There are many things that need to happen to make a relationship work in a healthy and happy way. Among these things is honesty from both partners. The importance of honesty in a relationship cannot be expressed enough. Without it, no other elements can truly work. Think about it. You can laugh together, have great sex, find each other interesting, be on the same page, and like each other. But without honesty, forget it. It will never work.
Dishonesty in a relationship bothers me so much. Let’s start with an example. Let’s say a person isn’t happy in a relationship and wants out. Wouldn’t it be nice if instead of him or her saying, “I just don’t know what I want right now,” they would say what they really mean, which is probably, “I really like you but I want to see if there is someone else I might like better.” Or, how about the girl who tells a guy, “I’m getting back together with my boyfriend” instead of just saying, “I really like you but I don’t see a future with you.”
The downside to not being truthful is that you are holding yourself back, AND you are holding back the other person, who in this example might say to himself, “She’s getting back with her boyfriend? Okay then. I’ll just wait until she breaks up with the guy again.”
Again, I cannot tell you how key the importance of honesty in a relationship is in being happy.
Here are 16 dishonest things people say in relationships, and what I WISH the person would say instead.
1. I just don’t want a girlfriend right now.
Honest version: I don’t want YOU to be my girlfriend. Ever.
2. I’m sort of seeing someone right now.
Honest version: You’re not worth me risking what I have right now with my current girlfriend, even though I’m not sure she’s the one.
3. It’s not you, it’s me.
Honest version: It’s you.
4. I want to date other people.
Honest version: I want to see if I can meet someone I like better because I’m not sure about this relationship, but I don’t want to risk losing you.
5. I just want to have fun.
Honest version: I don’t want to be exclusive because I’m not sure you are the one yet.
6. This really isn’t working out.
Honest version: I’m breaking up with you.
7. You’re a great guy. I don’t deserve you.
Honest version: I don’t want to be with you anymore.
8. What are you doing right now? (over the phone)
Honest version: Want me to come over and have sex with you?
9. I don’t like myself right now.
Honest version: Maybe I don’t like myself right now, but I do know that I don’t want to see you anymore.
10. You’re going to make some guy really, really happy.
Honest version: You’re not making me happy.
11. I don’t want to fight anymore.
Honest version: I wish we could go back to the first 6 months of our relationship when we were on our best behavior, because we both know this is going downhill fast.
12. Sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been so busy with work.
Honest version: I met someone else and dated her for a couple weeks and it just ended. OR, I wasn’t really into you and then I changed my mind.
13. I’m just happy with the way things are.
Honest version: I don’t want to marry you.
14. I’m going out of town. I’ll call you when I get back.
Honest version: I’m not into you, because if I was, it doesn’t matter where I am. I’d call or even text or email or snapchat. This is 2019.
15. I don’t have time for a relationship right now.
Honest version: I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.
16. I’m really confused. I don’t know what I want.
Honest version: I pretty sure I don’t want to be with you.
Here’s the thing. Some of the truths might really really hurt. They might break your heart. They might make you cry. But wouldn’t you rather know the truth than cling onto hope that the person might change their mind in a few days or weeks? That is the reason why it’s so important to be honest with people. They deserve it! Hearing the truth, despite the pain it causes, helps people move on.
So next time someone asks you out and you aren’t interested, don’t say “I have a boyfriend,” instead try something like, “I really like you, it’s nothing personal, but I just don’t have those feelings for you. I’m sorry. I hope you’re not offended.” See what happens.
Being honest in any relationship will make you feel so much better about yourself. Try it!
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