Going through a divorce is probably one of the hardest–if not the hardest thing you will face in your life. It’s painful and stressful and can feel hopeless, at times. But want the good news? In my 30+ years of being a divorce attorney, I have watched so many clients go from a place of fear, stress and sadness to a happier, healthier life. It takes time and patience, but it will happen! In the meantime, I have some words of encouragement for someone going through a divorce.
1. Remember that as scared as you are, your ex is scared too. Don’t assume everything is great with him.
Divorce is a difficult process for all involved. Your world as you know it has been turned upside down and you are headed into the unknown. Scary. Keep in mind, however, that divorce involves two people, not just one. As afraid as you may be, your ex may be feeling the same way. Know that you are both venturing into a new terrain, and that you are likely not the only one who is nervous about the path ahead of you.
2. You are so much stronger than you think. It is in challenging times that people start to shine.
I can’t tell you the number of women who have sat in my office during their initial consultation and were an emotional mess. The thought of venturing out on their own was overwhelming and devastating. What is truly amazing and rewarding as a divorce attorney, is to see the transformation of my clients over the course of the first year. Slowly, step by step, they are able to learn to live independently, to make their own decisions and to take on financial responsibility. What were once frightened and insecure women have evolved into strong and confident women. Time is an amazing enabler.
3. It seems like divorce takes a long time, how can I make it through the process?
Whether you’re proceeding with an uncontested divorce or a contested divorce, the process always seems to be never ending. People going through divorce cannot seem to get to the finish line fast enough. In my experience, that is often due to the fact that divorce is not something that people rush into.
They take their time and reconsider their decision to divorce, sometimes for several months or even years. Once they are ready and make the decision to proceed, however, they typically cannot get divorced fast enough. Don’t worry. As long as the process may seem as you are going through it, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
More words of encouragement for someone going through a divorce
4. So many past clients of mine have been in your situation. They have all made it through the process and so many are thriving.
The key to coming out on the other side of divorce as a strong and thriving person is to envision your life post divorce in the way you choose to live it. Picture your home (apartment, single family home or condominium), your environment (what towns would you like to live in, city versus suburbs, ocean versus mountains), how you will spend your free time and who you will spend it with. Your decisions are yours to make, and that is liberating.
The more clients mentally run through their “ideal” post divorce life, the more real it becomes and the more likely they are to make decisions that will align themselves with their goals. Ultimately, clients can live the life they had dreamed of.
5. You have so much life ahead of you. Even if you are 50 or 60, you can reinvent yourself and find a good, happy, healthy life. I’ve seen so many people do it.
People tend to identify themselves as how they believe other people see them. That is, their image of themselves is seen through the lens of others. This is very limiting. I challenge my clients to ask themselves “why not?” For example, if you are fortunate enough to work remotely, or are not otherwise bound by physical restrictions on where you can live, why not consider other areas of the country, or other countries, in which you might like to live.
If you always wanted to be a dancer, why not sign up for a dance class? You may not become a professional dancer, or even be a very good dancer, but you can still learn to dance. Whatever it is, think outside your comfort zone. Challenge yourself. Redefine who you are. No matter what age you are when you are going through the divorce process, I promise you that there is a whole lot of life to live “on the other side.” Just go for it!
These are my words of encouragement for someone going through a divorce. They come from my experience and my heart, and I wish you all the best!
After over 30 years of hands-on experience working in the courts of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Attorney Catherine Becker Good has developed a trusting and personal approach to interacting with her clients that makes them feel safe, supported, and heard during a vulnerable time. Catherine fully understands that the Probate Court experience can be overwhelming and confusing. She is committed to easing the anxiety and stress that all too often accompanies the probate court process by standing with you and for you as she advocates on your behalf.
Catherine has appeared before most judges in the Probate Courts across the state. This exposure to various courts and the particular practices of each judge has provided Catherine with the necessary insight to navigate through the individual nuances of various judges and court personnel. She will work with you to strategize a legal course of action that best benefits you.
As a skilled negotiator and mediator, Catherine remains focused and calm during highly contentious situations, which helps her clients do the same. With the innate ability to sense when to litigate and when to compromise, Catherine has developed a solid reputation with both clients and court officials built on her impeccable professionalism and legal knowledge. If you’d like to schedule a consultation, visit her website.