Dating Advice: He will Love You when YOU Love You

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

dating advice

In my Love Essentially column, published yesterday in Sun-Times Media Local, I offer dating advice in sort of a backhanded kind of way, by talking about the effect your body image and self-love has on your love life.

No. 1 Song Sends Powerful Message about Self-Love by Jackie Pilossoph

It’s the song that currently has me dancing around my kitchen like a junior high school girl, but there’s another reason I’m giddy about “All About That Bass,” America’s No. 1 song for the second week in a row: The lyrics.

As a writer, I listen closely to the words of songs, and I think songwriters Meghan Trainor and Kevin Kadish deserve a medal for sending a refreshing, inspiring and desperately needed message to girls and women everywhere, including myself, who somewhere along the line decided their body wasn’t good enough unless they wore a size 2.

The lyrics include lines such as:

• “My mama she told me don’t worry about your size.”

• “I won’t be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll.”

• “I know you think you’re fat but I’m here to tell ya every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top,”

The pop and doowop song with a tinge of hip hop is basically saying to us, “Guess what? It’s wrong that societal pressure has made us believe we are fat and ugly unless our bodies look like the ones in magazines, movies or on TV, and that no guy is going to love us unless we have the body of a celebrity or fashion model.”

Being someone who has struggled with weight and body image for decades, I can personally say that learning to accept, appreciate and nurture my body is ironically the best weight loss secret I can share. In other words, I stopped caring. I’m not saying you should eat and drink whatever you’d like all the time, stop working out and not worry if you start to gain weight, but rather switch your focus from trying to LOOK good to a goal of FEELING good.

I recently spent several weeks as a client of Christopher Brady, a Winnetka-based wellness and nutrition coach. In my opinion, he should basically put a microphone in his hand and start singing “All About that Bass” to his clients, because his message is so similar.

“Ninety percent of clients I see have a negative body image,” said Brady, who holds a degree in nutrition, as well as certifications as a corrective exercise specialist and a fitness and nutrition specialist. “I tell people, ‘We don’t want to focus on the number on the scale, but rather how good you are feeling.’ The byproduct of that attitude is a better looking body.”

Brady said stress related to body image can actually prevent weight loss, as it can cause the hormone, cortisol to rise, which affects the metabolism.

“I tell people, ‘If you crave it, eat it,’” he said. “If you allow your body to have what it wants, your brain will check it off a list, and the next time you are exposed to it, you probably won’t want it.”

I once read an article that stated men see women 10 pounds lighter than they actually are. So, there you have it. You just lost 10 pounds!

The advice I want to give to any woman, whether single, married, widowed or divorced is that loving yourself, which includes loving your body leads to finding love. In other words, he will like you when you like you. Or, as Meghan Trainor sings, when you’ve got that “boom boom that all the boys chase!”


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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

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