He’s not Brad Pitt! Why looks shouldn’t Matter So Much

looks aren't everything

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

When it comes to dating after divorce, something that bugs me immensely (and both men and women are guilty of it) are people think looks are the most important thing. Let me tell you why looks aren’t everything.


First, I’m not saying that physical beauty isn’t important. Trust me. And I’m not saying you should date someone you aren’t attracted to. My point is, when a person’s physical beauty becomes the number one criteria in dating after divorce, I have an issue with that for several reasons.


Here are three stories about men and women whose behavior proves that when it comes to dating after divorce,  some people will settle for nothing less than Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie!

1.    “The Fix Up That Never Happened:” A friend of mine, “Mary” asked her girlfriend, “Jeanne” if she’d be interested in being set up on a blind date with a guy friend of hers. Jeanne asked who the guy was, and could she have his last name so she could look him up on facebook. Mary said, “I’m not sure if he’s on there, but who cares? Just trust me. You’ll like him.” Jeanne asked Mary about 10 times if he was good looking and Mary responded yes. Jeanne didn’t ask any other questions about the guy. Jeanne ended up finding him on facebook and Linkedin herself, and didn’t care for his photos. She declined the fix up offer.


2.    “The facebook scanner”: A guy named “Bert” happened to see a photo I posted. He inquired about an attractive women who is in it. I told him she was married. I then figured that since he was asking about someone, he must be single and interested in dating. So, I suggested he look up another friend of mine. He did, and said, “No thanks, she looks a little old for me.”


3.    “The unemployed, fat guy who thinks he’s Bradley Cooper:” A few weeks ago I was out with two women and we ran into a divorced friend of ours, “Joe” who was out with another divorced guy “Brian”. They joined us for a drink. I’m not trying to be a biatch, I swear, (I’m just trying to make a point) but Brian was overweight, not particularly attractive, and in his 50’s. Being me, I started getting talking to him, just like I would anyone, regardless of his or her looks, just because I love meeting new people.  Brian ended up asking me if I knew any single girls. “Of course I do!” I exclaimed. He asked if I would set him up and I thought of a couple girls who might like him (he was actually pretty likable, great sense of humor). Right away, he was asking all about their looks, and absolutely nothing else. Here are two more things about Brian: He is unemployed and living on his friend’s couch. Really Brian? You are going to be that picky with those stats?! My jaw was seriously on the ground, because I could not believe how superficial he was.

Here are 3 reasons why if you make physical beauty your number one criteria in dating after divorce, you are missing out:


  • You might hit it off on another level with someone who you don’t find attractive, meaning personality wise, or professionally, and he or she could end up being a good friend.
  • The person you meet might end up introducing you to other people, and you might find love that way.
  • You might see something in that person’s personality, and halfway through dinner, become immensely attracted to him or her.(that has actually happened to me.)


Here’s what I want to say to men and women who make looks their number one criteria in dating after divorce. CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR, be more open minded. You will be happier and your life will be richer if you embrace dating in a way that goes beyond looks.


Growing up, my dad always used to tell me, “Looks lasts for 2 weeks.” His credibility isn’t the best, since he is married to my mom, who is absolutely beautiful (always has been.) But, he is right. Think about it. You can be immensely attracted to someone, and he or she act in ways that makes you cringe at the thought of physical intimacy. On the flip side, you could go out with someone and say, “There’s no way I’d kiss this person,” and over time, get to know the inner beauty and fall madly in love.


Physical attraction is very important, but it’s not everything. How often do women fall for a man who is passionate about something that makes him interesting or compelling? And let’s not forget the funny guy, whose charm and wit makes us fall crazy in love. And the most important quality: kindness and goodness.


I think when you are madly in love with someone, you start to look at them, and you can’t even see their face anymore. You begin to look directly into their soul. At that point, physical beauty doesn’t mean a thing.

Buy novels by Jackie Pilossoph



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Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

One Response to “He’s not Brad Pitt! Why looks shouldn’t Matter So Much”

  1. Kathleen

    Jackie, darling movie out right now: Enough Said. Speaks to your point! Nice insight today!! Thanks.


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