If He Didn’t Hit Me Is It Abuse? Signs and Tips for Victims

if he didn't hit me is it abuse

By Beverly Price, Certified Divorce and Empowerment Coach, Co-Founder, The Divorce Coalition

Abuse is not always as obvious as a physical altercation. In fact, many victims of abuse may not even realize they are in an abusive relationship because it doesn’t involve physical violence. That’s why I so often hear the question, “If he didn’t hit me is it abuse?” Abuse can take various forms, and it’s essential to recognize the signs and understand that abuse is not limited to just physical harm.

I was a victim and survivor of abuse and now I’m a thriver, but the dark days are etched in my memory. I went from one abusive relationship to another, not realizing I was being abused until it was physical. I also didn’t take the time to learn about why I chose that relationship and why I was attracted to “him,” so I went from the arms of one abuser into the fists of another. I learned later that I had been more often a victim than I thought. I didn’t understand verbal, emotional and mental abuse and the insidious cycle of power and control they were.

This article aims to shed light on the less obvious but equally destructive forms of abuse, along with providing guidance for victims and answering the question: If he didn’t hit me, is it abuse?

 Understanding Abuse

Abuse is a pattern of behavior that seeks to gain power and control over another person. While physical violence is one form of abuse, there are several others, including emotional, psychological, verbal, financial, and even digital abuse. Recognizing these subtler forms of abuse is crucial for your well-being and safety.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

  • Constant Criticism: Abusers may continuously criticize and belittle their victims, eroding their self-esteem.
  • Manipulation: Emotional abusers often manipulate their victims through guilt, threats, or other means to control their actions.
  • Isolation: Isolating victims from friends and family is a common tactic used by abusers to maintain control.
  • Gaslighting: Abusers may deny their actions or make victims doubt their own reality, leading to confusion and self-doubt.

Verbal Abuse

    • Name-calling: Consistent name-calling and derogatory language can be a sign of verbal abuse.
    • Threats: Threats, whether explicit or implied, are a form of verbal abuse.
    • Yelling and Screaming: Raising one’s voice excessively can be emotionally damaging and constitute abuse.

Financial Abuse

    • Controlling Finances: An abuser may control all financial resources, leaving the victim financially dependent.
    • Sabotaging Employment: Some abusers may jeopardize their victim’s job or career.
    • Using Money as a Weapon: Withholding money or using it to manipulate and control is a form of financial abuse.

Digital Abuse

    • Monitoring: An abuser may excessively monitor their victim’s online activities or invade their privacy.
    • Harassment: Sending threatening or harassing messages via text, social media, or email is a form of digital abuse.
    • Revenge Porn: Sharing intimate images without consent is a severe violation of privacy and can be digitally abusive.


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Tips for Victims of abuse

If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, it’s crucial to take steps to protect yourself and seek help:

1. Recognize the Abuse: Acknowledge the signs of abuse, even if they are not physical. Understanding the problem is the first step toward getting help.

2. Reach Out to a Trusted Person: Confide in a friend or family member you can trust. They can provide emotional support and help you make a safety plan.

3. Contact a Helpline or Support Organization: There are numerous organizations and hotlines dedicated to assisting victims of abuse. They can offer guidance, resources, and a safe space to discuss your situation.

4. Safety Planning: Develop a safety plan with the help of professionals. This plan should include steps to protect yourself in case of an emergency.

5. Seek Legal Advice: Depending on your situation, consulting an attorney may be necessary, especially when dealing with financial or legal aspects of abuse.

6. Consider Counseling: Therapy or counseling can help you heal emotionally from the trauma of abuse and provide tools to build a healthier future.



Abuse is not limited to physical violence, and recognizing the signs of emotional, psychological, verbal, financial, and digital abuse is crucial for your well-being. If you suspect you are a victim of abuse, remember that you are not alone, and there are resources and support available to help you break free from an abusive relationship and move toward a safer, healthier future. Don’t wait for physical harm to validate your feelings; your emotional and mental well-being matter just as much.

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