Sleeping In Separate Bedrooms: Is It Snoring or Lack Of Love?

sleeping in separate bedrooms

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

People’s first reaction to hearing about a couple sleeping in separate bedrooms is to assume they are headed for divorce. While that might be true for some couples, there is an overwhelming number of couples who are sleeping in separate bedrooms for another reason: snoring and other sleep issues that might keep the other person up.

This is the topic of my Love Essentially column, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. I offer advice for those sleeping in separate bedrooms, both for snoring and for relationship conflict.


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Advice For Couples Sleeping In Separate Bedrooms by Jackie Pilossoph for Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press.

Maybe it’s because I’m a relationship columnist (plus a true romantic at heart), but when my girlfriend told me that she and her husband recently started sleeping in separate bedrooms, I felt really, really sad for them. In my mind, hearing “separate bedrooms” equated to them being disconnected, distant and living like roommates instead of life partners. And, if there was marital discord, separate bedrooms would only drive them further apart. I was expecting to hear the word “divorce” in the next 60 seconds.



But then my friend talked me off the ledge, telling me the problem with the sleeping arrangements in her home have nothing to do with the marriage and everything to do with “intense snoring.”

“It was keeping me up all night, tossing and turning to the point I felt exhausted every day,” my friend said. “It was awful. I could barely function with so little sleep. I feel much better since we did this.”

Although I felt great relief that the problem lie not in the marriage but rather in her husband’s nasal passages, I had to wonder: Can separate bedrooms turn into a sexless marriage? Can sleeping apart lead to growing apart?

Click here to read the rest of the article, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press.

Like this article? Check out my blog post: “Having An Affair? How’s That Working Out For You?”


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    Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

    Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

    One Response to “Sleeping In Separate Bedrooms: Is It Snoring or Lack Of Love?”

    1. Matt Ingham

      Chances are high it’s a little bit of both causes but the ‘lack of love’ naturally occurs at various periods of time, off and on, during a marriage.


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