Heart or Gut? Trusting Your Gut Feeling About Someone Always Pays Off

trusting your gut feeling about someone

By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author

Trusting your gut feeling about someone always pays off. Trust me, I know. The heart falls fast. The gut, on the other hand keeps it real. Unfortunately, these two organs are constantly battling it out in each of us.

The heart is constantly showering you with details about how wonderful and perfect the guy or girl you are dating is. The heart rejoices in love, romance, and a bright hopeful future with the person. It minimizes, defends and rationalizes anything negative in the relationship. The heart will never tell you that Mr. or Ms. Right is wrong for you because the heart only sees and feels the things you want to see and feel.


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The gut, on the other hand, has no problem telling you if the relationship or the person is wrong for you. The gut is the devil and your best friend at the same time. The gut won’t lie. It won’t sugarcoat. It won’t make excuses. It will tell you to run the hell away from a relationship that won’t make you happy in the end.

If the heart and the gut were having a conversation, here’s how it would go:

Heart: “I’m so in love with this guy. I’ve never felt this way before.”

Gut: “Yes you did. You are divorced. Remember your husband?”

Heart: “This is different. This guy makes me feel happier than I’ve ever felt in my life.”

Gut: “But just last week, you suspected he was with another woman.”

Heart: “I did not.”

Gut: “Yes you did. Should I call your girlfriends and ask them to refresh your memory?”

Heart: “Fine, but I was just being paranoid. This guy truly loves me. I can see it in his eyes and I feel it when he is kissing me. He would never cheat on me.”

Gut: “Two things. One, he cheated on his now ex-wife. Need I say more? Two, remember the other night around midnight when he got a text, jumped up, read it, turned his phone over on the table and started kissing you?”

We all have a heart and a gut boxing it out in our bodies every single day. In other words, with every relationship, we weigh the bad and the good, the positives and negatives and the pluses and minuses. The things he or she does that make us crazy in love are measured against qualities or circumstances we either see or choose to ignore.


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There are many times in my life I’ve wanted to tell my gut to butt out and just let me enjoy what my heart was telling me, but I couldn’t. My gut was too powerful. On the contrary, looking back on other relationships, I wish I would have trusted my gut, and told my lovesick heart it lost the battle. I’d have experienced a lot less pain had I been so wise.

In conclusion, I want to say this: Trusting your gut feeling about someone always pays off…

Why? Because you are your best friend and your gut does what it knows is best for you. Your heart on the other hand is a romantic, it loves the idea of love, it doesn’t want you to be alone, and it sees the good in everyone. If you think about it, that’s what your heart is supposed to do. It was made to keep you alive and loving life. But, when it comes to love, your heart is in way too deep to be objective. That is why trusting your gut always pays off. Because if you trust your gut, you won’t have conversations with your friends that start with, “Can you believe what this asshole did to me?” Your heart might be surprised but your gut knew all along. Get the picture?

Like this article? Check out “9 Signs of a Healthy Romantic Relationship”


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    Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

    Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling, the site, the podcast and the app. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

    3 Responses to “Heart or Gut? Trusting Your Gut Feeling About Someone Always Pays Off”

    1. Sadiya

      Love the article! The gut/heart convo is so on-point. Oh, and only if “…had I been so wise.”

    2. Amma

      I just went through this..he blamed his family, mine, our children, grandchildren, and me. Said he had not loved me in years – except that we has a beautiful 38th wedding anniversary this year. When I called him out on it, he looked guilty and walked away. I decided to check out our financials and found out there was only $800 in checking and $1350 in savings. I decided that I couldn’t deal with this so I proceeded to confront him. It’s been hard.. I have good days and bad days but I am much more at peace.


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