Dating Expert Gives Tips For Finding True Love

By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author

Barbie Adler knows a lot about finding true love. The dating expert and founder of her well-known matchmaking agency, Selective Search has spent almost two decades helping men and women meet “the one.” So, who better to give tips on the subject? Here is Adler’s guest post. Enjoy!


Five Tips on Finding True Love  by Barbie Adler

The holiday season is in full swing and is a special time to spend with family, friends and the ones we love most. It is also a time when we re-evaluate our priorities and set goals for the coming year. For many, this includes our love lives. Here are five tips for attracting the ultimate gift this holiday season: true love.

End Toxic Relationships
Whether it’s a friendship, a romance, or somebody you casually date, having constant negativity around will not help you lead the life you want. So, if the person makes you feel bad about yourself, if he or she is disrespectful to you, or if the person has a bad attitude about life, in general, stay away. You don’t need that bad karma in your life. Instead, surround yourself with friends who make you feel good, who make you laugh, and who add joy and happiness to your world.

Break Up with Self Defeat
Much like the negativity that comes from a bad relationship, the negativity you project onto yourself can be just as damaging, if not more so. Break up with the “I can’t” and the “if only I was more like.” Also, get rid of the words, “I should have,” “I could have,” and “I regret.” Before you can be truly happy with somebody else, you need to focus on the future, the good, happy times ahead of you, and recognize the great qualities you bring to a relationship.

Ditch the Deadline
Just because your family or friends seem to constantly ask you when you’re getting married, and most of your friends are married, doesn’t mean you have jump on the bandwagon. Trust yourself and ignore any pressure thrown your way that puts your love life on a time line. In other words, don’t settle! The timing of things in life never happens the way we want it to, so if you live and enjoy yourself, that time will come, but it will be with the right person.  That said, DO NOT sit back and wait for someone to ring your doorbell. Be pro-active and have a strategy for success. That might mean networking–asking friends to set you up, saying yes to all party invitations, and forcing yourself off the couch–(I know it’s freezing outside, but no one ever met anyone significant while sitting in their house.)

Know What You Want
Whether you’re out socially or working with a matchmaking service, you should know what qualities you’re looking for. This is bigger than age, height, profession or location. Focus on your ideal work/life balance, how they handle conflict, are they creative or more rational based? Knowing what you want and need in a new relationship will help you avoid spending too much time in a relationship that won’t ultimately work.

Keep Your Heart Open
Start by accepting compliments that are given to you and remember to reply with a simple “thank you,” versus, “really?” followed by some comment about why it isn’t true. Loving yourself will lead you to love. People gravitate to self-assured people who know their worth. And, don’t feel like you have to make a decision about a date in two minutes. Give him or her a chance. Get to know them inside before you decide they aren’t for you.

finding true love

Barbie Adler is the President and Founder of North America’s leading matchmaking agency, Selective Search. Selective Search offers two ways to become a member: our premium fee-based Client program and our complimentary Affiliate program. Regardless of which program you choose, Selective Search always honors your privacy and preferences. Both programs are 100% custom, confidential, and offline. Join today by visiting,




Featured Expert Articles

Jackie Pilossoph Jackie Pilossoph
Creator, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling
20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self

20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self

Elaine Koby Mossr Elaine Koby Moss
Vice-president and Senior Advisor, Vestor Capital
Want Financial Security After Divorce? Here’s Your Checklist

Want Financial Security After Divorce? Here’s Your Checklist

Dan Stefani Dan Stefani
Divorce Attorney, Principal, Katz & Stefani
Thinking About Divorce? Here Is Your Legal Consultation

Thinking About Divorce? Here Is Your Legal Consultation

Jeremy Woods Jeremy Woods
Senior Residential Mortgage Banker, CIBC
Your Mortgage And Divorce: 4 Reasons To Refinance ASAP

Your Mortgage And Divorce: 4 Reasons To Refinance ASAP

Leslie Glazier Leslie Glazier
Real Estate Agent, @properties, Certified Real Estate Divorce Specialist
Hiring a real estate agent

11 Questions To Ask When Hiring a Real Estate Agent During Your Divorce

Jackie Pilossoph

Editor-in-chief: Jackie Pilossoph

Divorce is a journey. Live it with grace, courage and gratitude. Peace and joy are on the way! Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism from Boston University.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *