Resentment: The Root of All Causes of Divorce


Gmail

Linked in

There are so many different causes of divorce. Some of the biggies I hear are cheating, substance abuse, growing apart and not getting along. But, I believe that all causes of divorce are symptoms of a much larger “root”, which is resentment.

Every single couple on earth, from the happiest to the most miserable has some resentment. It starts the day we meet our spouse and continues through until the day one of the people dies (maybe even after.)

Resentment is impossible not to have, if you think about it. Little things about our spouses bug us, and cause some negative feelings, and if we addressed every single thing to that person, we would have something to say every day! So, it’s probably best to hold it in, unless it’s something that affects the relationship, but even then, is it worth stirring the pot about something you resent if your relationship is relatively good, and it isn’t that big of a deal to you? Yes and no.

Resentment, also known as bitterness is defined in Wikipedia as: the experience of a negative emotion, anger or hatred for instance, felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong done.

The best way to really define resentment is to give examples. Let’s say you and your spouse have a five month old, and you, as the woman have been changing the baby’s diapers and waking up with the baby for midnight feedings the entire time. Your spouse has never offered to get up with the baby. You are beyond exhausted. Every time you get back into bed after a late night feeding, you see your husband sleeping peacefully and you resent that. But, that’s just the way it’s always been, and he is the one working, so you say nothing. Five years later, you still resent it. In fact, you will resent that your entire life. Does that mean you will end up divorced? Not at all. It’s just a fact that you will hold a little bit of resentment about that forever. Even if you go to marriage therapy and bring it up, that helps, but it’s still there and probably always will be. People have a hard time forgetting.

Another example of resentment: Let’s say you’ve been married for 10 years and all of a sudden, your husband starts making new friends and wants to go out with them. He suddenly starts drinking more than he used to, and stays out really late with these guys. He swears he isn’t cheating, but more and more, you find yourself home alone on Saturday nights. Six months later, he gets tired of going out and drinking, and stops. But, you have resentment for the past. And again, bringing it out in therapy might help, but therapy can’t erase history.

Here’s the point of this article: how you choose to handle your resentment could be the difference between whether or not you get divorced.

I think that when people feel resentment, they can act out in several different ways:

  1. Cheating
  2. Drugs or alcohol use to tame their resentment
  3. Acting blatantly angry and rude to their spouse
  4. Passive aggressive behavior: sugary sweet on the outside, cutting on the inside

Kind of like, “it’s payback time,” whether they even realize what they are doing or not.

My advice would be that if you are feeling resentful about anything, try therapy. It isn’t a cure all, but it really does help. And, if you end up doing one of the above 4 things, try to figure out if in fact you are doing it out of resentment, and what that resentment is specifically. Understanding your emotions and what is motivating the behavior is key to stopping the behavior.

Resentment is a little bit like cancer. It sits there and then it begins to grow, until it is completely out of control if you don’t treat it. It’s tricky and manipulative.

People often say, “I just don’t even care anymore,” but I think they do. I think they build a barrier of self-protection because they feel beaten down, the resentment so deep in their core that they think it’s too late.

My last piece of advice on resentment is to talk to the person who caused it: the one you love. Telling him or her in a nice way can be productive. Telling him or her that you are trying to get rid of it is a better way of handling resentment than by sleeping with someone else to even the score on something in your mind.

And remember that if you get divorced, it is a certainty that you will have resentment of some type in your next relationship. It’s impossible not to. Not saying that relationship won’t work out either, just be prepared, and try to learn from the past.

call_to_action_smiling


Gmail

Linked in

Author: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling offers advice, inspiration and hugs. If you want a Cinderella story, be your own fairy godmother. You're the only one who can pick out that perfect glass slipper!

19 Responses to “Resentment: The Root of All Causes of Divorce”

  1. james agnes

    Please read my testimony, it can bring solution to the problems you are
    facing in life. I met this spell caster Dr Mojo online and read the
    testimonies of many persons witnessing how he has help them solve problems
    of any kind such as fibroid without surgery, Infertility, cure of diabetes,
    breast cancer, weak erection, regulation of menstruation and pains, stroke,
    HIV / AIDS, successful interview and work examination, political
    achievement, recovery of lost money, quick sales in business or commerce,
    choice of good marriage partner, power to bring your ex back, stopping your
    man or woman having affair outside your relationship or marriage, power to
    win pool, lottery, visa approval, reduction of sagging breast, gun
    protecting spiritual ring, promotion at work etc … I contacted him
    through his WhatsApp instant messenger with the phone number +27797427509.I
    was absolutely desperate to have my husband back. Life without my husband
    was a pain for me and my children. I wanted a drastic change and I thought
    that only magic can be the only solution because he was so cruel towards
    me. After discussing my problem with Dr Mojo, he gave me hope that my
    marriage shall be restored. He gave me confidence that he will make my
    husband to come home and he did It! It was a great miracle, He never asked
    for money before helping me, all he requested for was some few items i had
    to purchase, and i provided these items immediately, he performed the spell
    and my marriage was restored immediately. His help is invaluable! I do not
    know what I could have done without Dr Mojo, he does his job well, his
    powers are so real and effective, I think he is the best caster I can count
    on when it comes spells, although at first I never believed in magic until
    I had to try, I think there are many who are depressed, desperate and want
    this spell to return their happiness, so I have to use this medium to reach
    all those who are facing one problem or the other. Contact him immediately
    and I can guarantee that your problems are solved. You can also contact him
    via emailaddress;solutioncentre1960@gmail.com
    website;www.drmojosolutioncentre.com, for quick response call him or
    message him through Whatsapp instant messenger with his number+27797427509.
    Good luck, i hope you find your heart desires.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *