Thinking About Divorce? Here’s Something That Might Help

thinking about divorce

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

If you and your spouse are thinking about divorce, I know it isn’t a decision that comes easily. I remember a therapist telling me that many couples split up and get back together several times before actually deciding divorce is the best option for them. The decision to get divorced is brutally painful and agonizing, and sometimes I feel like that was the one of the hardest parts of my whole divorce.

I recently found out about a process called discernment, which seems to be a great option for couples facing the dilemma of whether or not they should try to stay together or get divorced. Discernment is a form of therapy where couples don’t try to fix their problems, but instead go through a process that is designed to help them make the determination of which path to take. It is the subject of this week’s Love Essentially column, published in the Chicago tribune Pioneer Press.

Stay Together or Split? A Method to Help Couples Decide by Jackie Pilossoph for Chicago Tribune Media Group

It’s been almost 10 years and I still vividly remember how tormenting, difficult, and complicated it was for my ex and me to decide which path to take: stay together or get divorced? Since then, I hear the same dilemma from countless men and women, all who just want to be happy, but who face a monumental choice that will greatly affect the rest of their lives and the lives of their children.

So when I happened to be talking with a friend of mine, who told me she knows a therapist who offers “discernment counseling” – a process that helps couples decide whether or not to work things out or get divorced – my ears perked up. (Click here to read the rest of the article, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press.)

Like this article? Read my blog, “Did I do the Right Thing? Newly Separated Woman Offers Advice.”


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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

2 Responses to “Thinking About Divorce? Here’s Something That Might Help”

  1. Matt Ingham

    To date I’ve represented more than 500 clients in family court. In my opinion based on my experiences with my clients, ‘discernment counseling’ is a great idea. Choosing to ‘make the hard decision’ requires the spouse to make what is quite possibly the toughest decision of their life because choosing to end a marriage is the type of decision that will have life altering consequences.
    Matt Ingham

  2. sarahjason

    its really an epidemic with the recent rise in divorce,statistically speaking 50% of marriages end up in divorce and as a result it also shows that the children suffers the loss more than the separating parents,actually it ought not to be so. Most of us human do take most things less serious and normal,blaming others for your deficiency and incapability. Take note these problems are not canal events but of spirituals which therefore means it should be fought in the spiritual. Before now i used to take things less serious not until i beared the torture of losing my dear husband,right before my eyes it happed so sudden,it was unexplainable and unbearable. i can remember many times i wanted to take my life,the depression was weighing me down too much but because of my kid i decided not to give up so soon without a fight,i was raised in a foster home and i cannot bear the guilt knowing my kid might be taken to foster homes if i was no more,i definitely know how it feels when not raised with your parents.I decided to fight for him taken back what rightfully belongs to me(my Husband) because i knew deep down he his no longer on his right senses,i mean this is the man that woed me for almost a year till i finally fall for his funny jokes and smiles but how come he suddenly changed he no longer want to see or talk to me,it dawn on me that it is no longer ordinary but spiritual. With years of searching for solutions i finally won him with spiritual fight which he came back begging in tears how dearly he want me back. Its been 11 years now since we reconciled and no more quarrels or arguments though at times we do have our difference which is normal and being dealt with immediately. feel free to reach me on to share your problems and i will be disclosing useful informations on how to win your spouse back contact me if interested, I cant disclose it all here because vital informations are meant for privacy use only.


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