I have some divorce advice for mothers. Being a divorced mom for 11 years, I can say that life hasn’t exactly been easy. But, whose life is easy? What I mean is, whether you are married, divorced, widowed or single, everyone has life challenges.
I have lived life as a divorced mom for so long, that I don’t really know any other way, so I don’t know if I’ve had a hard life. What I do know is that I’ve enjoyed every minute of building my business, of having professional success, of being with family and friends, of spending time with my darling, sweet boyfriend, and mostly, I have loved being a mom to my two now teenage-age kids more than I ever thought possible.
Divorced when my kids were just 3 and 5, I feel like I have made many mistakes in parenting. But I also feel like I’ve done a really good job in many ways. I guess I’ve done the best I could so far, which is all anyone can do.
Based on what I’ve learned about how my kids have felt in the past, here is my divorce advice for mothers–are a few things that I think a divorced mom might want to say to the kids:
1. The best day of my life was the day you were born.
2. Dad and I were really in love when we got married and had you.
3. When Dad and I decided to get divorced, it was a really really hard decision, but we truly thought it was the better choice than staying together.
4. I will always care about Dad and think he’s a really good person.
5. You are part of Dad and that is a really good thing.
6. I know it’s hard having divorced parents in many ways.
7. I know you wish you had a “normal” family.” We are a normal family. There is just as much love in our home than in the homes of kids whose parents are married.
8. I know it’s hard having to remember to bring things home from each of our houses and I know it’s not fair. Please just accept it because there’s nothing we can do to change it.
9. A lot more kids’ parents are going to be divorced as you get older. It’s sad, but it’s a reality.
10. If you ever want to talk about anything or ask me about the divorce, the door is always open.
11. I’m sorry if you ever overheard me talking negatively about Dad.
12. I’m sorry if you ever overheard Dad and I arguing, shouting, and saying mean things to each other.
13. I know there are times when you wish you could come home to both your parents. I understand that.
14. Marital status doesn’t define how much love there is in a home.
15. You are warm, safe and loved in this home and in Dad’s home.
16. Dad and I are on the same page when it comes to you, as far as parenting and what we think is best for you.
17. If I say no, don’t go to Dad and ask, and vice versa. Just because we are divorced, that doesn’t mean you can play us.
18. Being your mom is my favorite thing of anything I’ve done in life.
19. Just because I got divorced, that doesn’t mean I regret marrying Dad because if I didn’t marry him I wouldn’t have you!
20. A single mom loves double.
If you have anything to add—anything you’ve said to your kids that you think belongs on this list, please comment!
Also, remember that kids listen to tone…
and they pick up on what you really mean when you say something. So, if you can’t say some of these with sincerity, and you don’t feel them, don’t say them. Yet. You might feel them someday.