One Reason For Divorce: I Love My Husband But I Don’t Like Him

I love my husband but I don't like him

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

There are many reasons people get divorced, but for the purpose of this article, let’s exclude the biggie deal breakers: cheating, addiction, or verbal and physical abuse. But what happens when someone decides to get divorced because they have a lack of like? What do I mean by that? I’m talking about the person who says, “I love my husband but I don’t like him.”

 

Katz and Stefani Family Law Attorneys

 

I think it’s really really easy to fall in love with someone and to love that person. You have hot sex at the beginning of a relationship, and you might begin to care for the person deeply as time goes by. You begin to love them like a family member.

What’s really really  hard to find (I think it’s harder to find than love) is someone you truly like.

What do I mean by “like?” I mean, someone you enjoy being around, someone who is easy to be with, someone who acts like your best friend, someone who is likable, someone who you have fun with, someone you respect, someone you look at and think ‘Everyone likes him,’ and someone you think is a really good person.

I honestly think like is more important than love. I think “like” leads to great sex, love, trust, respect, and loyalty.

Like is more powerful than love. Like is what makes a relationship withstand the test of time.

Do you like being with the person, just hanging out doing nothing? Do you enjoy having conversations with the person? Do you respect his or her values and ethical standards? Does he/she make you laugh? Do you just plain old like being in the same room?

People who genuinely like each other have a better chance of not falling out of love with someone.

 

The Center for Divorce Recovery

 

The thing is, no one loves a good love story more than I do. I’m a huge fan of that period of time (which could last forever) when the relationship is exciting and fun and romantic. The candle lit dinner dates where you sit and drink wine and talk for hours, the times you get home and rip each other’s clothes off, the hugs where you want to squeeze the person for a year and not let go.

But I think if you truly like the person, those feelings of infatuation, physical attraction, respect and love never fade.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. I love him more than anyone I’ve ever loved in my life. But, I liked him from day one and I still like him. That drives the attraction and my wish to commit to him forever.

So, for those who say “I love my husband but I don’t like him,” you have two choices: find those likable parts, find the like, or split up. Without like, you can’t be a happy couple.

Like this article? Check out, “Dating After Divorce: Advice, Tips and Why This is an Exciting Time.”

 

Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph

 

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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

One Response to “One Reason For Divorce: I Love My Husband But I Don’t Like Him”

  1. SF74

    This post resonates with me so much. It has been hard some days even talking about the “Why?” and “What Happened?” with people. It was a bunch of little things and a few huge things, and then one day I remember just turning into a robot. And, I was a robot for about a year, knowing that one day I would just break. I couldn’t pretend to be the happy wife anymore, and by the time I entered the therapist’s office, my mind was only on one thing: How do I get out of this and find a really happy life?

    I was staying for our two boys, and I knew that. And, I finally realized I just had to break free. And, I felt horrible, but there was nothing left. The feelings were completely gone. And, I DID try. I was the only one trying. The only one working. The only one being healthy and holding it all together, and finally one day all the resentment and anger and exhaustion took over and I just said, “Enough.”

    So, liking your spouse is so very important. And, so is passion and a feeling that you really cannot live without this person in your life, because they make you better. That was not the case. I am happy I left, even though it is the most difficult thing I have ever done. But, the good news is I am not a robot anymore. Thank GOD for that.

    Reply

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