I can’t count the number of women who complain that their husband or boyfriend wants sex all the time, and they’re just too tired or too busy to be interested. I bet if I asked any marriage therapist, he or she would tell me that one of the big marital issues they hear in couple’s therapy is that men want more sex in marriage.
Switching gears, it is very common to hear men complain that their wives or significant others don’t want to sleep with them. I’ve heard men actually joke about it in front of their wives or significant others!
This got me thinking that maybe I should enlighten men on what women are thinking, and how if you are willing to put in a little bit of effort, you can have more sex with us.
Let me start by saying, no woman wants to have sex with a man who is mean to her, who belittles her, who ignores her, or who doesn’t seem to care. Just sayin… So, if you have a fight, or you said something or did something mean to her, just apologize. That works! Just say, “I’m really sorry.”
With that said, here are my suggestions on how you can get us into bed more often and with more enthusiasm!
1. Date us. Most women make plans for she and her husband for the weekends. She has the calendar and schedules your family get-togethers and couple’s nights out. Take it upon yourself to plan a date. Tell your wife/girlfriend to leave Saturday night open. Then, look at Open Table or get a good restaurant recommendation from a friend and make a reservation. It doesn’t take that much effort, but we appreciate this kind of planning. It shows us that you care and are looking forward to being with us.
2. Write us a nice note or a buy us a card. “I just wanted to let you know how much I love and care for you. You are my best friend…” As a woman, if I read this from my significant other, I’m ALL OVER him!
3. Flowers. Please don’t roll your eyes on this one. Women love flowers. It is such a thoughtful gesture.
4. Offer to watch the kids while we go do something fun. If you have little kids or babies, your wife will appreciate this probably more than anything else. And she’ll remember when you guys go to bed at night.
5. Give us a back rub or back scratch. There is something about non-sexual touching that makes women feel closer and more connected to her guy. It makes us feel cherished and loved and pretty and yes, sexy.
6. Watch a movie that we want to watch. I have this picture in my head of a guy holding the remote and channel surfing while the woman has to sit there and watch whatever he decides to stop and watch. This probably includes ESPN, some game that happens to be on, Family Guy and possibly the history channel or the food channel (depending on the guy). Wouldn’t it be nice to just say, “Honey, let’s watch one of your favorite movies tonight. “Sex and the City,” or a Nora Ephron or Nancy Meyers movie is what you’ll probably get. But, you’ll also probably get sex!
7. Offer to do the dishes or laundry. Women get tired. But, they just keep going. We don’t even think about not cleaning up or letting the laundry pile up. We just keep doing what needs to be done. One night after dinner, why not say, “Go sit down and relax, I’ll clean this up.” That is thoughtful. And thoughtful acts make us love our guy, thus we want him to touch us.
8. Hold us. Remember that scene in “When Harry Met Sally” (a Nora Ephron movie, by the way) where Billy Crystal asks Meg Ryan, “How long do you like to be held after sex? All night, right? See, that’s your problem, somewhere between 15 minutes and all night is your problem.” And Meg Ryan responds, “I don’t have a problem.” Look, it is what it is. Women like to be held. A lot. Do what we like and we’ll do what you like. It’s pretty simple.
9. Hold our hand in public. There’s no bigger turn on for women then when we see that our guy isn’t afraid to be public about his feelings for us. This hasn’t changed since high school. Hold our hand in public, or put your arm around us and our heart jumps. We love it. It makes us feel like you are proud to be with us.
10. Give us a compliment. “You look really pretty right now.” “I like the way you’ve been wearing your hair.” “Those jeans make your body look really good.” If you give us compliments, it somewhat validates all our hard work at the gym and other efforts to look good. Men don’t realize this, but we do it for you! Sure, we do it for other people too, but you are included in that. So, a compliment makes us feel like you are looking and noticing us, and that you still care.
11. Thank us. Just turn to your woman and say, “I know you work really hard taking care of the kids. I just want to say thanks.” You don’t have to say it everyday, but say it from time to time. Don’t assume your wife knows that. Or “Thanks for being my girlfriend. I feel really lucky.” If that doesn’t get a girl to want to have sex with you, than I don’t know what else will!
Here’s another benefit. If you do these things to your woman, and then she starts sleeping with you more, she is also going to start doing nice things for you, too. I swear by this. No one is keeping score, but if you make the effort with kind acts and gestures, she will too.