Relationship Deal Breakers: What are YOURS?

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

What is a relationship deal breaker? Just what it sounds like. Relationship deal breakers are things that makes a person decide to break up. A deal breaker can be something the person does that is disappointing, scary, sad, annoying or even horrifying. You know the person isn’t going to change, or you have asked the person to change and he or she can’t or won’t so the only option is out!

Everyone’s relationship deal breakers are unique personal choices. Things they can/want to live with and things they can’t/wont.

I know what my deal breakers are, but I was curious to hear what others had to say on the subject. So, I reached out to over 3,000 men and women on Facebook and asked.

Here are the 20 most popular relationship deal breakers:

1. Cheating.

2. Dishonesty

3. Smoking

4. Someone trying to change me

5. Harsh critic

6. Big drinker

7. Lazy

8. Someone who hasn’t evolved or done the work on himself/herself

9. Someone who lives with his mother

10. A pot smoker


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11. Someone who thinks sex is an annoying obligation

12. Abusive

13. A guy who wears jean shorts

14. Someone who values money over love

15. Someone who is mean

16. Someone who is dirty/slovenly

17. Nutty family

18. Arrogance


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19. Someone prone to addictions

20. Someone unemployed for long periods of time

Some of these might seem silly. Others are serious issues. But all are qualities, habits, addictions, character flaws or circumstances that people just can’t or simply don’t want to live with.

Remember this. In every romantic relationship, there are things about the other person that bother us, annoy us and even drive us a little crazy. He leaves his dirty socks on the floor. She takes two hours to get ready for a party. He is glued to the couch during football season with the exception of answering the door for the pizza delivery guy.

Perfection in any relationship is impossible, but if we love someone enough, we are wiling to overlook certain things and instead appreciate all the wonderful attributes that make it work.

In closing, so as not to dwell on negativity, I decided to ask this same group of people what their deal sealers are – in other words, what factors would have them diving into a relationship?

Responses included:

1. Someone who actually does what they say they are going to do

2. Someone with quiet confidence who is happily self-reliant, present focused and sees the humor in being human

3. Loyal, honest and willing to work through issues

4. Confident



5. Consistency

6. Someone who likes me for who I am

7. Someone who makes me feel loved and protected

8. Someone I respect and look up to

9. Someone I feel I can trust as much as I trust my own family

10. A giver

In closing, remember to NEVER settle and ignore your relationship dealbreakers. That’s how you either end up miserable in your relationship and/or divorced. Keep seeking your deal sealers!! You deserve that.

Like this article? Check out “9 Signs of a Healthy Romantic Relationship”


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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

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