I’m a divorce mediator, which means I often work with couples who wish to be amicable and to sustain and enhance their ability to co-parent their children. On the other end of the divorce spectrum is something that is heartbreaking, full of pain, terribly selfish and so harmful: alienation of a child from a parent.
Parental alienation happens when a spouse wants to hurt the other parent, and it is one of the most harmful actions a parent can make for so many reasons. Not only because it does hurt the other parent terribly, but because the selfishness hurts the children more, and it prevents the alienating parent from healing.
There are varying degrees of alienation that include: limiting access, not complying with parenting time, restricting phone calls, subtly sharing false statements about the other parent, working against the children’s emotional needs with their other parent, and straight-up lying. If successful, the parent who is alienating the child feels like they’ve accomplished their mission. Right?
WRONG.
Here are 5 reasons you should never alienate your children from their other parent:
- Your Children: This is the most obvious. A daughter needs a dad and a mom, and a son needs a mother and a father. Children not only learn how to become a better adult from picking up all of the combined best traits from each of their parents, but their opposite-sex parents also set a standard by which all children will judge their future romantic partners. If you destroy a child’s view of their opposite-sex parent, you lower the standard by which your children will choose their own future partners, robbing them of their own best happily-ever-after.
- Your Mental & Physical Health: Carrying the anger necessary to actively hurt your own children is self-destructive. It prevents you from healing and from moving on in a healthy way. This directly impacts your mental health and your internal and external physical health.
- You Become A Conflicted Parent: You will be forced to continually lie and mis-direct your children, at the same time that you are responsible for teaching them values and how to treat people. These responsibilities conflict with each other terribly and will cause you to question your own worth as a parent.
- Your Friends & Family Will Lose Respect For You: Those closest to you might be afraid to re-direct you, but they know your former spouse well-enough to see through your actions and know what you are doing. They may not say anything to you, but they will lose respect for what you are doing to your own children.
- If Only Partially Successful, Your Other Children Will Lose Respect For You: In families with more than one child, often times you will only be able to successfully alienate one child; your other children will understand what you are doing and will lose respect for you as someone they trusted to always do what is best for them.
One last thought. It only takes 17 muscles to smile but it takes 43 muscles to frown. Isn’t it just easier to be a positive, upbeat, ethical parent, to support what is best for your children and to be the person who you want your children to look up to?
Why the topic of parental alienation is important to me
I experienced this from my former spouse, who tried to alienate my daughter from me. It is the most painful part of my life and it is the reason I became a divorce mediator. My mission is to help couples divorce in an amicable manner so they can preserve and enhance their ability to co-parent their children in a healthy manner together. Again, it is my mission, and my dedication to help others in this regard is what has driven my professional success.
If you are considering divorce don’t hesitate to reach out for a free extended consultation. My passion is helping you to understand your options and priorities so you can get through your divorce in the healthiest way for you and your family. You can contact me directly at (224) 544-9990 or via my website where you can learn more about me, at michaelsmediation.com.
Like this article? Check out “The Benefits of Healthy Co-parenting”
