourself--especially after you’ve been through the heartache of divorce. Just be smart about it.

Like the blog? Click here to read my blog, “Dating Advice: 10 Reasons you might not hear from him.”





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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

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