Divorce doesn’t always begin in a courtroom or with bitter fights. For some couples, like Rachel and Mark, it started with an attempted kitchen table divorce; with the best intentions, with respect, shared goals, and a deep desire to part ways as amicably as possible. They were determined to “do it right” – to avoid conflict, save money, and make decisions they could both live with.
Rachel and Mark had been married for nearly 20 years. He was the primary breadwinner, working full-time in a demanding field, while Rachel had scaled back her career to raise their children. By the time they agreed to separate, their kids were older, and Rachel was preparing to return to the workforce. They did what many hopeful, cooperative couples do: they started Googling.
Their kitchen table divorce attempt
They researched their state’s divorce process, tried to divide their assets fairly, and even tackled support on their own. They found a “spousal maintenance calculator” online that gave them a monthly number and they both agreed to it. Mark thought it seemed high, but he trusted the calculator. Rachel assumed it was legally correct. After all, it looked official. But here’s the truth: Their state doesn’t have a spousal maintenance calculator.
They were relying on a tool that didn’t apply to them. And because they didn’t know how spousal maintenance was actually determined in their state (based on real legal standards, not an online formula), they agreed to something that was never legally required (or sustainable). When they finally brought their agreement to an attorney to draft the paperwork, everything changed.
They learned that:
- Spousal maintenance is based on need and ability to pay, not on a fixed percentage.
- Mark wasn’t obligated to pay over half of his income in support.
- Rachel had a legal obligation to maximize her income within a reasonable time frame.
This new information shook the foundation of their kitchen table divorce, of what they thought was a “done deal.” The trust they had in the process, and in each other, began to erode. Instead of finalizing an amicable agreement, they found themselves in a more adversarial and painful situation. What started with the best of intentions became a difficult, drawn-out divorce—all because they didn’t have the right education before making decisions.
Rachel and Mark’s story isn’t unique. Many couples try to save money with a kitchen table divorce, especially if they’re on good terms. But without a clear understanding of the laws, rights, and responsibilities in your state, well-meaning decisions can lead to unfair or legally incorrect outcomes. Divorce is a legal process. That doesn’t mean you need to go to court but it does mean you need to understand your rights and options.
If you’re thinking about divorce – or in the middle of one – don’t rely on assumptions, unofficial tools, or generic advice. What you don’t know can hurt you, even if your heart is in the right place. Do yourself a favor: Get educated. Get organized. And give yourself the chance to make decisions you won’t regret.
Like this article? Check out “When is it Time for a Divorce? What You Need to Know Before You Decide”
