Can’t Get A Date? 10 Things to do if You Are in a Dating Dry Spell

can't get a date

By Jackie Pilossoph, Founder, Divorced Girl Smiling, the place to find trusted, vetted divorce professionals, a podcast, website and mobile app.

Whenever there’s a thunderstorm, it always ends. So does a drought, a snowstorm, a hurricane, or even an earthquake. Guess what? So does a dating dry spell! I know this from experience. So, if you feel like you can’t get a date to save your life, read on!


Before I was married, and then again after I got divorced, I can remember times when I couldn’t meet a guy to save my life. It just seemed so helpless, like there wasn’t a man on earth who was interested in dating me. I’d go out with friends, and no one would look at me. All my old boyfriends seemed blissfully happy and off the market, and even my ex moved on and was in love.


These times were really depressing and lonely, and I felt unattractive, alone and non-desirable. Looking back, I wish I could have just learned to enjoy my life during these times. I should have been taking advantage of all the free time I had not worrying about a guy (or not having a guy.)


Karen Covy - Live the life you truly want to live.


Here are 10 things you can do if you feel like you can’t get a date, and are in a dating dry spell (just until it ends.)

1.    READ:

How much fun is it to browse Amazon, or go into a Barnes & Noble and look for books?Once you get into a book and you love it, you will want to read more and more and more. And before you know it, you feel smarter, and more worldly, and more interesting and deeper as a person. Then, when you meet someone, you will be well read, which is a very attractive quality.


Alyssa Dineen -
Online Dating Coach and Stylist


 2.    WRITE:

Writing works for me, but I just happen to be a writer. But even if you aren’t, writing can be a very fulfilling activity. Journaling, or writing poetry or short stories can really put a smile on your face, or make you cry in a good way, or help you heal. Expressing yourself can never be a bad thing, and writing brings a feeling of productivity which is great for self-esteem.


 3.    Reconnect with old friends:

How great does it feel to get back in touch with someone you haven’t seen or talked to in a long time? It’s fun! You have the time, so why not? You don’t have to rekindle the friendship to best friend status, but why not reach out and see how an old friend is doing? Also, it won’t just benefit YOU, chances are, it will make the other person feel really good!


4.    Get involved in a cause you believe in:

There is nothing more fulfilling and no better way to obtain self-love than through volunteer work. Find a cause that you love and put your heart into it. You will fall in love with it, and with yourself for your hard work and dedication. Trust me, you won’t be thinking about your dry spell.


Tiffany Hughes Law




 5.    Take up golf:

This is a great game that involves skill, concentration, and beautiful scenery. Great way to meet men, too! I recently fell in love with golf.


6.    Go to museums you’ve never gone to:

Don’t wait for a guy to see that exhibit you’ve never seen. Go yourself! I love going to museums by myself. It’s one of the best things to do alone because there’s so much looking and reading and studying, and when you just get into it, you won’t be thinking about the fact that you’re not on a date.

 7.    Make three new recipes every week:

I love the smell of food, the productivity and sense of accomplishment I get when I cook. It makes me feel really good to cook healthy, delicious recipes! Don’t know why I don’t do it more often! But if you are in a dry spell, you have time! Cooking brings joy. Try it!


The Center for Divorce Recovery




8.    Start reading the newspaper (or online news) every day for 30 minutes:

Want to get really knowledgeable in a very short period of time? Minimal reading of the newspaper (print or online) will do that for you. It’s so interesting to learn about things that aren’t on television or radio news. It really becomes addicting, and gets your mind off men, and on important, interesting issues.


9.    Reorganize your house:

I always feel so much better when I clean out even one drawer or closet. It makes me feel organized, and it makes me like where I live more. Try one thing every week. By the time your dry spell is over, you will be loving your house.


10. Take a road trip:

No airfares and not much pre-planning are needed for a road trip. But, they can turn out to be just as much fun, or just as relaxing as a trip to Mexico. Go online and find some attractions that are within a couple hours of where you live. Grab a friend and spend the night. Or go alone. A getaway is a great recharge.


Here’s the thing about dry spells. What typically happens is, you can’t get a date and you’re in a dry spell. Then, one day, you meet someone. You just do. And then you look back and you say to yourself, “I can’t believe that a week ago, I didn’t know him.” And everything seems perfect.


Cherie Morris, J.D. - Divorce Coach and
Founder, Dear Divorce Coach


A month later he might turn out to be a jerk, but at least you are back in the swing of things, because usually when you meet someone, you meet someone else, and your dry spell has ended. And then you don’t have as much time to do these 10 things because you’re too busy worrying if your date from two nights ago is going to ask you out again, or if the guy you just met at the grocery store is going to text, or if one guy is going to find out you are dating the other guy.

My advice is, enjoy both the times–when you are dating like crazy, and of course the dating dry spells, the times you can’t get a date. They are all part of life.

Like this article? Check out, “Dating a Guy Who is Hot and Cold Can Really Burn!”

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    Jackie Pilossoph

    Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

    Jackie Pilossoph is the Founder of Divorced Girl Smiling, the media company that connects people facing with divorce to trusted, vetted divorce professionals. Pilossoph is a former NBC affiliate television journalist and Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press features reporter. Her syndicated column, Love Essentially was published in the Chicago Tribune/Pioneer Press and Tribune owned publications for 7 1/2 years. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University. Learn more at:

    2 Responses to “Can’t Get A Date? 10 Things to do if You Are in a Dating Dry Spell”

    1. Karen LeBuhn

      How about focusing your energy on your career? I NEVER would have thought that I had the skills, market-ability and stamina to capture a cool, high tech job, with really fun, smart people! And learn, improve my skills, and have days where I am having too much fun with my job to think about a boyfriend, partner or spouse!

      When I am feeling the bluesy loneliness after a 27 year marriage, I increase the amount of time I spend on self-improvement…it NEVER goes unnoticed or without some form of dopamine uptake!

      • Jackie Pilossoph

        You are so right. I am sorry I left this one off the list! I feel the exact same way, and i think that nothing brings more self-esteem than passion for your career! thank you!


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